should i stop trying to find love

[annoyed]

i feel like it's making it hard to find people that im their type at most times and the only two times i've almost ever had something they were really manipulative so it wasn't healthy enough to keep. everytime i like someone they tell me that i wasn't what they were looking for primarily because of my skin color and sometimes i'm made fun of for being my race and gay so its really hard to go out and try to flirt with men without fearing of making them uncomfortable.

sometimes i just want to accept the fact that maybe this life isn't going to reward me with a healthy relationship so whenever i think a guy is attractive and want to talk to them i subconsciously degrade myself so i lose the confidence. im just terrified of rejection and i feel like myself as is isn't enough tbh

but i just want advice like should i just start being more comfortable with the fact that ill be alone forever. i haven't had a relationship since middle school and im 22 now so you can say i'm pretty lonely xdxdddd i don't want to hear the love yourself first bullshit because it's been a literal decade since i've had something actual with someone and i've had ample amount of time to love myself. im okay with being by myself as i have for a while but not ever being able to attract anybody makes me feel like there's something wrong with me and i hate myself for it

(i think maybe it's safe to add that i mainly look online for relationships because irl is a huge can of worms that's just too much to open up. dating life in my city is documented to be pretty poor and not a lot of gay men around my age that i would be interested in dating and the times i've tried they weren't interested in me either or just wanted sex ,,, idfk)

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it's something only you can really decide. It felt like the right decision for me- when I worked out that all my crushes were limerence and they were causing me more pain than joy. My life is much calmer now I have dropped that desire to find someone. I also hated putting in the effort to try and look attractive so- it's also been a relief to drop all that shit and just be comfortable now. I find I can still indulge in imaginary crushes on actors etc. and, get my fix that way.

Obviously though- I think it's down to the individual. Just how important the prospect of human connection is to them. The other thing is- I'm ok (so far) on my own. I don't tend to get lonely. So- I think there's a lot you need to think about. What your needs are. Whether they are worth pursuing.

You can also still be open to meeting someone in your mind, without actively trying to pursue people. That would seem like maybe a more sensible middle ground option to take.