I havent been on here much. I have a bathtub full of water for the shallow water drowning I'll be doing. I tried it multiple times by just sleeping in the tub, but you need to hyperventilate beforehand. My memories of it were foggy because I had remembered it out of desperation from back when I was 8 and first learned about it. My parents lectured me until I screamed at them and then my dad slapped me. Then they spent half an hour talking about how lame American families are and how I'm lame and disrespectful like an American kid. Now my mom's trying to find scholarships for me so she can pull her guilty well meaning act because I told her I wanted to move out. She didn't say anything to my dad when he hit me until my little sister started crying. My dad is a lost cause. He is an abusive asshole that only really cares about my mom and being right. They lecture me until I scream at them and then punish me for it. I have a girlfriend and they don't know. I haven't told them because they're homophobic and would treat me like a child that doesnt know anything about attraction and lecture the gay away. I really like her and I'm sorry to her that I never told her about my mental health. She is amazing and I wish the best for her and her health. She told me (jokingly) that her stomach issues would start up whenever she was talking to me. I think that's how I am to most people. I bring out the worst in them. Her worst is a stomachache because she's so good. I don't think my friends would mind me being gone. I'm not a super big presence in anyone's life. My dad just knocked on the door and told me to come out lol not happening ever twin 
. I'm kind of sad I'm going. not mu h time left for me to drown, my parents might figure it out. bye
. I'm kind of sad I'm going. not mu h time left for me to drown, my parents might figure it out. bye
