Should I go again tomorrow?

[estadiare]

Hello, guys. Last night I wanted to CTB by jumping off a bridge. When I arrived at the bridge, I wasn't too happy because there was way more than I had anticipated. As I walked to the spot where a concrete street was underneath, the people in front of me were ignoring me and I was trying to avoid eye contact at all cost, looking ahead or to the side. On the other side of the street I heard a group of teens mumble 'that dude is very mentally unwell' and crack jokes. This made me even more nervous, but I kept going. When I arrived, I heard some excited shouting. Not sure whether they were because of me. I didn't see anybody, but there are several spots where you can see to the bridge but I might not see them back because the bridge is way more well-lit. Whenever a bus or a car were driving by, I continued walking and looked away from the side of the bridge to try to keep a low profile, but it probably didn't work. Whenever a taxi drove by, I would think for a split second they are cops. When I finally realized that I wouldn't have any moment when no one was watching, I finally went to the edge of the bridge. My plan was very straightforward: hang drop onto the safety net 10 feet below, then jump headfirst onto the concrete 100 feet below. But then I realized that I was standing there for several minutes already and the cops were probably well on their way and could arrive at any moment so I decided to run off instead. The shouts turned into cheers. when I was near the end of the bridge, I saw a cop driving by the bridge without pausing, no sirens or anything. I really didn't wanna do the walk of shame back home, so I waited a solid 10 minutes before coming back, but before I had the chance to walk near the bridge, a cop drove by. I decided to leave and a few seconds later, a third cop drove by. It drove through the side street I was in instead of the main street like the others, but luckily it didn't stop. So I made my walk of shame back home.

I think tomorrow, I will have inherently better chances, since a lot less people should be out on sunday->monday night than on saturday->sunday night. I should walk confidently to cause less suspicion and jump immediately, even if hundreds are watching, as long as its not cops. I could also go on 3 AM instead of 2 AM. What do you think?

Do you think the cops were just a coincidence or is this what they will do when they are called for something like this? Drive up and down the bridge for 10 minutes?

 

[Ash]

My experience is that if the police were called about you, they would have stopped you for a chat, even if just to close the log.

 

[black and white]

that's the problem with crowdy public place. and no matter the hour you're planing to do it, there's always a chance of people being there. Now if you look honnestly the situation, you will realise that you are focusing on details that shouldnt matter. No matter if people shout or do jokes (you're maybe wrong), all those things are excuse that divert you from your plan. I see it as another trick of surival instinct. I'm in the same situation, planning to jump from where i live, and most nights i find details as excuse to think it's not the best day (raining, too cold, some people not sleeping etc). But those are excuse to escape the plan that i want to achieve but afraid to do. In reality i'm in a region where it doesn't rain much, nor being very cold even late at night, and even if there is a light in one or two in some appartments, they won't see me and can't prevent. Those are just excuse my head try to focus on, reflecting how i'm afraid to do. And it's going on like this since two months, and now i'm running out of time as i did put myself in a situation where this will be complicated to live (can't pay more rent, did quit my job etc.). Even if i began to be afraid and blocked by my living situation, it still very hard to make the final step, even if it's just a little one (let it go and let you fall).

It's pretty hard to find the courage to make it and this is all about it. If not, you wouldnt have stayed that long on the bridge, you would have done it immediately, no matter what people shout or not.
I have no solution for you either as i'm in the same situation, and will probably be again tonight. Will i find the force and the courage to make it finally??. Because it's just about that, not those little details that should have no meaning in my plan...