Help Should I talk to a friend?

[Shouldhavebeendone]

I've always thought I would not speak to anyone about me wanting to ctb as I don't want them to feel guilt or responsibility. This was a rule as such and something I felt very firmly and sure about. I want to ctb very soon. But I actually feel there's a friend in my life who I want to talk about this with. I've not felt like this before (past attempts).

I'm torn about whether to or not. Everyone is always saying to just talk to someone. I'm ok with my mind being changed that's still a lot of pressure on them though if they're the one to change my mind. I doubt it will be changed so I don't want to hurt them put too much pressure on them or traumatise them in some way I care a lot about them. I also don't want to scare them away either or drag them into my problems and screw them up to. I'm confused about feeling this way as I've never wanted to discuss this feeling with people irl and because of that I've been debating cutting them off completely so they're not so hurt when I do ctb. When I imagine talking to them I just feel guilty for putting that weight on them or like they're going to be scared of me and think I'm mental and want no more to do with me. Their actions towards me so far haven't indicated that they would be, but I have been treated that way in the past when people have found out how I feel. I don't know what to do.

Sorry about this rambled text, I hope it makes some kind of sense.

 

[sharky]

I completely understand. I am in the same position. I don't want anyone to feel responsible in any way. But I think for yourself it would be the best to find someone to talk to. Do you have a therapist?

If it's a really good friend you might give it a shot and tell them, I doubt they will treat you differently, but of course for most people it would be a bit of a shock to hear about someone's feelings towards ctb. In the end it's up to you to decide what to do but I think it would make you feel better.

 

[CrazyNihilist]

I don't have a lot of close freinds, but all of them treat me differently after my attempt. Kid gloves and egg shells kida stuff. If you're worried about how they will react, try a support line. I have not spoken to one, but am understanding that you can talk to them about anything and they won't call the police unless you tell them you are going to ctb that day. It does run the risk they will send them anyway though.

 

[Shouldhavebeendone]

I completely understand. I am in the same position. I don't want anyone to feel responsible in any way. But I think for yourself it would be the best to find someone to talk to. Do you have a therapist?

If it's a really good friend you might give it a shot and tell them, I doubt they will treat you differently, but of course for most people it would be a bit of a shock to hear about someone's feelings towards ctb. In the end it's up to you to decide what to do but I think it would make you feel better.

I do have a therapist, I've been too anxious in general to book appointments with them recently. Also I worry that they may get crisis teams involved which would make my situation a lot worse.

I might give it a try. Thank you for your reply. I hope you have someone in your life you can talk to too.

 

[sharky]

I do have a therapist, I've been too anxious in general to book appointments with them recently. Also I worry that they may get crisis teams involved which would make my situation a lot worse.

I might give it a try. Thank you for your reply. I hope you have someone in your life you can talk to too.

Sadly I don't have a friend like this. But I told my therapist about my suicidal thoughts and plans and she won't tell anyone. I trust her and she respects my wish to ctb. I wish I had a friend to talk to because it's different than a therapist, but I'm glad I could tell my therapist. Also this forum helps.

 

[Shouldhavebeendone]

I don't have a lot of close freinds, but all of them treat me differently after my attempt. Kid gloves and egg shells kida stuff. If you're worried about how they will react, try a support line. I have not spoken to one, but am understanding that you can talk to them about anything and they won't call the police unless you tell them you are going to ctb that day. It does run the risk they will send them anyway though.

Thanks for replying. Yeah I also had some difficult reactions from people after a previous attempts. Its really not helpful. I have had bad experience with support lines so I'm really not keen on using them. I did try a text service recently but they were so busy they never replied

 

[Klo]

I've gone back and forth on talking to a friend. I only have two that I still care about and I feel like it is too much of a burden to put on them and I worry if I was really honest about this subject they would need to distance themselves from me for their own well being.

I will say my brother committed suicide and he had talked about it for years before he did it. I don't know if it made it better for me but it was not a surprise when he did it.

I'm still wondering about talking to loved ones too. For now I'm not.

 

[Shouldhavebeendone]

I've gone back and forth on talking to a friend. I only have two that I still care about and I feel like it is too much of a burden to put on them and I worry if I was really honest about this subject they would need to distance themselves from me for their own well being.

I will say my brother committed suicide and he had talked about it for years before he did it. I don't know if it made it better for me but it was not a surprise when he did it.

I'm still wondering about talking to loved ones too. For now I'm not.

Yea I really worry that it'll be too much a burden. It's tough.

I'm really sorry to hear about your brother. Do you feel any kind of way about him talking about it or knowing his feelings prior?

Thanks for your reply.

 

[Klo]

Yea I really worry that it'll be too much a burden. It's tough.

I'm really sorry to hear about your brother. Do you feel any kind of way about him talking about it or knowing his feelings prior?

Thanks for your reply.

I can say for sure I wasn't shocked when he did it. You know how when someone really old and sick does it is not as sad because you can almost be happy for them that they are no longer suffering. It is kinda like that in some ways, but the disruption and pain caused to the family was still pretty bad. I am glad my brother is not in mental anguish anymore though.

