What are some ways you nullify or neutralize self-sabotage attempts?
I've been eyeing CCS to buy SN... just in case I ever decide I need it, but I feel like just having it will make things worse. You know?
What you did by posting about this is actually ome good thing you did already actually. By posting about it here you invited accountability. And because you did and I could see it, that gives me the opportunity to tell you: don't waste your time on this. The
only thing this accomplishes is derailing your thoughts to a darker place.
If the time comes that you change your mind, the resources you are looking into here will still be available. And frankly, if you've done your research around here then you know sources for what you are looking for change constantly; the likelihood that a source you find right now will still be available down the road are low, but other new ones will be available instead.
With that in mind, seeking out sources now isn't practically useful for that theoretical scenario down the road. Again, it's only effect right now is to encourage your thinking to be in a place that is unhealthy if the opportunity both exists for you to get better and that opportunity is also something you want.
If you are experiencing wanting to look into those sources in an impulsive way, maybe try to redirect it toward something more positive. Look up more facts about the chemistry of other materials. Put on good music to relax to. Seek out your partner to talk to. Something that works for you that is also not following that urge. The quicker you act to get ahead of these urges, the easier it will be to curb them. I know you can do it though.
