Shame

[Aliaiactaest]

I believe that perhaps the most important driver of suicide is shame. Shame can be totally irrational and very person- and culture-specific. I've read about high-achievers in India who CTB because maybe they failed a university entrance exam. How fucked up is that? But I know it resonates for myself. Shame is not about what you are, but about what you think you should be.

 

[Weems]

Shame has utterly destroyed me.

 

[Scribble Fan]

Yes, shame constantly devours my soul until it descends into fiery self hatred. For no reason. Or maybe it goes back to childhood, who knows.

Wherever the cause, these feelings alone nearly make suicide an enticing option.

 

[Rukia]

I have a problem with shameful memories attacking my mind randomly...they pop up out of the blue really...

 

[Severen]

In other words, brainwashing and abuse from society... Making people CTB since the beginning of humanity. People need to look at why they feel shame with nothing but pure logic and see it if actually makes sense or not. If it doesn't make sense, purge the shame from your mind and get the fuck away from that toxic society.

 

[Weems]

Yes, shame constantly devours my soul until it descends into fiery self hatred. For no reason. Or maybe it goes back to childhood, who knows.

Wherever the cause, these feelings alone nearly make suicide an enticing option.

What I really hate--and wish I knew before I made the choices I did--is how shame destroys the rest of your mind. There's no such thing as "intelligence" when you hate yourself. Every thought is aborted. I can't watch movies or read novels anymore--any depiction of real human feeling drives me into a rage. I feel taunted by what I have lost.

It's physical now, the reactions to my memory. On a surveillance camera it would look like I was being beaten by an invisible assailant. Pangs in my stomach and chest. A sudden wince, or I make a fist. Every few moments, something else. Internal monologue is reduced to: Oh no no no no. I didn't mean that. I'm so sorry. I don't believe anything like that. I wasn't in my right mind. I try acceptance: I said that. I did that. Then back to rehearsing what I want to say to my poor parents.

 

[mathieu]

Shame is a big driver for me. I'm ashamed at failing my education, failing to work, to maintain friendships. Ashamed of the way I look and my poor mental health.

 

[Severen]

Shame is a big driver for me. I'm ashamed at failing my education, failing to work, to maintain friendships. Ashamed of the way I look and my poor mental health.

What you are telling me is like a dog telling me, he is ashamed of not being able to do all the cool tricks to appease his master, unable to get along with other dogs and ashamed of being a Pug and depressed. What an evil horrible monster you are! /S Would you look down on such a creature? A lot of people wouldn't... Why?

 

[TheBlackSwordsman]

I work in an emergency room and I see local university students come in all the time suicidal all from the same school. I guess cuz it has a prestigious name and it is very expensive to attend there, those students must be feeling a lot of pressure to do well. I wish I could talk to them and share my thoughts with them, but I'd probably lose my job for doing that. As for myself, shame is a huge driving factor. To look at myself and see the person I have become and how far away it is from any version of the person I wanted to be or I easily could have become if not for just a small handful of different decisions, destroys me over and over each day. Its too late to course-correct, so I find myself filled with shame and guilt and a strong sense of self-loathing. When I'm talking my face is normal, but otherwise I spend the majority of my day with resting bitchface. I'm so angry with myself, I can never forgive myself.

 

[AsexualBarbieBoy]

I have a good mix of both guilt and shame. I've proven myself to be quite a shit person over the years.

 

[Orin]

What you are telling me is like a dog telling me, he is ashamed of not being able to do all the cool tricks to appease his master, unable to get along with other dogs and ashamed of being a Pug and depressed. What an evil horrible monster you are! /S Would you look down on such a creature?

I'm certainly guilty of this (being too hard on myself, but thankfully not so much anymore).

I don't agree with everything David Icke says but i think this really helps with regards to the topic of being different:

 

[Severen]

So many people are just like Clayton Bigsby in this world and they don't even know it. Sad...



I see a lot of SS members who are basically Clayton Bigsby.

 

[Final Escape]

I believe that perhaps the most important driver of suicide is shame. Shame can be totally irrational and very person- and culture-specific. I've read about high-achievers in India who CTB because maybe they failed a university entrance exam. How fucked up is that? But I know it resonates for myself. Shame is not about what you are, but about what you think you should be.

I can relate. This might be the biggest reason I've decided to ctb.

 

[hauntedmosaic]

I believe that perhaps the most important driver of suicide is shame. Shame can be totally irrational and very person- and culture-specific. I've read about high-achievers in India who CTB because maybe they failed a university entrance exam. How fucked up is that? But I know it resonates for myself. Shame is not about what you are, but about what you think you should be.

I totally get that. I feel ashamed that I haven't managed to graduate all these years and now I'm at risk of exclusion.