Venting Should I message them and ask if he's been talking to them?

[greyblue_bian]

My boyfriend has been extremely distant and doesn't talk to me anymore. I wasn't worried that he only had girls that were his friends following him and him following them, until now, I've got a feeling he's maybe talking to someone else. He's also started following another girl. I've sacrificed my self-respect and directly told him this just to make another desperate effort at getting him to care for me or at least pretend to. I was thinking maybe I should just ask them if he's been talking to them after I asked him. I don't like doing these types of things and would rather just hear him say he doesn't give a fuck about me anymore or something than go around asking everyone if he's cheating on me behind his back. I plan on CTBing soon anyway, so it doesn't matter what the answers are. He's said and done (we're long distance) things that have hurt me and never wants to talk through arguments and either tells me I'm over-thinking and/or re-assures me and tells me I'm tired or he's tired and we should go to sleep and talk about it the next day. Then he barely responds to my calls or texts and acts like everything's fine.

 

[AInilam]

In any healthy, mutual relationship communication is key. If he can't manage that and leaves you feeling increasingly more neglected to the point that you suspect infidelity then I think it's in your best interest if you abort this relationship altogether. I know it's hard, especially when you're feeling down and lonely, but it'll only hurt worse when you feel alone or neglected by someone who is supposed to love and support you. Also, I don't think it's attention-seeking, disrespectful or shameful to have a serious, mature discussion over something that genuinely concerns you. However, to stay with a man who still makes you feel this way even after approaching this as fairly and patiently as you already have would be the opposite.

 

[greyblue_bian]

In any healthy, mutual relationship communication is key. If he can't manage that and leaves you feel increasingly more neglected to the point that you suspect infidelity then I think it's in your best interest if you abort this relationship altogether. I know it's hard, especially when you're feeling down and lonely, but it'll only hurt worse when you feel alone or neglected by someone who is supposed to love and support you. Also, I don't think it's attention-seeking, disrespectful or shameful to have a serious, mature discussion over something that genuinely concerns you. However, to stay with a man who still makes you feel this way even after approaching this as fairly and patiently as you already have would be the opposite.

Thanks. I like your Portals profile.

 

[pole]

frustrating to read how you're treated simply because the other person cannot communicate how they feel and be honest. instead, they make you feel like you're the problem.

I would be blunt and ask him straight up. perhaps in a sneaky way, where he doesn't know what you're up to, in a way where you get him to admit or deny, enough so you can tell and sniff out whether he's lying or not, and then double back and confirm by talking to one of the girls.

or, just be real with him. if I was in your shoes, I'd be fucking tired of these games. be honest, what the fuck are we? is there something wrong? did I do something? why are you being like this? like tell me how you feel because I'm done. I'm tired, exhausted with feeling this way, as if I'm the problem.

have that discussion, put the ball in his court, and all you have to do is listen. he will show you just how much he cares by his responses and how he considers your feelings.

lastly, when you pick up on the feeling that it's over, his heart isn't in this anymore, drop him and leave. it hurts but no one deserves being a doormat and having to sacrifice their self-respect for a pos who can't even be honest and direct with you out of respect.

I know the feeling too well, but what stung me more and destroyed me is feeling stuck and wandering aimlessly. not taking that step forward despite knowing it was over because I was scared and didn't want to lose my favourite person.

feeling unwanted, alone, and being an anchor for someone who doesn't view you with the same love and care anymore is painful. but, what hurts more is being stuck. it's a slow, agonizing death.