MiMif
I do not live for others to understand me...
- Sep 13, 2023
- 588
I hate being alive truly I do. Now I've finally got a date but now I'm questioning if this is really the right thing to do. I know for a fact it is and I have nothing to live for and I'm bringing pain to the people around me.
Still I keep second guessing...I've done this with past attempts so many times but I need to do it this time. I watched YouTube all day to get my mind off of it but I need to do this. I hate survival instinct...as a sort of practice for my jumping attempt I climbed a tall tree and jumped down just to help prepare for the fear. I didn't really get hurt just a few scrapes but I still fear when I get up there (which is much taller then the tree) I'll back out and I really can't. I've attempted and planned so many times before to ctb and always failed. Everytime I failed I felt a part of me break and I felt even more useless and hopeless. I want to die man but when I imagine myself falling I feel a pit in my stomache that I cant get rid of. I hate this so much.
I don't get along with other people, I bring the mood down when I'm with others, I make goals but never accomplish them, I'm a living waste of space and do absolutely nothing of worth, my parents waste money on my education even though I'll never amount to anything. There is zero good things about me living...the only things I have to look forward to actually have nothing to do with me and are just anime and kpop. I have no life, no real friends and no one who cares about me. So why can't I just die and not think about it. I've tried like 15x before now and I really can't do this anymore. I need to do this.
Does anybody here know the best way to jump to ensure no failure? I think I'ma get drunk before I do it. I still feel a little bit of guilt towards my family but I'm going to write a note before I go to get rid of my guilt.
Also don't worry about this site getting blamed I'm planning on removing every trace of this site from all my devices so no one can pin it to this.
I know the risk of jumping but it's the method I favor the most...you only live once and I want to go out in a way I favor without having to worry about the legalities for once. If it fails and I end up in the hospital I'll do partial hanging the first chance I get..but this is the method I want.
Still I keep second guessing...I've done this with past attempts so many times but I need to do it this time. I watched YouTube all day to get my mind off of it but I need to do this. I hate survival instinct...as a sort of practice for my jumping attempt I climbed a tall tree and jumped down just to help prepare for the fear. I didn't really get hurt just a few scrapes but I still fear when I get up there (which is much taller then the tree) I'll back out and I really can't. I've attempted and planned so many times before to ctb and always failed. Everytime I failed I felt a part of me break and I felt even more useless and hopeless. I want to die man but when I imagine myself falling I feel a pit in my stomache that I cant get rid of. I hate this so much.
I don't get along with other people, I bring the mood down when I'm with others, I make goals but never accomplish them, I'm a living waste of space and do absolutely nothing of worth, my parents waste money on my education even though I'll never amount to anything. There is zero good things about me living...the only things I have to look forward to actually have nothing to do with me and are just anime and kpop. I have no life, no real friends and no one who cares about me. So why can't I just die and not think about it. I've tried like 15x before now and I really can't do this anymore. I need to do this.
Does anybody here know the best way to jump to ensure no failure? I think I'ma get drunk before I do it. I still feel a little bit of guilt towards my family but I'm going to write a note before I go to get rid of my guilt.
Also don't worry about this site getting blamed I'm planning on removing every trace of this site from all my devices so no one can pin it to this.
I know the risk of jumping but it's the method I favor the most...you only live once and I want to go out in a way I favor without having to worry about the legalities for once. If it fails and I end up in the hospital I'll do partial hanging the first chance I get..but this is the method I want.
