Venting Several failed/thwarted CTB attempts

[CHOSEVIOLENCE]

I have had many failed/thwarted CTB attempts in my lifetime. My ex-psychiatrist mused that it must not be my time to die, and I wonder if it's true. I'm still looking for other methods despite my repeated failures because I really do want out of this life, but I've already spent over $2,000 in total from my failed attempts, money I could've used to help pay off my debt instead. What's to say the money I spend on my next attempt won't just result in more failure/money wasted? It may seem illogical to keep trying after so much failure, but I am desperate and have even been considering more painful methods so long as they yield results (I was going to drown in a river, but the bridge is patrolled at night, so I've never gotten the opportunity). It may sound odd, but I'm honestly tired of putting in so much effort to die. I and no one else should have to invest this much time and resources in having an at least somewhat pleasant death.

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally just find it so cruel and dreadful how people cannot just have the option to painlessly die and are instead suffering in an existence they wish to be permanently free from, I understand why you'd feel so tired of it all, I really wish that suicide is straightforward. But anyway best wishes.