Remember, we live in a society where individuals with mental illness(es) are treated differently (taught we are merely that, nothing else), and trying/wanting to end your suffering by ending your life is wrong - sometimes even held against your will - yet a religious person is respected for talking about a man in the sky (god), but if we did that.. we would be labeled crazy and locked away - what is the difference? My opinion, obviously.
Apologies for the elaborate comment (ESSAY LOL), I struggle to be brief, particularly when I am passionate about a particular subject.
You could leave the note near your body perhaps? Might be more beneficial
All the best
Here don't apologise for the essay reply.
I'm the same, and to be honest if more people were honest
the world would be a better place.
The problem is when people try to be brief, and create categories for people.
The thing about where i live.
There has been public campaigns that its okay to have mental health problems.
But then when the doctors get a hold of you, and all the other services
tied to the mental heat crowd. they demonise you and orcastrate you
and treat you like your a criminal.
Personally I have a diagnosis of schizophrenia.
And over the years I have managed to calm
down my hallucinations.
top the point that i have identified stress as the trigger.
so what i do is i try to minimise that stress.
and if i do see something that scares me i will go make a drawing out of it
and if i hear something which scares me i will go write a poem about it
and that usually helps
I don't fight the "illness" any more.
And ironically I have had a few situations
where i have seen spirits of dead people
only to later learn that what i saw was tied to a historical situation.
Ill give you two examples.
i was in a house where a guy had died.
And because i was the new tenant the guy that was in my room
moved into the room of the guy who had died.
and this guy used to moan and cry at least once a week
about the fella that died.
Then one day i saw the dead spirit so i chased it out of the house
with some sage.and from that moment on there was no more crying
or moaning about the guy that had died.
Another example is that i was in a house where i saw a guy in a military uniform.
So i asked my landlord did a solider ever live in the house
and it turned out that a the widow who used to in the house
her dad was a solder. this woman never married or nothing.
and after i moved in i saw the spirit of her dead dad.
And there are tribes of people around the world
who would see this as a spiritual gift
but here in the west we demonise people like that.
I mean targeting a minority and poisoning them into a state
of commodification is just wrong.
I then had to see a psychiatrist as the hallucinations were getting bad
as my stress was running away.
and i was told that i should be on medication all the
time because i might stab someone.
I mean i have never had violent tenancies.
and when i see something
the worst thing i will do is cry.
And also i will finish on this.
y reason for CTB has nothing to
do with my hallucinations.
my stress levels are low at the moment
and i haven't seen anything in a few months.
but at the same time, i'm sure they will try to
make the narrative out to be that i ctb because
i wasn't taking medication. which is just pure BS
and that's why i want to send this letter to the
media.
In some ways i want the people who wronged me,
I want the wrongs to be made public.
because i know I'm not alone in the suffering i am going through.
which has nothing to do with mental illness
Without going into too much detail
The way people get treated when they
are homeless is awful.
The services don't give a shit.
its that simple, and the hostels are awful.
people get assaulted, robbed even ra**d.
and i mean guys on guys.
So there is a lot of failures causing a lot of suicides
and none of them are getting reported in the media.,
And i just want the failures to stop.
and if i can mention those failurs after i CTB
through a news agency.
then would that shame the crows enough to change
the error of their ways?
Yes, you should get it published to inform the public on those who are suffering in mental distress. Many people are ignorant on the situation. My boss herself told me my mental state and tears were "BS" when I am bullied at work into tears. Every week, I am humiliated in front of others and told I'm not wanted in the department. My boss gaslights me into claiming she doesn't know what's wrong with me and has done everything to offer help, and I told her that it doesn't help when she is constantly putting me down and reminding me about my weakness, fears, and every mistake I have made, no matter how small. When I went to her to ask her a simple question she didn't feel like answering and told me my entire time at work was "BS", I just about wanted to stab myself in front of her, if there was a knife nearby. She told me she'd rather I file a complaint about her then have to talk to me and so I did. I wrote 5 pages on how I've been harassed and bullied and how she encouraged others to discriminate against me and everything she has said to me confirms my existence has been meaningless if I am just constantly getting berated; it was a complaint and suicide notice in one. I included text messages and emails to back myself up which amounted to a total of 48 pages and this was just for the last 6 months. There was an investigation on her that should have been done in 2 weeks and they were going to have a meeting with me on the findings but they ended up cancelling on me 3 times, which backs up that I'm unimportant and will never be a priority. Sharing the document probably didn't do anything- I just wanted everyone to know that toxic leadership is unacceptable as it leads to low morale and makes the company nothing more than a statistic of workers wanting to end not just their careers but their lives; in writing it and the act of sharing it gave me some peace of mind, knowing at least I took some kind of action instead of remaining silent about it...people can't say "I never knew...I didn't see that coming...that person never said anything" and it may further help you too, knowing you took steps to educate people, before you decide to go.
Jesus, you brought a tear to my eye.
you more or less told my story.
Obviously you cant tell someone your going to
CTB they will just think your looking for attention.
So i actually made 2 attempts this year
both were planned to fail and both did fail.
but It was my way of trying to give these people a warning
about what im going to do.
but the last time they just laughed at me in my face.
like that is just sick.
Iv done everything to warn them of what i'm going to do
and they just laugh at me.
So in my letter i have every little detail documented.
and i suppose in some ways if something good can come
from my death then why not send this letter.
proton mail the email service actually has a
time delay feature for sending emails.
so i know that i can send that email after i have ctb
