Discussion Should I tell my mum?

[Chocomel]

Should I tell my mum that I'm actually suicidal and have attempted to do it. She knows all the pain I'm going through inflicted by my dad (they're both divorced and now I live with my dad and his new wife). She always says things when we're on the phone like "Stay strong", "Always be grateful, there's someone worse, "I am always here".

But I never tell her directly that I want to CTB. I'm afraid of the reaction I will get from her. She will do anything for me, and I'm afraid that's gonna ruin her life to 'save' me from my dad. Either that, or just pure shock.

I may have worded it badly, but basically my question is the first sentence. What do you guys think?

 

[Downdraft]

She always says things when we're on the phone like "Stay strong", "Always be grateful, there's someone worse, "I am always here".

Sorry, but the chances are overwhelmingly against you lol.

 

[GuessWhosBack]

Should I tell my mum that I'm actually suicidal and have attempted to do it.

If you are having doubts, then I'd suggest you talk to someone you trust about it. Can you imagine a future where you would be content with life? Is that future attainable?

 

[Roadrunner]

If you tell her, then ctb, I think she'll feel terrible guilt. I personally wouldn't want to know one of my children was suffering that terribly. Just as I don't want my grown children to know I am. Imho

 

[astr4]

honestly, like @Downdraft said, it doesn't seem like she's the most supportive person out there… saying something like "other people have it worse" is pretty invalidating of your pain.

now, i'm not saying don't ask for help, but please be careful that the help you're seeking doesn't make you feel shittier.

 

[-Link-]

The short answer to this question is, yes. I think if you're even asking the question, yes.

She always says things when we're on the phone like "Stay strong", "Always be grateful, there's someone worse, "I am always here".

These are platitudes.

What really counts is the meaning behind these words. Is she saying it as a means to dismiss you, or is she saying it as a means to try to support you.

It took years before my parents truly gained a full understanding of my own issues. Your mother needs to be patient with you, but you also need to be patient with her because there's an education/enlightenment process that she may have to go through in order to be fully what you need her to be.

 

[SketchTurner]

What's your intention of telling her? Like emotional support, help with trying to do something to help with being suicidal?

 

[Chocomel]

If you are having doubts, then I'd suggest you talk to someone you trust about it. Can you imagine a future where you would be content with life? Is that future attainable?

I can only imagine my bleak future. Like when I'm thinking about it, it's just makes me more hopeless on continue living. From my perspective there is only two things to help me get out of this situation. CTB or tell my mum so I can live with her again. Well the problem is I'm not sure about what or how her reaction gonna be. Does she really will do anything or just gonna shrug it off, that's why I'm asking this here.

 

[GuessWhosBack]

What really counts is the meaning behind these words. Is she saying it as a means to dismiss you, or is she saying it as a means to try to support you.

Exactly, @Chocomel just because these are platitudes does not mean there is no genuine desire for your mother to help, or that she's not "the most supporitve person ever". Your mother does not deal with suicidal people on a daily basis, and may not have the vocabulary and tact to navigate such conversations. That does not mean she doesn't care about you or that she won't do her best to help you in your current situation.

Yes, what she is saying are platitudes, but they're not meaningless.

She will do anything for me, and I'm afraid that's gonna ruin her life to 'save' me from my dad.

People are missing this insight and jumping to conclusions.

now, i'm not saying don't ask for help, but please be careful that the help you're seeking doesn't make you feel shittier.

@Chocomel you don't have to outright tell your mom you want to CTB. Maybe schedule an outing with her, and spend some quality time together if that is possible? You can confide in her slowly, if you trust her.

 

[Chocomel]

If you tell her, then ctb, I think she'll feel terrible guilt. I personally wouldn't want to know one of my children was suffering that terribly. Just as I don't want my grown children to know I am. Imho

If I tell her, there is a chance I won't CTB ing

honestly, like @Downdraft said, it doesn't seem like she's the most supportive person out there… saying something like "other people have it worse" is pretty invalidating of your pain.

now, i'm not saying don't ask for help, but please be careful that the help you're seeking doesn't make you feel shittier.

Yeah sometimes I hate that sentence too. Why look at other people suffering, everyone is different. But I never look very deep into it, maybe my mum just ran out of things to say

The short answer to this question is, yes. I think if you're even asking the question, yes.


These are platitudes.

What really counts is the meaning behind these words. Is she saying it as a means to dismiss you, or is she saying it as a means to try to support you.

It took years before my parents truly gained a full understanding of my own issues. Your mother needs to be patient with you, but you also need to be patient with her because there's an education/enlightenment process that she may have to go through in order to be fully what you need her to be.

