Shadow being

[signifying nothing]

I don't feel that I am plausible as a human being. It seems a farcical pretense that everyone plays along with, everyone knows is a fallacy.

Bizarre construct. Approximation. Fake. Mimic.

I have no integrity. Characters in books, films seem more real.

If not human, what am I? An animal, a creature, a monster? A thing, yes, a thing.

A jumble of things that together approximate what a human ought to be - real, living, alive.

In this way I am a shadow being, not a real being. I am unreal. I should not exist. I do not really exist.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Have you ever been tested on dissociative disorder?
What you describe sounds a lot like it...

 

[Brick In The Wall]

What does it really mean to be human, or to exist anyways? Your guess is as good as any. You have an interesting view of it and I applaud how you've conveyed it.

But I'm fairly certain you're indeed a human. If you were a robot you wouldn't have gotten past our sophisticated CAPTCHA software!

 

[signifying nothing]

Dissociative disorder and a host of other stuff, complex PTSD being the catch all.

I don't suppose it helps living alone and spending 99% of my time interacting with nothing but things, lacking human contact, particularly physical contact. But then I find it incredibly difficult trusting anyone, so stuck between a rock and a hard place. The thing I need is the thing I fear the most :(
So I'm left feeling inhuman.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

The thing I need is the thing I fear the most :(

I believe that is probably true for all of us, it's just that many don't realise it. Also, the things we protest the most tend to be the things we could easily fall to ourselves.
My situation is similar. Illness and the virus make me more or less alone. I get out and talk to neighbours and make friends with random dogs and cats. And I share stuff on here. Other social media seems vacuous to me now.
I find it difficult, but then I'm not terribly impressed with humanity and I actually prefer my own company.

 

[Lordsudbury]

Dissociative disorder and a host of other stuff, complex PTSD being the catch all.

I don't suppose it helps living alone and spending 99% of my time interacting with nothing but things, lacking human contact, particularly physical contact. But then I find it incredibly difficult trusting anyone, so stuck between a rock and a hard place. The thing I need is the thing I fear the most :(
So I'm left feeling inhuman.

I'm the same, some days are really bizarre

 

[signifying nothing]

Sometimes I think the worst thing we do is to put ourselves inside rooms, behind doors and locks. It separates us from so much. I think sometimes I might do better being homeless, forcing myself into the environment I keep myself away from by staying inside all the time.

It would definitely rebalance my fears about the world, though probably not a sustainable way to live long term.

 

[XYZ]

I too suffer from confinment. The walls are slowly caving in on me. I know each nook, each crack like the back of my hand. If nothing happens soon to break the spell, I fear there will be nothing left of me but my staring. And after some time, the staring will be gone too, it will become one with the walls and I will disappear.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Read title and was hoping you might have the power to shatter my soul out of existence or something

 

[signifying nothing]

Read title and was hoping you might have the power to shatter my soul out of existence or something

Shadow being, mortal ghost, human facade over a complicated nothingness. Little or no soul in evidence here.

I too suffer from confinment. The walls are slowly caving in on me. I know each nook, each crack like the back of my hand. If nothing happens soon to break the spell, I fear there will be nothing left of me but my staring. And after some time, the staring will be gone too, it will become one with the walls and I will disappear.

Like the tree that falls in the woods - if unobserved, does it make a sound?