Venting Self harmed for the first time

[Enigma25]

I am 25, and I'm surprised I am like this, but I guess I am only human. What I did was not a good decision, but I have felt overwhelmed emotionally for a long time. I have had suicidal thoughts for a long time and I knew one day I would stop fearing the pain. It happened today at work. I am ashamed of myself if I am honest, yet I also feel a weird sense of pride, and surprisingly, calm. I don't know if I want to go home early anymore.

Again, I know it's bad to do, but its not a "bad" cut. Well, I guess any self harm is bad, and even addictive. It felt good when I attempted last time and I feel better. The worry is that I'll spiral enough to make it worse the first time. I am also aware it could become worse than what I decided today.

I just wanted to voice my thoughts and be seen a bit. I feel better and that causes me to feel odd. If I should have used a trigger warning or spoiler, please correct me. Thanks for reading

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

Theres no need for trigger warning your title is enough of a warning, at least to me,, I struggle myself with sh and it is quite addictive,, I remember being at work and having to re bandage my thighs after cutting the night before and how sore theyd feel and that pulling sensation when lifting boxes and what not but I get how real the pain is when seeking somthing, anything that you can sensate,, to feel alive/awake, to feel relief, to feel validated, to reset, to feel high, to repent,, there are what seems like endless resones for why one self harms..

I dont know you but I feel you, if that makes any sense,, you can be open here.

 

[Enigma25]

Theres no need for trigger warning your title is enough of a warning, at least to me,, I struggle myself with sh and it is quite addictive,, I remember being at work and having to re bandage my thighs after cutting the night before and how sore theyd feel and that pulling sensation when lifting boxes and what not but I get how real the pain is when seeking somthing, anything that you can sensate,, to feel alive/awake, to feel relief, to feel validated, to reset, to feel high, to repent,, there are what seems like endless resones for why one self harms..

I dont know you but I feel you, if that makes any sense,, you can be open here.

I said I wouldn't but I already cut myself again. I didn't wanna tell anybody I knew personally so I told my therapist. I'd forget otherwise. Don't speak to her til wednesday but again, I acknowledge that I'm kinda spiralling. Maybe having an episode. I dunno, but I feel like I should have gone home early. Only an hour and a half left though. Thanks for the kind words.

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

I said I wouldn't but I already cut myself again. I didn't wanna tell anybody I knew personally so I told my therapist. I'd forget otherwise. Don't speak to her til wednesday but again, I acknowledge that I'm kinda spiralling. Maybe having an episode. I dunno, but I feel like I should have gone home early. Only an hour and a half left though. Thanks for the kind words.

Ofcourse mate, your being real with yourself and to many dont have the courage to even try.