losttagain
Member
- Sep 10, 2024
- 50
I am really asking this on a site because I don't feel capable of making the slightest decision. It's my birthday in a week and I es planning to ctb before it but couldn't. I just don't know how I'm gonna deal with spending that day. I don't wanna celebrate my existence. I don't want to receive love that I'm not capable of feeling or retributing. I don't wanna be with everyone knowing that in a month I'll be dead. But I'm afraid that if I don't do anything to celebrate I'll raise suspicions. I can't even think of dealing with being with my friends. I haven't been out or with anyone in months. But I guess it would be nice to make it as a goodbye. Without them knowing. Which is terryfing. I'll probably just fake and say I'm ill. But at the same time I wanna be with them for the last time I feel like I owe them that. But I can't imagine being in a social situation right now. I would just panic.