Thanks for your opinion

 

[GuessWhosBack]

Well the problem is I'm not sure about what or how her reaction gonna be. Does she really will do anything or just gonna shrug it off, that's why I'm asking this here.

No one in this forum can answer that because we're not your mum.

If I tell her, there is a chance I won't CTB ing

CTB or tell my mum so I can live with her again.

Would you prefer living with your mum? Would that make you happier? If so, tell her that instead, and see what you can do. If it's not possible to move in with your mother, would it be possible to at least see her regularly?

 

[Chocomel]

What's your intention of telling her? Like emotional support, help with trying to do something to help with being suicidal?

I want to not be suicidal by telling her

you don't have to outright tell your mom you want to CTB. Maybe schedule an outing with her, and spend some quality time together if that is possible? You can confide in her slowly, if you trust her.

Last time I'm on vacation the her house, we always had a lovely conversation every night. But I still didn't have the heart to tell her I'm suicidal. Because I think I can still manage it despite a few past attempt, I thought I'm finally get rid of that thought. Tho today, the pain is just immeasurable to the point I want to stab myself. Fuck waiting for the middle of the night where I can't be found for 30 minutes, I want it to end now but then I remember my mum can still save me.

 

[SketchTurner]

I want to not be suicidal by telling her

Being honest with her and directly ask for her to help you because you don't want it to be this way, and maybe knowing what you want help with, may turn out OK. If you feel you can be honest, then yes it can be worth it. Parents can be supportive even if there's a bit of push and pull getting things right and wrong.
I never had the courage to tell my mother and got outed instead, my mother handled it much better than I thought she would. That's all I can say.

 

[Downdraft]

What really counts is the meaning behind these words.

just because these are platitudes does not mean there is no genuine desire for your mother to help

Just a reminder this always comes with big risk. Sure she cares, but the way she might try could involve locking you up.

Overall just wanted to say this doesn't happen in a vacuum and opening to the wrong person, even if they mean to help, can end very badly.

I want to not be suicidal by telling her

There's a long way on that, talking to one person doesn't solve everything.

There's a recovery section here you can use in safer ways.

 

[Chocomel]

Would you prefer living with your mum? Would that make you happier? If so, tell her that instead, and see what you can do. If it's not possible to move in with your mother, would it be possible to at least see her regularly?

Yes I would prefer living with my mom. I grew up there until I need to go to college. I already tell her I hate living with my dad. But I need to force it because I'm in college now. The college is in the same city as my dad house, that's why I need to live there.

Also my dad is softly blocking me to visit her regularly. Like when there's a holiday, he always find an excuse for me to not go there.

Being honest with her and directly ask for her to help you because you don't want it to be this way, and maybe knowing what you want help with, may turn out OK. If you feel you can be honest, then yes it can be worth it. Parents can be supportive even if there's a bit of push and pull getting things right and wrong.
I never had the courage to tell my mother and got outed instead, my mother handled it much better than I thought she would. That's all I can say.

Thanks for the input and sharing your experience

 

[Praestat_Mori]

How old are you? Ig if you're 18+ you can choose with whom of your biological parents you want to live.

Do you want to die bc of the circumstances that stress you and make u unhappy? Can you change your living situation?

Telling your mom about suicidal ideation and a failed attempt can bring you in an even worse position if you seriously want to CTB without trying the circumstances and trying to seek help.

Ultimately it's your decision and what you expect from reaching out.

 

[Chocomel]

Just a reminder this always comes with big risk. Sure she cares, but the way she might try could involve locking you up.

Overall just wanted to say this doesn't happen in a vacuum and opening to the wrong person, even if they mean to help, can end very badly.

I actually trust her enough to the point she's the only person I consider talking about CTB ing. I don't think she will do anything bad to me, but I'm sure as hell she will do anything, even if it's bad to her, for me

Do you want to die bc of the circumstances that stress you and make u unhappy? Can you change your living situation?

Telling your mom about suicidal ideation and a failed attempt can bring you in an even worse position if you seriously want to CTB without trying the circumstances and trying to seek help.

I mean yeah I could get scolded, and she will probably bawling too when she first heard the news. But I think it's gonna be uphill from there because we just hit the rock bottom

 

[badtothebone]

Should I tell my mum that I'm actually suicidal and have attempted to do it. She knows all the pain I'm going through inflicted by my dad (they're both divorced and now I live with my dad and his new wife). She always says things when we're on the phone like "Stay strong", "Always be grateful, there's someone worse, "I am always here".

