Hey, I just wanna let you know that you're
not a horrible person. Death is an inevitable thing, it's something we can't just predict or control. I'm sorry that you had to deal with that experience and condolences to your teacher :(
As for getting better, if you could come to terms with it will help. I don't know how you cope with things but the way I'd handle really stressful situation is through writing it down in a journal or a piece of paper. One of my friend told me a saying that I couldn't remember much but it states that writing down your problems or anything you're troubled with could already help you solve 50% of it. It's not verbatim but you get the idea! You could also talk about it, understand why you're feeling that way and talking about it long enough could help you understand yourself and as well as feel comfortable with that topic. I, myself am still dealing with abandonment issues but I'm trying to work on it now.
I wish you the best of luck and sharing all love and hugs to you
