Help Should I do it?

[SomeEdgeLörd]

Well, let's start from the beginning. What I want from this post is to share a little bit of my story and ask you all for some outsider advice on whether I have good enough reasons to end my life or am I just been childish.

I'll try to keep it simple for an easier read. I'm 23 years old Brazilian pathetic piece of shit. Although born in a relatively good family (in terms of money and support) my parents have become more like an enemy, or at least antagonists in my life. They don't respect me and I don't respect them anymore. Why should I respect the people who brought me to this hellhole, right? But, in all fairness, they do have some amount of good reasons to not respect me... to be honest... there are too many good reasons to list here. I can't get a job, can't get a girlfriend, I've literally zero money in my pockets.

I feel like I'm not making a good case for myself here. I tried to keep this post simple and perhaps I've simplified it a little too much, but trust me when I say I've reached rock bottom. My last concrete suicide attempt was about 12 months ago (or 11... not sure anymore) and ended up in the ICU for a few days. Although two days ago I did some testing with a rope and an anchor point to see if it would work.

I do have some interesting stories to tell about how my life feels like a comedy movie and I'd like to hear some of yours too so we can discuss if suicide is the right answer for us.

Just a quick off-topic question: Have you ever felt like you're living in a comedy show for aliens or something like that... Like a "The Truman Show" where people at home laugh at your disgrace.

 

[chocolatebar]

No one can tell you if you reasons are good or bad and if suicide is a "right answer". This is something that only you can think for yourself. It would even be against the forum's rules for someone to say so.

 

[SomeEdgeLörd]

No one can tell you if you reasons are good or bad and if suicide is a "right answes". This is something that only you can think for yourself. It would even be against the forum's rules for someone to say so.

Well, guess you're right. It does feel like the right thing to do...

 

[PapaSuicide]

You didn't give many reasons! Well, you should try to talk to brazilians, follow thread link!

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/alguem-no-brasil.13741/page-61#post-1288981

 

[SomeEdgeLörd]

You didn't give many reasons! Well, you should try to talk to brazilians, follow thread link!

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/alguem-no-brasil.13741/page-61#post-1288981

Yeah... you know when you have a ton of things to say and you simply don't know where to start? That's what happened. But as I said: trust me when i say i've reached rock bottom

 

[Risperdead]

yes sir, the feeling to be some part of comedy show is well known here. part of derealisation and depersonalisation and for beeing targeted individual and therefor a playball for the perpetrators.

 

[overcomingfear]

If you are unsure then don't do it. don't call yourself pathetic because thats never good for you. try improving your life and yourself one small step one day at a time. surely you can get a job if you dont have serious health issues. i thought the same about myself, i have 9 grade education and i can get an ok job. dont stress about a gf ever because its hard to find a caring gf. sounding like a dumb pro lifer here but i bet its not hopeless for you

 

[Irrelevant biologist]

Rule of thumb, if you have to ask, you aren't ready

 

[SomeEdgeLörd]

Rule of thumb, if you have to ask, you aren't ready

It depends if i´m on medication or not... right now i'm not

 

[Irrelevant biologist]

It depends if i´m on medication or not... right now i'm not

Um, disagree. Respectfully.

 

[SomeEdgeLörd]

Why?

Um, disagree. Respectfully.

 

[Irrelevant biologist]

Why?

So full disclosure, I'm drunk. But. If you were on meds, then that means you are still trying to figure out your imbalance. You owe yourself every opportunity to fix your mental illness before you ctb. So no, meds is not a good reason. If you are on meds it means you still have a glimmer of hope. Either that or the med would make you ctb itself quickly. So you wouldn't be talking to us.

 

[SomeEdgeLörd]

So full disclosure, I'm drunk. But. If you were on meds, then that means you are still trying to figure out your imbalance. You owe yourself every opportunity to fix your mental illness before you ctb. So no, meds is not a good reason. If you are on meds it means you still have a glimmer of hope. Either that or the med would make you ctb itself quickly. So you wouldn't be talking to us.

That's not necessarily true. You can't assume that just because someone is or isn't taking meds. It's flawed logic. Suicide is complicated and you can't just assume someone's exact condition based on this observation.

 

[Irrelevant biologist]

That's not necessarily true. You can't assume that just because someone is or isn't taking meds. It's flawed logic. Suicide is complicated and you can't just assume someone's exact condition based on this observation.

I can evaluate intent tho.

 

[SuicidalAgain]

they do have some amount of good reasons to not respect me... to be honest... there are too many good reasons to list here. I can't get a job, can't get a girlfriend, I've literally zero money in my pockets.

The reasons you listed aren't good reasons for them to not respect you. That lack of respect from them is only adding to your pain and if they want you to achieve those things, that's a really shitty strategy. My mom has done the same, the more people make me feel like shit for things like that, the more I feel like a failure because I can't function like them, and the farther I get from ever being able to achieve those things, and the more I wanna get the hell out of this crazy existence. Is it the same for you?
It is so aggravating for me to read that you tried to ctb before (and recently) and yet here they are, pushing you to your limits again, as if nothing happened, most likely not providing you with the help you need.

