I really root for your recovery, it's totally possible when enough time will pass and you won't push yourself to think about this person. Give yourself a month to weep and mourn. Your current condition is painful and understandable but not eternal. I totally think you will be fine after some time and will find someone who fits you better. Even if rn you think she was your forever person (I went through this as well), in a few months you will start to notice early signs of relationship crumbling + some shortcomings of your ex that you didn't see before.
I'll give a little context for you to see and perhaps relate to.
I dated my ex girlfriend for a few years. She was my absolute soulmate and I could share anything with her. But I was and still am impulsive and this resulted in us fighting sometimes.
I was going to propose to her a year ago. I found a flat for us to move into. I was totally prepared to start a life with her, when we had our last quarrel. She left dirty, saying things to me that really broke me and bothered my friends.
I wanted to ctb, I cried my eyes out, but then after a few months I thought back to our relationship and remembered all those little things I ignored. Like she threw away an expensive gift I gave her once. Yikes. 90% times you don't notice that until you've broken up.
