self harm

[abruptum]

I know its a really taboo to talk about but idk how to describe the feeling, i used to never think i could be the type of person that would self harm and hurt themselves but lately its all i have to resort to. its just so hard to be alive rn and all i can do is hurt myself to remind myself that i deserve it and that im not living up to the potential i have and all i am is a burden to others. I know this is just all jumbled together but i dont really know how to word my thoughts ive just been going through an awful time I cant explain it but self harm and ctb is all that goes through my mind a majority of the time. I am sorry to anyone here i have let down

 

[BandAddict]

I feel you. S/h is a drug in and of itself. It's like you can't get away from it, it's just so "easy" and feels like some sort of penance for feeling bad, a.k.a. feeling that YOU are bad. I've been doing it a lot these days, it's something that calms me down sometimes or just "makes up" for being a piece of shit, I guess.

I'm sorry you've found yourself bound by this, it really is a horrible thing.

 

[abruptum]

I feel you. S/h is a drug in and of itself. It's like you can't get away from it, it's just so "easy" and feels like some sort of penance for feeling bad, a.k.a. feeling that YOU are bad. I've been doing it a lot these days, it's something that calms me down sometimes or just "makes up" for being a piece of shit, I guess.

I'm sorry you've found yourself bound by this, it really is a horrible thing.

its just new to me and i dont understand why i do it but i also know that i deserve it and if im not going to do anything special with myself i need to punish myself

 

[BandAddict]

its just new to me and i dont understand why i do it but i also know that i deserve it and if im not going to do anything special with myself i need to punish myself

You don't deserve it. Your mind will certainly tell you that and compile all this "evidence" to conclude that you do, but you don't. Imagine someone you care about doing it. You wouldn't think they deserve it, right? If it's something that's started recently, you definitely have time to stop or seek help for it. Don't let it go on for years. You can't reverse it. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but I've been there and am still there. It just gets worse.

 

[Blue Rose]

I could understand what you had tried to explain, so I could relate you also.
Sometimes, I had harm myself to take revenge on my parents or those who had bullied me.
Primary methods were overdosing, bitting or picking or cutting my body, and pulling out my hair.
Having watched their astonished face, I was very satisfied.

But also, I had harm myself for the reasons that you had described on your thread.
Maybe you would feel a kind of strange something, anyway I had.
I had hated others, loved at once. So I had harm myself to revenge on others,
But to punish myself also. Having harmed myself, my guilty was relieved.

And last, to confirm the right and control onto my body, I had so.
Basically, I would like to control myself and my circumstance always.
Then, if something or somebody breaks my peace, maybe I would harm myself again.

 

[abruptum]

I could understand what you had tried to explain, so I could relate you also.
Sometimes, I had harm myself to revenge on my parents or those who had bullied me.
Primary methods were overdosing, bitting or picking or cutting my body, and pulling out my hair.
Having watched their astonished face, I was very satisfied.

But also, I had harm myself for the reasons that you had described on your thread.
Maybe you would feel a kind of strange something, anyway I had.
I had hated others, loved at once. So I had harm myself to revenge on others,
But to punish myself also. Having harmed myself, my guilty was relieved.

And last, to confirm the right and control onto my body, I had so.
Basically, I would like to control myself and my circumstance always.
Then, if something or somebody breaks my peace, maybe I would harm myself again.

I am sorry you go through that also its really difficult to deal with and I just cant help myself that I want to hit myself and burn myself and cut myself :(

 

[Hirokami]

I used to self-harm, as well. It was my only escape. Suicide was impossible for a variety of reasons and I felt like I deserved to suffer. Even now, I'm tempted to cut as it's probably my most effective distraction but now I'd be in jeopardy. I'd lose most of the bonds I've made, as few as they are. If cutting were more accepted as getting a tattoo (relatively) is, I might consider doing it again. I really only stopped for the sake of others more than for myself. When you've essentially been told you're not good enough in the past so many times, it gets overwhelming.

 

[Deardaddy]

fustration led to self harm are norm. my 13 yr old do have such symtons , when i asked her she replied it makes her feel better,

 

[Mentalmick]

fustration led to self harm are norm. my 13 yr old do have such symtons , when i asked her she replied it makes her feel better,

I may of asked you the other day I can't remember but who is that in your profile picture?

