Should I break up with my partner before I ctb?

[ms-lovely]

When it comes to my situation, I'm pretty sure nobody thinks I plan to end my life or that there's anything wrong with it as it currently stands. I have a great relationship with my family, graduated college, most people consider me as good looking, have good friends who care about me, and I am an active person who maintains a healthy routine of sports and exercise. I have hobbies (dancing, rollerblading, tennis, trailing—you name it) and I travel once or twice a year. All that helps make things a bit more interesting, but I am constantly uninterested in life. So I don't think anyone is going to see this coming. I'm not particularly sad, but I should add that I am bored of everything. I always have been, but I think I have adapted myself to fit into the life I have, never feeling fulfilled. First attempt to ctb i was in my teens was drowning failed, second i was already in my adulthood rat poising also failed but became extremely ill for a long time.

I have a partner who cares about me deeply. Our relationship is as good as one can be, and there is very little negative about our relationship. I love him deeply as well, but I wonder if I should leave him before I ctb. I want him to be happy, and honestly, I want everybody to be happy after I'm no longer here. It sucks because I know this is not something they see coming, and I just want to minimize the damage that I'm going to cause to all my loved ones.

Next week I should be receiving SN, and my 30th birthday is on the 20th of July, I plan to celebrate my birthday with my loved ones and then just ctb a day or two after. I'm hopping they will be left with a good memory of me. And also the sensitive dates to grieve will be very close together, I think that's good removing the necessity to grieve on two separe occasions, since my birthday and ctb date will be close together.

Not sure if thats a good plan, how would you go about it if you were in my place?

 

[penguinl0v3s]

No, from a perspective of someone in a relationship I would hate that. And I think most people would say the same.

You don't hate someone just because you break up. There's definitely a point where you miss them more. And if it's a healthy relationship it would just hurt them for no reason and leave them confused why you broke up with them.

You may also think that it's a good idea because it decreases the chance of them finding out you died, but they'll find out from someone down the grapevine no matter what. And delaying them finding out just makes it worse, not to mention on top of the weight of a break up.

 

[Nikitatos]

What's the problem? Sounds like you have a good life.

 

[eunoia]

When it comes to my situation, I'm pretty sure nobody thinks I plan to end my life or that there's anything wrong with it as it currently stands. I have a great relationship with my family, graduated college, most people consider me as good looking, have good friends who care about me, and I am an active person who maintains a healthy routine of sports and exercise. I have hobbies (dancing, rollerblading, tennis, trailing—you name it) and I travel once or twice a year. All that helps make things a bit more interesting, but I am constantly uninterested in life. So I don't think anyone is going to see this coming. I'm not particularly sad, but I should add that I am bored of everything. I always have been, but I think I have adapted myself to fit into the life I have, never feeling fulfilled. First attempt to ctb i was in my teens was drowning failed, second i was already in my adulthood rat poising also failed but became extremely ill for a long time.

I have a partner who cares about me deeply. Our relationship is as good as one can be, and there is very little negative about our relationship. I love him deeply as well, but I wonder if I should leave him before I ctb. I want him to be happy, and honestly, I want everybody to be happy after I'm no longer here. It sucks because I know this is not something they see coming, and I just want to minimize the damage that I'm going to cause to all my loved ones.

Next week I should be receiving SN, and my 30th birthday is on the 20th of July, I plan to celebrate my birthday with my loved ones and then just ctb a day or two after. I'm hopping they will be left with a good memory of me. And also the sensitive dates to grieve will be very close together, I think that's good removing the necessity to grieve on two separe occasions, since my birthday and ctb date will be close together.

Not sure if thats a good plan, how would you go about it if you were in my place?

I think your plan is pretty good. Though I wouldn't break up with your partner because since it IS a good relationship, it'll hurt to leave them wondering what went wrong and overthink something that they don't need to think about.

It sounds like what you have in your life is pretty awesome and I'm real sorry it doesn't help you feel any better. I know "having everything you could ever want" doesn't necessarily mean it'll make you happy. Kinda like the saying "money doesn't buy happiness." I think that saying can vary from person to person as it can bring happiness to some but not always, you know?

I'm still sorry tho and honestly I'm kind of interested in hearing more about that if you ever feel like you want to go more in depth about it!
Either way, I hope you have a peaceful time.

 

[CocoToxBase]

What's the problem? Sounds like you have a good life.

Could look good from the outside but the inside isn't good. I have a great life and a great family but i still try to ctb due to having complex ptsd. Just because someone's life may sound good doesn't mean it actually is, there's a lot that happens in people minds that no one knows so just respect it. You don't even need a reason to ctb to get out of this hell world, being alive for a start is a reason to ctb

 

[astr4]

if i'm being honest i think the best time to break up with them was before you decided to ctb! second best time would be asap, imo. and then giving it a few months so they can move on, but idk that that necessarily fits into your time frame.

i'm of the opinion that before i ctb i need to alienate and ghost as many of my friends as possible so less people will be hurt (and that way i also feed my loneliness which makes fighting si easier). i'm not sure if that aligns with your values but i wanted to offer it as some food for thought.

you mention being bored of everything, and i obviously wouldn't suggest this to a healthy person, but i feel like on a suicide forum it's okay for me to ask — have you considered drugs?

