Should I Let the Friend Who Ghosted Me Back into My Life?

[Celerity]

So, right on the heels of a love interest dropping me without a word like a sack of potatoes, my best friend did the same thing. Now she's back almost a month later wanting to talk again, and I'm over it. Part of me just wants to shrug and let it go because I'm running out of fight, but another part of me insists I tell her to fuck off because I deserve better.

Thoughts?

 

[motel rooms]

This is your best friend? How did she apologize?

 

[Celerity]

This is your best friend? How did she apologize?

Yep. Best. Isn't it sad?

"Sorry for the silence. Depression hit hard and I wasn't talking to anyone but family for a while. Starting to get out of the funk. How are you?"

I can understand, but she has done this repeatedly, and I'm not sure I believe her about the "only family" bit. She's done this before only to hang out with her other friends like normal.

 

[Weary Soul]

You do deserve better.

I am not defending this person, just asking - did she give you any reason why she ghosted you after she contacted you again? I ask because maybe there was something going on in her life and she needed to shut down.

If it were me, I would likely ask why they did what they did and if I could understand that answer, I would let the person back in my life; however, at the same time, I would make it very clear that if in the future they need to shut down again (aka, go ghost), then I had da** well better be given a heads up and a reason and if the go ghost without giving me this, they are done (set a boundary).

I would also watch for lies - personally, I cannot tolerate them and that to me is a full stop and permanent goodbye.

Ultimately though, I would ask myself if I could live with being ghosted by my best friend again. If the answer is no - you have your answer.

 

[Celerity]

You do deserve better.

I am not defending this person, just asking - did she give you any reason why she ghosted you after she contacted you again? I ask because maybe there was something going on in her life and she needed to shut down.

If it were me, I would likely ask why they did what they did and if I could understand that answer, I would let the person back in my life; however, at the same time, I would make it very clear that if in the future they need to shut down again (aka, go ghost), then I had da** well better be given a heads up and a reason and if the go ghost without giving me this, they are done (set a boundary).

I would also watch for lies - personally, I cannot tolerate them and that to me is a full stop and permanent goodbye.

Ultimately though, I would ask myself if I could live with being ghosted by my best friend again. If the answer is no - you have your answer.

I guess that's reasonable. I just don't know if I believe her and am still pissed about being ghosted. She has done this before. Even in my worst depression, I always texted back.

 

[motel rooms]

"Sorry for the silence. Depression hit hard and I wasn't talking to anyone but family for a while. Starting to get out of the funk. How are you?"

I can understand, but she has done this repeatedly, and I'm not sure I believe her about the "only family" bit. She's done this before only to hang out with her other friends like normal.

Tell her you're too depressed to talk to her & that she should contact you in about a month

 

[Celerity]

Tell her you're too depressed to talk to her & that she should contact you in about a month

Lol, that is only fair!

 

[Weary Soul]

Depression can manifest in people in different ways.

Again, not defending her, just maybe trying to come at it from a different viewpoint.

That being said, you have every right to protect yourself.

Sounds to me like this is a repeating pattern on her part, so I am thinking that maybe give yourself a bit of time to think it over, and decide if this is something that you want to deal with in your life? You will find your answer.

<3

 

[motel rooms]

Lol, that is only fair!

She's a shameless repeat offender

 

[WornOutLife]

Well, I've ghosted lots of people because of my mental problems and some of them started talking to me again but I explained to them that I might ghost them again because my depression and bipolar disorder are unpredictable.

Maybe you could listen to her excuse and decide what the best to do is?

It all depends on you!

