Venting Selfish for CTB

[silentcicada]

I had a few open discussions with my partner about wanting to CTB and I'm very disappointed to find that he thinks suicide is selfish.
His grandma committed when his mom was young, in return fucked her up, and she abused him.
I did try to explain that it's selfish to expect us to live for other people and not ourselves, that it takes a lot of gall to pull the trigger because SI is a thing, and that (generally) no one wants to die; it's things out of our reach that push us to consider it. But I couldn't get him to understand.

I feel like my reason to CTB is valid. I have a TBI that may never go away and to some doctors I'm already past the point of recovery. No doctor wants to see me because they literally cannot do anything about it and everyone thinks I'm fine anyways because I can still communicate and take a shower despite not being able to retain new information.

The chance of me having a normal life are slim to none at this point. I have to wait possibly for years, rotting away in my bedroom and having to put up with my awful family, for him to finish college and hopefully land a nice job.
This isn't fair. I want to be happy. I don't want to be cooped up in a house all day, I'm fucking miserable.
The rotten cherry on top is he told me he would consider CTB to if I did it.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

You just have to think about yourself and not worry about how the cards may fall proceeding your death. Your situation is probably as justified as it gets. If the thought of your partner CTBing afterwards is too much for you, then the only thing you can do is cut him off ASAP. As in NOW. I know it's easier said than done, but the more faded you are from him at the time you decide to go, the less likely it is to affect him. Best of luck to you.

 

[until death]

I think suicide is not selfish

 

[FuneralCry]

It's just so insensitive to label suicide as selfish as if one wishes to cease existing then that's their personal decision, we aren't obligated to continue existing here. The selfish thing is to expect one to continue suffering when they want to be gone. But anyway it sounds really dreadful what you've been through, it's cruel how people have to suffer so much and I understand why you'd just wish to be free from existing, I wish you the best.

 

[Mirrory Me]

It's not selfish, it's independent. Also according to chaos theory, even the movement of a butterfly's wings can create a hurricane afterwards.