 

[ms-lovely]

No, from a perspective of someone in a relationship I would hate that. And I think most people would say the same.

You don't hate someone just because you break up. There's definitely a point where you miss them more. And if it's a healthy relationship it would just hurt them for no reason and leave them confused why you broke up with them.

You may also think that it's a good idea because it decreases the chance of them finding out you died, but they'll find out from someone down the grapevine no matter what. And delaying them finding out just makes it worse, not to mention on top of the weight of a break up.

I guess that is the reason I've been so hesitant, I know for a fact he will find out, he is likely to be the person taking care of everything when I'm found regardless of us being still together as a relationship or not it's kind of impossible to alienate him out of my life since we have been together for close to 10yrs.

I guess my thought process was more along the lines of having him know we are not romantic partners anymore and it's not because of anything he did wrong, and to make it absolutely clear this decision it's not something they could've avoided or help the situation in some way.

But I guess a I can try my best to convey that in a letter and that could help.

What's the problem? Sounds like you have a good life

Precisely, I think I've had a good life so far, I just don't see the point in it. I don't feel particularly happy and life feels kind of empty, I don't know how to explained it but it's like being and not being here may as well be the same thing.

I've felt like that since I have memory, but I always felt like I have the duty to make the most out of everything and do the right thing. Just like in the past I've tried to stop everything, I think now I want to truly stop for good. That's the one thing I want for myself.

I think your plan is pretty good. Though I wouldn't break up with your partner because since it IS a good relationship, it'll hurt to leave them wondering what went wrong and overthink something that they don't need to think about.

It sounds like what you have in your life is pretty awesome and I'm real sorry it doesn't help you feel any better. I know "having everything you could ever want" doesn't necessarily mean it'll make you happy. Kinda like the saying "money doesn't buy happiness." I think that saying can vary from person to person as it can bring happiness to some but not always, you know?

I'm still sorry tho and honestly I'm kind of interested in hearing more about that if you ever feel like you want to go more in depth about it!
Either way, I hope you have a peaceful time.

That is true, I always felt the responsibility to make things work so I would say I did end up with a decent life because otherwise it would've been a waste of time for me and also my family that put effort in providing everything I needed.

But also I did try to optimize my life as much as I could in the hopes that some day I would just feel different, but that's not the case.

It's like living in my head never being really happy, nor amused or excited about anything. I just became really good at emulating reactions that are not real.

Could look good from the outside but the inside isn't good. I have a great life and a great family but i still try to ctb due to having complex ptsd. Just because someone's life may sound good doesn't mean it actually is, there's a lot that happens in people minds that no one knows so just respect it. You don't even need a reason to ctb to get out of this hell world, being alive for a start is a reason to ctb

Totally, in life it takes a lot to maintain anything that is remotely good and it can be shattered in an instant. Existence itself is so fragile, I've been here this long because I refused to let the people in my life be let down but I honestly think I've done enough and it's okay if I no longer want to keep trying.

if i'm being honest i think the best time to break up with them was before you decided to ctb! second best time would be asap, imo. and then giving it a few months so they can move on, but idk that that necessarily fits into your time frame.

i'm of the opinion that before i ctb i need to alienate and ghost as many of my friends as possible so less people will be hurt (and that way i also feed my loneliness which makes fighting si easier). i'm not sure if that aligns with your values but i wanted to offer it as some food for thought.

you mention being bored of everything, and i obviously wouldn't suggest this to a healthy person, but i feel like on a suicide forum it's okay for me to ask — have you considered drugs?

My reasons to break up with him is more on the lines of prioritizing his happiness so he can move on quicker, we've been in each others lives for so long that even if our romantic relationship ended we would still be in each others life.

But I think I'm already too late to break things off. But I was always of the thought that alienating yourself is kind of counter productive because people will think you needed help and they didn't provided when it was needed you were left alone. In my case I know him and also loved ones will have this believe.

I've tried drugs and alcohol. At first they feel good, refreshing even but once you get used to the feeling and novelty wears off it's kind of the same feeling as going for a run or buying something new. Didn't fill me the way I thought they could and risk-reward relationship it's not great.

In my case the risk is not particularly ruining my life since I honestly don't care too much but affecting the people around me. Me struggling or having a bad life equals making things harder for loved ones.

 

[Worndown]

He will not be happy if you are together or not. Emotions do not turn off like that.
Take the thoughts you have shared here and leave him a kind but direct note about why you made this choice. You cannot stop him grieving, but you can give him context. That will allow him to understand and that is the best gift you can leave.

 

[devils~advocate]

In your case, I dont think you should leave before doing this. It will hurt them more....
Maybe make a recording of how you feel about them, what they mean to you, etc. Not only for this person, but for others in your life.

But Ive thought about this myself...leaving my relationship before ctb....Ive been married twice, currently married.
And my relationship plays into some of the reasons for CTB in my case.
Part of me wants them, and others to see what has happened to me. For some I want it to cause chaos & grief....for others that I love, I don't want them to feel any sadness. I have been recording myself talking about my life, things that happened chronologically, how things affected me, etc. Just so all the ones that know me can understand my thoughts. I guess when the time comes, I'll have several hours worth. Maybe this is something you can do as well....just so they can have closure.