But I never tell her directly that I want to CTB. I'm afraid of the reaction I will get from her. She will do anything for me, and I'm afraid that's gonna ruin her life to 'save' me from my dad. Either that, or just pure shock.

I may have worded it badly, but basically my question is the first sentence. What do you guys think?

Of course you have to tell your mom. She will know you were suffering if you ctb it's obvious and this will bring her to guilt that she never knew let her help you she's your mom. She's the only person who actually cares about you.

 

[Plato'sCaveDweller]

Going by her responses to you thus far. I would advise against it. Telling others about things like this is a major gamble, and you shouldn't do it if the odds are clearly against you like in this case. but you're free to make whatever decision you feel is best.

 

[-Link-]

I mean yeah I could get scolded, and she will probably bawling too when she first heard the news. But I think it's gonna be uphill from there because we just hit the rock bottom

Based on what she's already been saying to you, she must already have an idea that you're suffering.

Still, her initial reaction could be strong. Very strong.

When you're telling someone something that's extremely difficult for them to hear, you basically have to just brace yourself for impact. If you go into the conversation expecting a strong reaction, you give yourself (and her) a better opportunity to get through it.

I would perhaps look at that initial conversation as being about her rather than being about you. In the end, this is about you and your needing her support. But for purposes of that initial talk, it might be you who needs to be the one doing most of the supporting. It's sort of like, "prepare for the worst, hope for the best, and what actually happens will be somewhere in between."

All parents are fallible. So even once you get through this and she's had time to process this, she's likely going to need some ongoing guidance from you. This dynamic will be primarily about your needs, but I think this situation works best if there is some give-and-take in terms of supporting each other. Communication is important, telling her what you need from her and asking her what you can do to help her help you.

I wish you the very best if you decide to go through with this conversation. Whatever you choose to do, we have your back, and we'll support you as best we can here.

 

[uniqueusername4]

If you tell her, she could report you to authorities. Do you live in a place where your freedoms could be taken away? Would telling her decrease your ability to ctb (access to resources, etc) if any of those outcomes bother you, I'd not tell. what benefit could you get out of telling her?

 

[korra]

Personally if you really want to CTB I would advise you to not tell her, but if you don't *really* want to CTB and just need to vent, go for it... With all the pain it will cause her I think it's worth it.

Just a huge disclaimer: I don't really know you and your situation, you know yourself, you know your situation and you know your mother. Think this through and don't rush it.

Hope you'll find ease with your pain m8

 

[Chocomel]

Based on what she's already been saying to you, she must already have an idea that you're suffering.

Still, her initial reaction could be strong. Very strong.

When you're telling someone something that's extremely difficult for them to hear, you basically have to just brace yourself for impact. If you go into the conversation expecting a strong reaction, you give yourself (and her) a better opportunity to get through it.

I would perhaps look at that initial conversation as being about her rather than being about you. In the end, this is about you and your needing her support. But for purposes of that initial talk, it might be you who needs to be the one doing most of the supporting. It's sort of like, "prepare for the worst, hope for the best, and what actually happens will be somewhere in between."

All parents are fallible. So even once you get through this and she's had time to process this, she's likely going to need some ongoing guidance from you. This dynamic will be primarily about your needs, but I think this situation works best if there is some give-and-take in terms of supporting each other. Communication is important, telling her what you need from her and asking her what you can do to help her help you.

I wish you the very best if you decide to go through with this conversation. Whatever you choose to do, we have your back, and we'll support you as best we can here.

Thank you so much for opening my mind to different possibility. I already expect the impact and shock, but never considered what I do next

If you tell her, she could report you to authorities. Do you live in a place where your freedoms could be taken away? Would telling her decrease your ability to ctb (access to resources, etc) if any of those outcomes bother you, I'd not tell. what benefit could you get out of telling her?

Suicide is not that serious of a problem in my country. I never hear a news about someone suicidal being sent to asylum or authorities. So if I tell her, there's a skin chance of that happening but never zero. And if I get sent to 'make me better' I think that could work as long as I'm not living with my dad.

Personally if you really want to CTB I would advise you to not tell her, but if you don't *really* want to CTB and just need to vent, go for it... With all the pain it will cause her I think it's worth it.

Just a huge disclaimer: I don't really know you and your situation, you know yourself, you know your situation and you know your mother. Think this through and don't rush it.

Hope you'll find ease with your pain m8

I just want the chance. If I didn't tell her at all, the chance of me CTB ing would 100%. But there is a chance if I tell her, I might get saved, buy again I don't know, I just want the chance.