Venting should i ctb

[h8yourself]

i'm a teen, (don't ban) transgender, with several mental illnesses (some are heritary.) i have a physical disability that made me unable to go to school, so i dropped out in grade 6. it's been years. i'm finally getting surgery after 7 years or something of physical pain and it's costing thousands of dollars even with insurance. once i get surgery, i don't think it'll be worth it. i'm so far behind in school, i forgot the basics. i cant even socialise at all. i have one IRL friend and that was luck i even found him. it's illegal to transition, even hormones where i am so everything seems hopeless. this year, i've actually felt better, and idk why. everyday i used to plan to ctb and sh yet i haven't been dealing with those thoughts everyday. and i feel pathetic because of it.. i was so used to those thoughts, wtf changed? and why did i feel like thay before? was it all so minimal that it just changed in a snap? did i waste years moping and several ctb attemps just for me to ""get better"?? i hate everything

 

[Death is my goal]

you shouldn't ask us whether you should ctb or not as it's completely up to you, you know yourself better than anyone.

 

[h8yourself]

you shouldn't ask us whether you should ctb or not as it's completely up to you, you know yourself better than anyone.

i dont think that's true , i feel like i barely know myself a lot of the time idk how to explain it

 

[Death is my goal]

i dont think that's true , i feel like i barely know myself a lot of the time idk how to explain it

i know what you mean i feel the same, but i meant like the time for you to ctb... no one knows when to ctb better than you

 

[cami]

if you think you have a chance at recovery, i say wait until after the surgery to make your decision. that way you have time to really think it through, and a chance to maybe feel a little bit better. it's up to you in the end. also, when you say you're a teen how old are you? my messages are always open if you need to talk anything through.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry that you have to endure such horrible suffering in your life. Nobody can answer your question because it's a totally personal decision. I wish you strenth to make the right decisions when they have to be made. I hope you find peace.

 

[WaffleWoman]

i'm a teen, (don't ban) transgender, with several mental illnesses (some are heritary.) i have a physical disability that made me unable to go to school, so i dropped out in grade 6. it's been years. i'm finally getting surgery after 7 years or something of physical pain and it's costing thousands of dollars even with insurance. once i get surgery, i don't think it'll be worth it. i'm so far behind in school, i forgot the basics. i cant even socialise at all. i have one IRL friend and that was luck i even found him. it's illegal to transition, even hormones where i am so everything seems hopeless. this year, i've actually felt better, and idk why. everyday i used to plan to ctb and sh yet i haven't been dealing with those thoughts everyday. and i feel pathetic because of it.. i was so used to those thoughts, wtf changed? and why did i feel like thay before? was it all so minimal that it just changed in a snap? did i waste years moping and several ctb attemps just for me to ""get better"?? i hate everything

at the end of the day the choice to ctb is up to you while i feel for your struggle you should try to wait it out considering your also still underage i assume from the first sentence

 

[clavicals]

If it were me I would wait for the surgery.
Due to physical neglect I was left without treatment for basic things I needed for a long time that caused pain and I was unaware why it was like that. Once I realised and started addressing the problems then life got so much easier to manage.

I don't know your situation tho, and given your age you've got time to change it for yourself.
Give it a shot I mean u got nothing to loose right

 

[FuneralCry]

That does sound really awful and tiring what you've had to endure, it's certainly such a dreadful world we exist in where people suffer all through no fault of their own, but anyway I wish you the best, only you know what you should do.