Yes unfortunately, it's almost like a cornered animal attacking itself. I know logically it does us no favors but we can hardly help it when we are under so much pressure or stress.
One time I was cornered (literally and verbally) in a psych ward office and I walked backwards in distress and disbelief at the type of things that were being thrown at me, only to smash my head backwards into the cement wall several times. Granted, I didn't know it was cement at the time..I wasn't thinking, I was just doing, trying to escape the situation and the madness of what they were setting before me..the lies, the bullshit, the threats, my complete lack of power. They really bring you to the brink of insanity there, if the patient doesn't fit the crazy bill, rest assured they will get them there in no time.
I've had other occasions of similar disturbances and self-attacks but that was the only time I bashed my head against a wall. Other than that I've mostly inadvertently ripped at the remainder of my hair and scratched myself in my sleep as if to physically free myself from my own skin. I do feel so trapped.
Yes, I've broke doors, plastic car panels and a few walls with head. This doesn't mention the things that haven't broken, like windows. Basically anything close by will work.
My own destructiveness is getting less and less rare, I think it's because I am nearing the end...more sadness, more anger, until I can finally die and be done with it. Also I lack any type of real support system and when that fact shows its face, that is when I especially lose it.
