![MoonBat](/data/avatars/l/97/97926.jpg?1724105459)
MoonBat
Mabrigash
- Aug 19, 2024
- 6
As of last week, I told my partner that I have been planning to CTB since January, a few months before I finished my final semester at college. I don't find much joy in the working world and I'm someone who has a lot of love for my free time and freedoms— something a job would completely strip away from. I know, however, these two things can't exist separately since I need money to finance my life. I feel as my bank account dwindles, my time left before I make an advance on my attempt dwindles as well.
My partner, not wanting to lose me, broke down in my arms (which I feel awful about) and told me that I need to tell my parents or a therapist. I feel if I told my parents they would force me to get a therapist and I do not want a therapist because I believe they're addictive and create a system of reliance where they leech on your wallet. The therapists I've been to before don't help, they just drain my parents' money.
This said, I hated knowing I made my partner cry and I know deep down, I do have a love of life despite having a plan to end it. I was wondering for you in recovery, what are you doing by yourself to recover? Does anyone else feel like the only thing prolonging your life is just having freedom to actually live it? Getting a full time job is scaring me because of how much of my life it seems to take away from me. I'm hoping to at least try a part time job to see if I can ease into a lack of freedom as a method of either shutting off my brain or getting some money to support myself and my partner. I want to figure out how to help myself entirely on my own without being a burden on others or relying on spending what little money I have left.
My partner, not wanting to lose me, broke down in my arms (which I feel awful about) and told me that I need to tell my parents or a therapist. I feel if I told my parents they would force me to get a therapist and I do not want a therapist because I believe they're addictive and create a system of reliance where they leech on your wallet. The therapists I've been to before don't help, they just drain my parents' money.
This said, I hated knowing I made my partner cry and I know deep down, I do have a love of life despite having a plan to end it. I was wondering for you in recovery, what are you doing by yourself to recover? Does anyone else feel like the only thing prolonging your life is just having freedom to actually live it? Getting a full time job is scaring me because of how much of my life it seems to take away from me. I'm hoping to at least try a part time job to see if I can ease into a lack of freedom as a method of either shutting off my brain or getting some money to support myself and my partner. I want to figure out how to help myself entirely on my own without being a burden on others or relying on spending what little money I have left.