 

[signifying nothing]

My desire today is to skewer myself in some way. Not an impulse I've had before, so a little concerned. Does anyone else have any experience with this? Maybe there's better word for it than skewer, idk.

 

[929er]

tbh i had never cut myself until late last year. i got the impulse to try to find the artery that's supposed to be around the wrist area. so it started with tentative cuts to try to get used to it, to build up some sort of resistance to the pain. but recently i tend to do it when i feel extremely angry and helpless. since i know i can't simply successfully ctb whenever i feel like it, then i have to take the second best option (SH) to get a slight cathartic feeling.

 

[Mentalmick]

My desire today is to skewer myself in some way. Not an impulse I've had before, so a little concerned. Does anyone else have any experience with this? Maybe there's better word for it than skewer, idk.

I think it's quite common. Most of the time I get the urge to cut but sometimes stab. And with cutting it's mostly deep cuts but sometimes 100 or so shallow cuts. You need to be careful with stabbing/skewering because you don't know what's happening inside.

 

[signifying nothing]

I think it's quite common. Most of the time I get the urge to cut but sometimes stab. And with cutting it's mostly deep cuts but sometimes 100 or so shallow cuts. You need to be careful with stabbing/skewering because you don't know what's happening inside.

Been doing some searches - looks like I'm into the realms of 'needle play' and piercing. More to have a think about...

Edit: Now looking at staple guns...

 

[FreeAngel]

I can understand you very well

Two months ago, I hurt myself and even had to go to the hospital to take care of myself

I'd love to do it again but I don't want to go back to the hospital

 

[ClairyFairy]

I know its a really taboo to talk about but idk how to describe the feeling, i used to never think i could be the type of person that would self harm and hurt themselves but lately its all i have to resort to. its just so hard to be alive rn and all i can do is hurt myself to remind myself that i deserve it and that im not living up to the potential i have and all i am is a burden to others. I know this is just all jumbled together but i dont really know how to word my thoughts ive just been going through an awful time I cant explain it but self harm and ctb is all that goes through my mind a majority of the time. I am sorry to anyone here i have let down

Honey I know exactly what you're saying. I haven't sh'd for about 6/8 weeks but those feelings have lessened to hurt myself because I am now thinking of how to ctb. You don't deserve the pain but I can't talk because I know that I deserve the pain. I have used it to cope for more than 3/4 of my life and when that fails attempting to ctb for half. I hope you're ok x

 

[Lost.]

VENT: i did cut which is not deep. it has made me feel bad because i have got more urgers to do deep cut. this is so frustrating!!!
it has made me feel good because i feel pain with some arm movements and it is distraction from my numbness.

QUESTION: Have you found that blade #15 is easier to control and generally better for cut than blade #11?

 

[Lost.]

QUESTION correction: Have you found that blade #15 is easier to control and generally better for cut than blade #10?

 

[Mentalmick]

I use #15 blades. They are easier to control but cut easier as well so you've got to be careful. I also use #11 for shallow cuts.

 

[Lost.]

i have never tried 11. i had 15, currently i have 10, 15 seems better. 10 are harder to control. have you tried 10?

 

[Mentalmick]

i have never tried 11. i had 15, currently i have 10, 15 seems better. 10 are harder to control. have you tried 10?

Can't remember to be honest, there's been so many over the years.

 

[ClairyFairy]

What are those numbers? In the uk you buy 2mm

Staples are the worst, they don't hurt when you're doing it but f me trying to get them back out is the worst.

 

[Mentalmick]

What are those numbers? In the uk you buy 2mm

Staples are the worst, they don't hurt when you're doing it but f me trying to get them back out is the worst.

It's the number type of the blade. Staples, yeah, they sting like a bugger coming out, especially if you're not using a removal tool.

 

[ClairyFairy]

It's the number type of the blade. Staples, yeah, they sting like a bugger coming out, especially if you're not using a removal tool.

I just had to get them out I was working on a till

 

[Lost.]

I would like to selfharm by staples but i am afraid of bacteria

 

[Soulless Angel]

I have a thread here, where we talk about self harm, (not read this full thread yet)

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/self-harm-thread.57547/

 

[Lost.]

I will continue there...
That thread maybe should be pinned