Hugs,

Matt

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

I'm in the same situation. Have been for the last 5 years or so. My bf works as a permanent seasonal worker, which means she works only in the summer and the rest of the year she doesn't but still gets financial support. So, when she doesn't work she calls me every day, wants to hang out but when summer comes she flips the switch and I cease to exist for three months. This gets on my nerves so I pester her for a time, get into arguments with her, but she just shrugs it off, so I get fed up and give up, simmering in the feeling of abandonment once more.
Summer passes, she starts to call again like it's nothing, doesn't even adress the fact she ignored me for three months. She's not the one to apologize or show weakness. She's cold like that. Still, I never had a friend quite like her, we clicked immidiatelly, share the same interests, we never run out of things to talk about and she seemingly care about me for 9 months a year.
But I'm so angry at her, even more at myself for letting it go. I run to her like a puppy every time she calls even though I would rather live without all that distress.
But she's the only person that knows everything about me, the only one I can confide to. And she listens, she tries to help, she would like to see me happy. No matter how revolted I get when I lose her, I view her as a safe harbour where I can be myself without judgment. So I return... Out of cowardice, neediness, dependancy, fear... It took me so long to open up and build this relationship, I'm just not prepared to let all my efforts be for nothing. The concept of being stranded in the open sea without having a safe harbour to return to frightens me. I would truly have no one if I don't have her. I need her more than she needs me. But I need her all the same.
Maybe the best course of action would be for me to thoughen up and accept. But every time, my emotions get the best of me.

 

[Celerity]

She's a shameless repeat offender

Joaquin Phoenix was such a babe in that movie even if he was trying to pork his sister.

 

[motel rooms]

But she's the only person that knows everything about me, the only one I can confide to. And she listens, she tries to help, she would like to see me happy.

Summer passes, she starts to call again like it's nothing, doesn't even adress the fact she ignored me for three months.

She's a really weird bitch

 

[motel rooms]

I was disrespected by the guy I had the longest friendship/relationship with, but at least he was always willing to get pounded, which actually made things even more complicated, but oh well, whatever, never mind

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

Well... I let someone come back in my life after ghosting. I was angry, I was sad, but I like that person and because that I try to understand why.... So every situation is unique. And yeah I'm happy now that I let him come back. But! He was doing wrong and he knows that.

Do you know why she did that? What she is saying?

It's not right that someone is threatening you like that. You don't reserve that! Remember that and think what you feel... Those are hard situations. I know.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

If you get something out of the relationship (fun times, opportunities for something, etc) I don't see why her strange behaviour should matter.

 

[Symbiote]

Stay ghosted, she doesn't need to call for you to talk because she needs you at that moment in time, and then you're an after thought after she gets her fill of you.

 

[motel rooms]

Joaquin Phoenix was such a babe in that movie even if he was trying to pork his sister.

I've always enjoyed his inarticulate, perverted vulnerability. That scar on his lip is yummy too

 

[FuneralCry]

I used to have a friend like that a few years ago, who would ignore me for a while and then would come back. Eventually I stopped caring and broke contact fully. Some people aren't worth it in my opinion. There is no point wasting time on people like that. It depends on the personal situation though I would maybe try to find out why.

 

[Celerity]

Well... I let someone come back in my life after ghosting. I was angry, I was sad, but I like that person and because that I try to understand why.... So every situation is unique. And yeah I'm happy now that I let him come back. But! He was doing wrong and he knows that.

Do you know why she did that? What she is saying?

It's not right that someone is threatening you like that. You don't reserve that! Remember that and think what you feel... Those are hard situations. I know.

Supposedly, she was depressed. She's been depressed before and talked to her other friends just fine.

Stay ghosted, she doesn't need to call for you to talk because she needs you at that moment in time, and then you're an after thought after she gets her fill of you.

My thoughts exactly.

 

[Celerity]

She stopped responding again. Looks like I'm making her feel a tiny bit guilty for not texting back - not enough to stop the ghosting though. LOL

 

[Broken Buzz]

I've found myself in this situation recently with someone who genuinely cared about me, but evidently not enough to stick around. Once or twice a month, late at night when she needed medical advice she contacted the only expert she knew and like magic, I was there to make it better.

Then with my duty done, she'd fall asleep and my messages would go unanswered. This pattern persisted for months and months and I realised that I was being taken advantage of. She recently said "you're genuinely one of the few people who has always been there for me" which is ironic because that benefit definitely isn't mutual.

I decided that I deserved to be treated better, well, I say decided... It was more that I reached the end of my tether. She may have her reasons for ghosting you, but that doesn't mean you're not allowed to be hurt. I wish I had something more profound to say than "dude, tell her how it made you feel" but if the friendship means as much to her as it does to you then these periods of ghosting should be negotiable - after all, every friendship should involve give and take.

As for me, I took my own advice and nothing changed, but that told me all I needed to know about what I actually meant to that person (evidently not a lot), and that has become clear in the fiasco that unfolded today.

