Selfharm SN

[DT2007]

I seriously don't know why I'm doing it. It's been the third night since my failed attempt that I, when I go to bed, make myself a glas of water with some SN. Only a little so that my heart starts racing and I feel nauseous. I seriously don't know why I'm doing it. To feel something going on in my body? To feel getting close to whatever? Doom? It's never enough to kill me. I sip until I feel my heart rate going up and watch my Blood oxygen drop to 70 75 % on my smartwatch. Last night I even puked a little. I don't even like vomiting but it feels...alright i guess, real somehow. I can't help it. On one hand I maybe even hope that it is to much this time and my heart gives in i guess. Listening, Feeling for palpitations. The thought: that's it, when it stumbles on a beat, gives me comfort somehow. I know all this might sound a little off and quite sick in the head. But i can't help it.

 

[DaSh]

I can relate to that you're not alone regarding self harm...

 

[Deleted member 65988]

@DT2007 please don't use sn for self-harm because this is a method that's meant to ctb, not to self-harm and end up getting help medically. Years back, on this forum, there several posts of people stating they took SN to test it and how their body would react to lower non-lethal amounts however I understand having gone through a recently failed attempt has hurt you so much, I don't want to see you do this to yourself. Your Oxygen dropping to low 70s is very dangerous, please don't do this, I know it's not easy but I really don't want you to suffer like this.

How much are you taking and also bare in mind that the more you do this, the more adverse the effects of what Methomoglobinemia does will be even in lower amounts than what you took for your 1st attempt.

I also consider hoping you die with lower amounts of SN and your heart gives in isn't something you'll continue to do.

 

[DT2007]

How much are you taking and also bare in mind that the more you do this, the more adverse the effects of what Methomoglobinemia does will be even in lower amounts than what you took for your 1st attempt.

I also consider hoping you die with lower amounts of SN and your heart gives in isn't something you'll continue to do.

I don't know how much I take tbh. I put a little of sn from the small plastic bag i keep next to my bed im a glas of water. I don't know. Makes me feel something. And when I do it, I ask myself maybe it was ro much this time as in maybe I will die. What do you mean by the mire I do it the more adverse the effects what methemoglobinemia does?

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I don't know how much I take tbh. I put a little of sn from the small plastic bag i keep next to my bed im a glas of water. I don't know. Makes me feel something. And when I do it, I ask myself maybe it was ro much this time as in maybe I will die. What do you mean by the mire I do it the more adverse the effects what methemoglobinemia does?

I'm saying, you shouldn't take a chance on doing this continually because you don't know how it accumulate with Methomoglobinemia. It seems like you are taking a small amount of sn on the off-chance you'll die which I don't think is a good way to approach this.

 

[DT2007]

I'm saying, you shouldn't take a chance on doing this continually because you don't know how it accumulate with Methomoglobinemia. It seems like you are taking a small amount of sn on the off-chance you'll die which I don't think is a good way to approach this.

You're probably right about it. True I guess that's what I do and subconsciously hope for.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

You're probably right about it. True I guess that's what I do and subconsciously hope for.

I know you're probably in an emotional difficult place after your attempt but please, I'd advise you don't do this and stop if you have started.

 

[DT2007]

I know you're probably in an emotional difficult place after your attempt but please, I'd advise you don't do this and stop if you have started.

I'm emotionally devastated after my failed attmept.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I'm emotionally devastated after my failed attmept.

And I'd definitely be the exact same in your shoes, I'd be absolutely devastated over the fact that I made an effort to ctb but it didn't work, if you ever want to further express your thoughts and feelings then I'm ears to talk because I don't think taking sn, however small the amount may be, is a good thing.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm not encouraging you to CTB but why did you attempt a few days ago? SN isn't a self harm method and I'm pretty sure each time you take just a bit it harms your body and health. It's either you want to CTB then follow one of the proven protocols or seek professional help for a potential recovery. But harming yourself and your health is sth that only leads to more suffering . Ofc it's up 2 you but please seek help when you are not sure about CTB instead of harming yourself with a toxic substance.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I'm not encouraging you to CTB but why did you attempt a few days ago? SN isn't a self harm method and I'm pretty sure each time you take just a bit it harms your body and health. It's either you want to CTB then follow one of the proven protocols or seek professional help for a potential recovery. But harming yourself and your health is sth that only leads to more suffering . Ofc it's up 2 you but please seek help when you are not sure about CTB instead of harming yourself with a toxic substance.

Agreed, this is a method that has a strict regimen to be followed for a reason, not something you take for self-harm. DT is really devastated from his failed attemot so its understandable why they feel this way but he shouldn't be doing this either.