Venting Set up to fail from the start

[Nymph]

I feel like I was supposed to fail from the start. I don't believe in destiny and stuff but it seriously feels like I was meant to fail and that there was no other path.

i was born into the wrong body, everytime I fucking see myself I wanna throw up. I'm disgusting. I have so many thoughts, scenarios in my head where I take surgeries into my own hand and just chop myself into pieces and ctb. I just don't want to suffer like this anymore. I wasn't supposed to be like this but there's no option. I'm so depressed and unmotivated to continue living in this body so I can't get a job and earn money. I just want to kms so I don't have to be in this human bag of flesh. I look so gross.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm sorry to hear this. I know what you mean about not liking yourself. In my case, I can't believe how fat I got! I just avoid mirrors.
Anyway, I'm sure you are beautiful for lots of people out there and what's important here is that you're such a nice person! I really like seeing you around the forums.


Lots of hugs and love to you.

 

[death137]

I'm sorry to hear that. I totally relate with you. Do you have a degree?

 

[Josef2000]

There are options, you can have surgeries and all sorts of procedures to change how you look although I feel that your issue may be more internal and not as simple as changing appearance.

I wish you the best

 

[Nymph]

I'm sorry to hear that. I totally relate with you. Do you have a degree?

Me? A degree?

There are options, you can have surgeries and all sorts of procedures to change how you look although I feel that your issue may be more internal and not as simple as changing appearance.

I wish you the best

It's mostly external actually, i really wanna get a mastectomy but the healthcare doesn't pay it

 

[death137]

Me? A degree?

So you haven't reached the age to have a degree? I'm in the age where I should have a degree and work or studying for master. But being a subhuman ruined it. I hope you won't face the same fate.

 

[Nymph]

So you haven't reached the age to have a degree? I'm in the age where I should have a degree and work or studying for master. But being a subhuman ruined it. I hope you won't face the same fate.

I'm just 18 and I'm still studying. I'll probably be dead when it's time to have a degree. Our school system is different here so I'm just gonna b doing "maturitas" which idk what that's called in English. I don't have motivation to do barely anything so I can't imagine getting a degree or going to a job. I just wanna dissapear

 

[nowhere2befound]

I feel sorry for you. I can't even imagine your suffering. I sometimes feel like people on this forum are just not meant to be in this world, as if we all here got too unlucky.

 

[MindFrog]

I think a lot of us are just not fit for this environment. Sometimes I wonder if we're born in a different era will it be better? Maybe a time were mental health care is better or where trans rights is accepted by the majority?

I'm down on my luck myself, and even if I explain it to others, it comes off as complaining.. I dont think I'll ever "come out of the closet" but it's really shitty how just the way you are as a person just makes you a defect from their eyes.

I dont want to throw my individuality away but sometimes I wish I was "normal".. I feel like i'm betraying myself either way.

 

[*Hope*]

I understand that feeling all too well. Wish you all the best and hopefully things will look up to you

 

[lost_soul83]

Me? A degree?

It's mostly external actually, i really wanna get a mastectomy but the healthcare doesn't pay it

So you were born as a female and want to transition? I'm so sorry that it's not attainable for you. I hope someday you can have the surgery so you look the way you were meant to look on the outside and feel better on the inside. Just an FYI though, you have a beautiful soul.