I hope it works out for you anyway

 

[Celerity]

I've found myself in this situation recently with someone who genuinely cared about me, but evidently not enough to stick around. Once or twice a month, late at night when she needed medical advice she contacted the only expert she knew and like magic, I was there to make it better.

Then with my duty done, she'd fall asleep and my messages would go unanswered. This pattern persisted for months and months and I realised that I was being taken advantage of. She recently said "you're genuinely one of the few people who has always been there for me" which is ironic because that benefit definitely isn't mutual.

I decided that I deserved to be treated better, well, I say decided... It was more that I reached the end of my tether. She may have her reasons for ghosting you, but that doesn't mean you're not allowed to be hurt. I wish I had something more profound to say than "dude, tell her how it made you feel" but if the friendship means as much to her as it does to you then these periods of ghosting should be negotiable - after all, every friendship should involve give and take.

As for me, I took my own advice and nothing changed, but that told me all I needed to know about what I actually meant to that person (evidently not a lot), and that has become clear in the fiasco that unfolded today.

I hope it works out for you anyway

I'm sorry. You know how it feels then. No one chooses me if they have options, it seems. My mood has really taken a turn for the worse since I got dumped. My friend knew a girl I was interested in just ghosted me too when she decided to do the same thing There's really no excuse for it if she actually cared about me. She clearly only cares about herself - just like that girl was with you. Now that I can't offer the validation she seeks, I am worthless to her.

 

[Broken Buzz]

I'm sorry. You know how it feels then. No one chooses me if they have options, it seems. My mood has really taken a turn for the worse since I got dumped. My friend knew a girl I was interested in just ghosted me too when she decided to do the same thing There's really no excuse for it if she actually cared about me. She clearly only cares about herself - just like that girl was with you. Now that I can't offer the validation she seeks, I am worthless to her.

I do, I'm sorry to say we share that pain - I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. As others have said, she might have had some issues of her own but knowing you when you were ghosted recently, that was an awfully shitty thing to do to you as a friend. Perhaps it's worth giving her some time to see what she says after she's had time to reflect, but set your boundaries and keep to them. As I've discovered a number of times, you can quickly forgive and forget when they message you again in a flurry of apology, just happy to matter again, only to get hurt when it transpires nothing has actually changed.

 

[Lmd]

I ghosted someone of this forum and I really appreciated that he forgave me. I ghosted him due to my depression, talk with him and responding answers made me feel bad and even a simple hello saturated my brain. I consider him now as a good friend and my vision and thoughs that make me ghost him disappeared with time and patience and of course this didn't happened with other people. It's not about the person, it's about our perception and how we struggle with some topics or experiences. Of course forgiving her is up to you but I don't think you should compare yourself with other people or believe that you are less because of that.

 

[TooConscious]

Sometimes we get ghosted for good reason.
Its difficult to see our own flaws and even harder to acknowledge e them. But you end up with better relationships for it.
Depends if this friend is using you.
A friendshio is give and take, would they listen to you vent for an hour a day if you had a bad situation?
Would they let you have their couch if you were homeless?

Many things like this come into play and if the "No" outweighs the "yes's" probably not good but we usually need someone else not emotionally involved that we trust to lay out the situation for us.

 

[nightnightnitrite]

I have to admit, I cut off some of my friends due to my ex not liking me hanging out with anybody however I never directly made it their problem. If they texted me I would respond, not with as much pep however other peoples mental health problems are not a personality trait or your problem to deal with. Nobody should be forced to be on hold or standby for another. You deserve more than that no matter how close you two might have been at one point.

 

[Forgetting5]

From my experience if they did it before they'll likely end up doing it again

 

[Celerity]

From my experience if they did it before they'll likely end up doing it again

Yep. Best predictor of the future is the past or "a leopard never changes his spots", right?

 

[motel rooms]

Sometimes we get ghosted for good reason.
Its difficult to see our own flaws and even harder to acknowledge e them. But you end up with better relationships for it. ... we usually need someone else not emotionally involved that we trust to lay out the situation for us.

Are you suggesting that ghosting people is a form of tough love? Being willing to speak bluntly & truthfully, even if what is being said is difficult to hear, is very different from disappearing from someone's life