 

[Shouldhavebeendone]

I can say for sure I wasn't shocked when he did it. You know how when someone really old and sick does it is not as sad because you can almost be happy for them that they are no longer suffering. It is kinda like that in some ways, but the disruption and pain caused to the family was still pretty bad. I am glad my brother is not in mental anguish anymore though.

I think I understand what you mean. I appreciate you answering my question thank you it's helpful to try to see and understand things from a different perspective.

 

[Someone123]

I do think that if you tell a friend this can become a heavy burden for them and then they often do what society tells them to do, tell someone who can "help" and this can result in involuntary hospitalization and also it can result in taking away the means to ctb. Will telling them help you to avoid ctb? Could this really be the difference? Maybe it could be, each person's situation is different. Best of luck.

 

[Niko66]

It would entirely depend on how "woke" they are about mental health for me. Or how compassionate and sensitive they have shown themselves to be. But I am very wary of others in the first place.

I think it's worth considering, talking can help, but I think it will go down smoother if you are both aware that neither you are asking to be fixed nor they should take up onto themselves to do that. If you do share, then sharing itself is the goal. Having someone who knows what you are going through and how you feel. If they can help you past that then that's amazing but I think that's a place to start.

 

[its-about-time]

I think you should talk to your friend. But you should also be aware your friend is (likely) not a professional and so may say the wrong thing, without bad intentions, and regardless is not equipped to "stop" you or "change your mind." A friend is someone to lean on, absolutely, but you might find yourself needing to reach out to other people as well at some point. Telling your friend is an excellent place to start and I think you should do it, just be aware you may need to involve other people as well.

 

[Shouldhavebeendone]

I do think that if you tell a friend this can become a heavy burden for them and then they often do what society tells them to do, tell someone who can "help" and this can result in involuntary hospitalization and also it can result in taking away the means to ctb. Will telling them help you to avoid ctb? Could this really be the difference? Maybe it could be, each person's situation is different. Best of luck.

I think I could ask them not to do anything. If they did I highly doubt it would cause hospitalisation, possibly nuisance check-ins from services that don't really care about you. There are other people around me who I wouldn't want to find out as they would make life more difficult.

Idk if it will help me to avoid or not, I can't really say. Thank you hopefully I'll come to a decision on what to do.

It would entirely depend on how "woke" they are about mental health for me. Or how compassionate and sensitive they have shown themselves to be. But I am very wary of others in the first place.

I think it's worth considering, talking can help, but I think it will go down smoother if you are both aware that neither you are asking to be fixed nor they should take up onto themselves to do that. If you do share, then sharing itself is the goal. Having someone who knows what you are going through and how you feel. If they can help you past that then that's amazing but I think that's a place to start.

So far they seem to compassionate and sensitive but I questioned myself and my judgement these days.

Yes I'd definitely try my best to make that clear to them if I speak to them about it. Thank you for replying maybe talking won't be too bad.

I think you should talk to your friend. But you should also be aware your friend is (likely) not a professional and so may say the wrong thing, without bad intentions, and regardless is not equipped to "stop" you or "change your mind." A friend is someone to lean on, absolutely, but you might find yourself needing to reach out to other people as well at some point. Telling your friend is an excellent place to start and I think you should do it, just be aware you may need to involve other people as well.

Thank you for your answer I'll keep that in mind. I'm not expecting something back from them, I just felt I could talk to them about it. I don't want to make things worse for them though.
I am quite concerned about getting other people involved. Crisis services and certain people around me would certainly make things more difficult if they knew. If an actual health service wants to get involved and provide the help they keep putting off giving me for years than that'd be nice.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

I've always thought I would not speak to anyone about me wanting to ctb as I don't want them to feel guilt or responsibility. This was a rule as such and something I felt very firmly and sure about. I want to ctb very soon. But I actually feel there's a friend in my life who I want to talk about this with. I've not felt like this before (past attempts).

I'm torn about whether to or not. Everyone is always saying to just talk to someone. I'm ok with my mind being changed that's still a lot of pressure on them though if they're the one to change my mind. I doubt it will be changed so I don't want to hurt them put too much pressure on them or traumatise them in some way I care a lot about them. I also don't want to scare them away either or drag them into my problems and screw them up to. I'm confused about feeling this way as I've never wanted to discuss this feeling with people irl and because of that I've been debating cutting them off completely so they're not so hurt when I do ctb. When I imagine talking to them I just feel guilty for putting that weight on them or like they're going to be scared of me and think I'm mental and want no more to do with me. Their actions towards me so far haven't indicated that they would be, but I have been treated that way in the past when people have found out how I feel. I don't know what to do.

Sorry about this rambled text, I hope it makes some kind of sense.

If you value your privacy and secrecy regarding CTB researching and planning, telling someone can cause unwanted attention and suspicion - I have experienced this recently and regret it

 

[Shouldhavebeendone]

If you value your privacy and secrecy regarding CTB researching and planning, telling someone can cause unwanted attention and suspicion - I have experienced this recently and regret it

That is something I worry about especially if further people find out. But I think if it's just them then it might be ok. Thank you for letting me know though, I'm sorry that's happened to you recently I hope it gets better for you soon.