Help Should i go back to therapy?

[Walking Disaster]

Hi guys, i don't know if going back to therapy is the right choice, i mean...for years i went through different things not telling anyone, after 6-7 years i just wasn't able to keep everything inside and talked to my parents, well nothing changed but i was able to start therapy..i should say that before going to therapy and open up to my parents i was fantasizing about it, probably because i wasn't able to talk to anyone about my problems and so therapy in my mind was like the thing that would save me, well i wasn't really thinking that but yeah i for sure was overhyping therapy. i started therapy and the first appointments were good, i just described my entire life and what happened but after that my problem of not being able to tell thing about myself kicked in again, telling her the fact and what happened was quite easy but telling about my feelings and stuff i couldn't do it so with time therapy just became going there and telling what was happening during those days, i mean something was useful..i was telling her about how things at work wasn't going so well or people that i was seeing at work but all of those thing were not as important as how i was feeling. after a year i decided to stop because yeah it was good having a day to talk to someone and say how things were going and what was happening to me (usually i spend like 12 hours on my pc and have 0 interaction with people so) but i feel like that wasn't helping me, i wasn't talking about my feeling and how i really feel inside.

I feel like i wanna get back to therapy but i know i will not be able to open up about the deepest thing i need to say, or in general talk about my feelings and emotions, and i don't want to make it usless again. Also i should probably talk again to my parents if i wanna get back to therapy and that's another thing i don't wanna do, i just can't i don't know why.
I just feel like i don't even deserve to say to people that i'm struggling, my mind is always telling me "you are just faking everything" even if after years and years of no social life and problems probably i'm not faking things my mind just keep telling me that everytime , and so i feel guilty and worthless and not allowed to talk about myself

 

[Ixtlilton]

I'd say to try to go to therapy again. It's ok that you can't open up about your deepest feelings, it may just take some time. Also, it gives you at least some human interaction.

 

[porfin1234]

Hello! Thank you for sharing your story. I think it takes time and trial and error to find someone you feel comfortable with. I am curious where the guilt for sharing comes from and the thought that you are faking it. Have you been told in the past by someone that you shouldn't share your feelings?
If you want to chat or vent this is a good place!

 

[Walking Disaster]

Thank you!

Hello! Thank you for sharing your story. I think it takes time and trial and error to find someone you feel comfortable with. I am curious where the guilt for sharing comes from and the thought that you are faking it. Have you been told in the past by someone that you shouldn't share your feelings?
If you want to chat or vent this is a good place!

Mmh no not really, people always tell me instead that i should share more about myself..it's complicated to explain and i probably can't understand it fully myself...probably by not saying anything to anyone for a long period of time and going through ups and downs i was always like"i don't know if this problem is real or just a temporary thing that i'm making bigger than how it really is" and people not knowing nothing couldn't tell me anything so it was a continue cycle of thinking to myself"well i'm depressed -> no you're not stop trying to find excuse for not doing nothing in your life -> new problems -> yeah maybe i'm really depressed and then again doubting myself" lol it sound so stupid i know. i think that for how much stupid it sounds i would probably feel better if someone just diagnosed me so i could stop going through this stupid process. i don't even know why i still do to be honest since after going through cutting, suicide ideation, 0 interest in everything ecc. it should be pretty clear that something is happening. My biggest fear probably is opening to someone and hear them say, nah you don't have nothing you're just overeacting... and not be understood

 

[porfin1234]

I see. To me it doesn't sound stupid. You seem to be pretty self aware at least. Do you have any sort of outlet to help with the feelings? Writing, art, etc. Even if your feelings are not proportionate to reality they are still there. I think maybe getting to the root of why the affect you the way they do and finding better coping skills (like not cutting for example if that makes things worse- have you tried holding ice instead? Trick I was taught when I self mutilated for handling intense emotions).

Have you been seen a professional that would diagnose you if you think that would help?

 

[Walking Disaster]

I see. To me it doesn't sound stupid. You seem to be pretty self aware at least. Do you have any sort of outlet to help with the feelings? Writing, art, etc. Even if your feelings are not proportionate to reality they are still there. I think maybe getting to the root of why the affect you the way they do and finding better coping skills (like not cutting for example if that makes things worse- have you tried holding ice instead? Trick I was taught when I self mutilated for handling intense emotions).

Have you been seen a professional that would diagnose you if you think that would help?

my best outlet is music, i really love and can't live without listening to music, it helps me so much..sometimes it's not enought but still.

When i was going to theraphy i was avoiding that topic,like i was never using words as depressed or nothing related to mental illness, i was scared even tho it was probably what i wanted to do.
Maybe i should start with a new therapist just to make things different and not going in the same mechanism i was doing before, i mean the therapist i had wasn't bad but i had the feeling that talking to a random person that was willing to listen to me was the same thing.
Anyway thank you again for responding, feels good to chat with someone that doesn't automatically avoid these things like in real life...

 

[NonsenseTrash]

I say you give it another chance. Therapy can be incredibly helpful if you are able to find the right therapist that you can trust. It may take some time to get to the point where your comfortable expressing to them all of what is going on. But, if they are any good, they'll be able to help guide you there.