Your reasons aren't childish, but a change of environment might do you good, if that's an option for you (maybe college, in a far away city?)

 

[SomeEdgeLörd]

I can evaluate intent tho.

I think it's a bit of a rushed conclusion

 

[Irrelevant biologist]

That's not necessarily true. You can't assume that just because someone is or isn't taking meds. It's flawed logic. Suicide is complicated and you can't just assume someone's exact condition based on this observation.

Look as stated, I'm drunk. You aren't ready. But what the hell do I know. I wish for you to stay. But I am leaving this convo before I get into trouble. Please stay, I wish you the best.

 

[chicken neck]

If you are on meds it means you still have a glimmer of hope.

A sizeable portion of people who kill themselves are on meds and are in therapy.

 

[SomeEdgeLörd]

The reasons you listed aren't good reasons for them to not respect you. That lack of respect from them is only adding to your pain and if they want you to achieve those things, that's a really shitty strategy. My mom has done the same, the more people make me feel like shit for things like that, the more I feel like a failure because I can't function like them, and the farther I get from ever being able to achieve those things, and the more I wanna get the hell out of this crazy existence. Is it the same for you?
It is so aggravating for me to read that you tried to ctb before (and recently) and yet here they are, pushing you to your limits again, as if nothing happened, most likely not providing you with the help you need.

Your reasons aren't childish, but a change of environment might do you good, if that's an option for you (maybe college, in a far away city?)

I went to college in a far away city; 600Km to be precise. It was there the first time i actually tried to kill myself... although as you'll probably notice; i'm not really good at suicide. And yes, i do agree the reasons presented aren't very convincing at firtst. I feel like i have so much to say i don't even know where to start. That's why i told you to trust me when i say my life is in a pretty bad low point right now.

A sizeable portion of people who kill themselves are on meds and are in therapy.

Very well observed.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

I believe you when you say it's bad. It's also bad for me. I think anyone in my shoes would off themselves. Feel free to say more about what you're going through. Take care

 

[SuicidalAgain]

I went to college in a far away city; 600Km to be precise. It was there the first time i actually tried to kill myself... although as you'll probably notice; i'm not really good at suicide. And yes, i do agree the reasons presented aren't very convincing at firtst. I feel like i have so much to say i don't even know where to start. That's why i told you to trust me when i say my life is in a pretty bad low point right now.

No, I mean, the reasons for your parents to not respect you aren't good, especially after what you went through with ctb. They should help you and it doesn't look like they are.

 

[Superdeterminist]

Sorry for your unfortunate circumstances, I think that wanting to die in your situation is entirely rational, you apparently have horrendously unsupportive parents, and the job/money/gf stuff is really important for most guys, without those things we may feel inadequate, especially because of societal pressure. I myself am in a very similar predicament, struggling in all those same areas, and I really think that's the cause of my wanting to die, not because of any kind of brain disorder. Genuinely, if most other people were in our shoes they very probably would be happy to kick the bucket as well. As to your question, I'm sorry but I can't answer it, it feels wrong and is against this site's rules to advise you to die, but I will say that were I in your shoes (I am to some extent - there's similarity in our circumstances) I would probably want to call it quits, if no clear opportunities for a better life present themselves soon.

 

[SomeEdgeLörd]

No, I mean, the reasons for your parents to not respect you aren't good, especially after what you went through with ctb. They should help you and it doesn't look like they are.

Indeed they are not, although they think they are... i guess that is the biggest problem here

Sorry for your unfortunate circumstances, I think that wanting to die in your situation is entirely rational, you apparently have horrendously unsupportive parents, and the job/money/gf stuff is really important for most guys, without those things we may feel inadequate, especially because of societal pressure. I myself am in a very similar predicament, struggling in all those same areas, and I really think that's the cause of my wanting to die, not because of any kind of brain disorder. Genuinely, if most other people were in our shoes they very probably would be happy to kick the bucket as well. As to your question, I'm sorry but I can't answer it, it feels wrong and is against this site's rules to advise you to die, but I will say that were I in your shoes (I am to some extent - there's similarity in our circumstances) I would probably want to call it quits, if no clear opportunities for a better life present themselves soon.

Sorry to hear that too bud... I mean, to read that haha. If you feel like sharing experiences i'd be very happy to meet someone with similar life experiences because it might us, or at least me" feel a bit less alone in the world. Feel free to DM me.

 

[Jumping_realms]

You are 23, an adult, I know you have no money, but maybe try programs offered to help until you can get therapy and on your feet? I'd at least try some options before jumping to CTB

 

[FohPah]

Is there one thing in your life that's making you miserable, that you could cut out of your life before you die?

 

[SomeEdgeLörd]

You are 23, an adult, I know you have no money, but maybe try programs offered to help until you can get therapy and on your feet? I'd at least try some options before jumping to CTB

I've therapy once a week and I go to a psychiatrist every 45~60days

 

[Jumping_realms]

I've therapy once a week and I go to a psychiatrist every 45~60days

Gotcha. Sucks that's not helping.