s1llyg1rl
⟡
- Jul 4, 2024
- 8
i have an appt w my dr later today and i have no idea what im gonna tell her. yesterday i had a talk to myself and perfectly articulated exactly how im feeling, but whenever it comes to the real deal i freeze up and nothing comes out.
ive been struggling with an ed and more recently sh too. for some reason i don't wanna tell my dr. the ed part is getting more and more obvious and she'll probably figure it out on her own, baggy clothes can only get me so far; but the sh.. idk what to do about it. i genuinely couldn't sleep last night without cutting. i originally started cutting to replace killing myself, but now i depend on it to even function. its weird how that works, but it works.
i never feel like im really myself. i feel like a mecha that needs a pilot and the pilot is always changing. sometimes there IS no pilot, and i'm left feeling completely hollow and genuinely unable to do anything. it's a weird feeling.
i wish i could be good and stay good, but i also wish i could be gone. i don't want to worry my mum or anyone anymore. i dont want to have to worry about myself anymore. it's exhausting.
ive been struggling with an ed and more recently sh too. for some reason i don't wanna tell my dr. the ed part is getting more and more obvious and she'll probably figure it out on her own, baggy clothes can only get me so far; but the sh.. idk what to do about it. i genuinely couldn't sleep last night without cutting. i originally started cutting to replace killing myself, but now i depend on it to even function. its weird how that works, but it works.
i never feel like im really myself. i feel like a mecha that needs a pilot and the pilot is always changing. sometimes there IS no pilot, and i'm left feeling completely hollow and genuinely unable to do anything. it's a weird feeling.
i wish i could be good and stay good, but i also wish i could be gone. i don't want to worry my mum or anyone anymore. i dont want to have to worry about myself anymore. it's exhausting.
