Seing people having it good

[venin]

Seing people having it good makes me wanna gouge my eyes out. It's not that I wish them harm or something, far from that. I just want a normal life. One that you can live, not just survive. A life that isn't all about meds and therapy and motivating yourself to take a shower and grabbing something to eat. A life in which your brain isn't your worst enemy, where your parents don't destroy your mental health, future, and relationships. A life in which you can build yourself, your career, in which you make choices, real choices, not the minimal ones we get to make when we're in these kinds of situations.

And I'm like staring at the sky and asking: why? Why me? What the fuck did I do to deserve this? What the fuck did they do to earn that? What the fuck is this? Fuck you.

It's killing me man… I could've lived so beautiful. I could've done so many wonderful things.

But I'm here, oscilating between torture and death.

FML.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be painful dealing with those feelings of envy, existence really is too cruel, I just think that there is no deeper reason as to why some people suffer more than others as chance determines everything in this existence, this world is filled with so much undeserved suffering and it's terrifying how there's no limit as to how much one can suffer.

 

[venin]

It must be painful dealing with those feelings of envy, existence really is too cruel, I just think that there is no deeper reason as to why some people suffer more than others as chance determines everything in this existence, this world is filled with so much undeserved suffering and it's terrifying how there's no limit as to how much one can suffer.

Facts. It's really just chance, sadly

 

[totalselfhatred]

I was like that some years ago. Now I don't care at all. Seeing people happy or fullfilled with their lives has no effect on me.

 

[venin]

I was like that some years ago. Now I don't care at all. Seeing people happy or fullfilled with their lives has no effect on me.

That's good. It's one of the worst aspects for me right now…

 

[HappyForever?]

I feel exactly the same. It feels that I'm living in hell, and experiencing all the bad things while being forced to see others enjoy what you can never have is my punishment. It's not fair, life is never fair, at least for the cursed individuals like you and me.

 

[venin]

I feel exactly the same. It feels that I'm living in hell, and experiencing all the bad things while being forced to see others enjoy what you can never have is my punishment. It's not fair, life is never fair, at least for the cursed individuals like you and me.

Yeap… it's like having everything in eye-sight but never being able to reach it.

If this ain't hell, idk what is.

 

[F&Inside]

Hi.
Being able to see happy and supportive families makes me feel relieved and makes me smile.

 

[venin]

Hi.
Being able to see happy and supportive families makes me feel relieved and makes me smile.

That's great. I also feel like that sometimes. But mostly not. I mean I'm happy for them, but it's tearing my heart apart since I also yearn those for those things.

 

[DeadManLiving]

I purposely go on Facebook to make my mental health more toxic and inch me further off the cliff at some point. I nice Snoop around all of my friends posts on their engagements, beautiful wives happy lives ... Just to add fuel to the fire short circuit me .... All of those wonderful things that I'll never have or experience,

That peace of having a loving partner or authentic human connection, someone you can come home to and cuddle with, extinguishing whatever problems or worries outside that bubble as the world implodes to insignificance in that moment of intense continued intimacy.


I have a stack of daily note cards I read in the morning and every time I can just to brainwash myself further into pulling the plug, as a constant stinging reminder the things I'll never have or experience, but only thirst for insatiably and why jumping off this hamster wheel is necessary.

 

[venin]

I purposely go on Facebook to make my mental health more toxic and inch me further off the cliff at some point. I nice Snoop around all of my friends posts on their engagements, beautiful wives happy lives ... Just to add fuel to the fire short circuit me .... All of those wonderful things that I'll never have or experience,

That peace of having a loving partner or authentic human connection, someone you can come home to and cuddle with, extinguishing whatever problems or worries outside that bubble as the world implodes to insignificance in that moment of intense continued intimacy.


I have a stack of daily note cards I read in the morning and every time I can just to brainwash myself further into pulling the plug, as a constant stinging reminder the things I'll never have or experience, but only thirst for insatiably and why jumping off this hamster wheel is necessary.

I use to do this a couple of years ago. Now I simply can't and won't anymore. I'd rather slit my throat. Fr

What do you write on those cards?

 

[totalselfhatred]

That's good. It's one of the worst aspects for me right now…

Are you often on social medias? One thing that helped me detach from comparison was cutting completely off ig/tiktok/facebook. Irl I see many dysfunctional families, homeless people, mentally ill people so I know that not everyone lives a blissful life.

 

[venin]

Are you often on social medias? One thing that helped me detach from comparison was cutting completely off ig/tiktok/facebook. Irl I see many dysfunctional families, homeless people, mentally ill people so I know that not everyone lives a blissful life.

I don't anymore. But my brain is so fucked up right now that even if it would see a homeless person or something, it would still find a reason to torment me.

It's insanity. That's what I think depression is: sadness insanity.

Ty for the advice, nonetheless

 

[Meteora]

I understand, 100%.
Cant offer you answers or a solution.
Just my compassion and understanding.

 

[Hotsackage]

i relate, im happy people are living well, getting married, kids etc. but when they start giving me life advice, without having walked the walk. then they can piss off.

 

[venin]

I understand, 100%.
Cant offer you answers or a solution.
Just my compassion and understanding.

Ty means a lot

i relate, im happy people are living well, getting married, kids etc. but when they start giving me life advice, without having walked the walk. then they can piss off.

Yup, that's annoying. I get a lot of "we've all been through dissapointments or felt sad or bla bla" and I'm like you don't know what you're talking about. Your nightmares are a delight compared to what I'm currently living.