suffocatingseraphim
⸙𖦹killing the self as to protect it from harm𖦹⸙
- Feb 6, 2020
- 105
This is a bit of a very long story short, but I've been struggling lately to reconcile with my grief and the final days before his death.
I had a friend, of 11 years, ctb in early morning/late night of July 14th. He was my best friend up to last year until we had a falling out that ended our relationship drastically. We were living together but it all collapsed.
In 2020 we were rooming together when I was homeless, and I was frequently on SaSu, though tried to see if I could keep it from him since I knew his lengthy history with suicide.
I believe it's a human right to do what you will with your autonomy, I loved him, and wanted him to be stable in his headspace at the time. So I tried not to show him due to his mental state having gradually improved.
He found it eventually and discovered SN, we talked about it, he created an account and I'm assuming frequently posted.
Flash forward to July last year, he had purchased SN successfully and showed it to me. We had a long talk about safety plans, harm prevention and otherwise, but i couldn't take it from him. It was his right, and I knew he would cause himself more harm if I did. I was torn.
Now this year. He was found dead on the 15th, passed between Thursday-Friday after 11:30 pm Thursday night. He was found in a choking position, there was vomit at the scene, and it was ruled as an accident.
However I brought up the forum and SN to one of our old friends, and he asked if it was a white powder, which i confirmed. He said there was loads of white powder, a scale, a spoon, etc at the scene. I doubt he would have tossed the SN after all he did to get it
He meant the world to me when we were close, we betrayed and scarred each other in our final months together and that regret will never leave me. But I'm just trying to find remnants of him, we grew up together, my family considered him their own
If anyone knows of him, please reach out to me.
He went by Fisher, Sam, or Mae. His handles were usually honeyghosting or honeyghost, got2gofast, or anything to do with strawberries, bunnies, ghosts, tech, or some spiritual stuff.
He was 24 in the USA (I wont disclose location unless dm'd with more details if someone knew him) and he was an incredibly kind, compassionate, intelligent person
His icons or handles were usually of sci-fi cyberpunk looking stuff, bee and puppycat, or cat/rabbit anthros, though it really could have been anything. I know nothing about his account but would deeply appreciate any help as I've scoured a long time on SaSu now for him.
Thank you, if you read this far
I had a friend, of 11 years, ctb in early morning/late night of July 14th. He was my best friend up to last year until we had a falling out that ended our relationship drastically. We were living together but it all collapsed.
In 2020 we were rooming together when I was homeless, and I was frequently on SaSu, though tried to see if I could keep it from him since I knew his lengthy history with suicide.
I believe it's a human right to do what you will with your autonomy, I loved him, and wanted him to be stable in his headspace at the time. So I tried not to show him due to his mental state having gradually improved.
He found it eventually and discovered SN, we talked about it, he created an account and I'm assuming frequently posted.
Flash forward to July last year, he had purchased SN successfully and showed it to me. We had a long talk about safety plans, harm prevention and otherwise, but i couldn't take it from him. It was his right, and I knew he would cause himself more harm if I did. I was torn.
Now this year. He was found dead on the 15th, passed between Thursday-Friday after 11:30 pm Thursday night. He was found in a choking position, there was vomit at the scene, and it was ruled as an accident.
However I brought up the forum and SN to one of our old friends, and he asked if it was a white powder, which i confirmed. He said there was loads of white powder, a scale, a spoon, etc at the scene. I doubt he would have tossed the SN after all he did to get it
He meant the world to me when we were close, we betrayed and scarred each other in our final months together and that regret will never leave me. But I'm just trying to find remnants of him, we grew up together, my family considered him their own
If anyone knows of him, please reach out to me.
He went by Fisher, Sam, or Mae. His handles were usually honeyghosting or honeyghost, got2gofast, or anything to do with strawberries, bunnies, ghosts, tech, or some spiritual stuff.
He was 24 in the USA (I wont disclose location unless dm'd with more details if someone knew him) and he was an incredibly kind, compassionate, intelligent person
His icons or handles were usually of sci-fi cyberpunk looking stuff, bee and puppycat, or cat/rabbit anthros, though it really could have been anything. I know nothing about his account but would deeply appreciate any help as I've scoured a long time on SaSu now for him.
Thank you, if you read this far
