Discussion Should I call my friend

[Flume]

A guy I've known since 2009. Told him I had sucidal thoughts 2016 but since then I've been quiet about this. It's a nice person but he doesn't fucking care about me... we used to live close to each other but now he studies half way cross the country. He comes home during the breaks (like now) but even then he never fucking calls me.

I'm leaving in Januari... should I arange so I can see him one last time. This fresh memory of me will be stuck in his head for good or bad, how he takes the news I don't know. Should I also tell him that I feel betrayed, that I feel like he just fucking left me out in the cold. Never calls, never texts, no nothing. He knows that I feel like shit but never says or does anything either.

A part of me wants to hurt him. I could meet and act like everythings fine and then later boom I'm gone, that'll probably put some guilt into him. At the same time he was the one that kept me here, without him I would be gone way earlier.

I don't know what to do...

 

[OreoWellington]

I think you should be honest, open, and expressive about how you feel with him so at least you could know the truth about how he feels about you while you are alive. Sometimes you could be surprised by what people have to say, which can either be good or bad. Knowing the truth from his own mouth can help bring you a sense of closure or understanding from his side of things. You deserve to know the truth while you are alive. In some cases (not all), our own minds can play tricks on us that our loved ones (those we care about) don't care as much about us as much as they do. A little openness and honesty can go a long way.

 

[Circles]

It's entirely up to you, and only you can know what's best. But just with the limited information you've shared in my opinion I don't think you should cause I believe it's not going to help either party unless that's your intention. It might lead into an argument in which you try to convey how you feel but he may not even understand it and/or even may feel attacked in some way, then if it gets heated things will be left unsaid and may make you feel worse. Especially If he never contacts you one bit it'll be off setting and awkward to just tell him straight away in the conversation everything you want to say and may get overwhelmed and leave. Quite frankly if you believe he doesn't care then he probably doesn't. I'm sorry to be blunt but I think it's a risk for you emotionally.

 

[Moonicide]

I would honestly see it through as it is something you're contemplating. It is best to get everything out in the open if it is possible before you ctb. Even if it ends on a bad note, you would know the outcome rather than having a what if... I've always thought ctbing without the what ifs clouding your mind is a much more cleaner and peaceful way to go.