Screening for therapists educated on narc abuse?

[Water-Lily]

My last therapist session left me perplexed

I was talking to my therapist about how I feel my dad intentionally gaslights me. In that he will say something fucked up but then act like her didn't say it or apologize and want to move forward quickly. Even himself saying he has "bad memory"

My therapist agrees shockingly. She admits what my father does is wrong but doesnt believe he is intentionally trying to be a narc.

Even if its not intentional, a part of me feels it is

I don't know how to best have a conversation with my therapist about this, and I've considered looking into therapists with a background in narc abuse

However I don't now how to even screen or look for that

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Watching this thread. Would be interested too. I'm currently too scared of asking for a therapy referral given past bad experiences.

I'm sorry your therapist underplayed your father's behaviour. Narcs are the people who can get away with the worst possible behaviour and it still be explained away by they are somehow a good person or having good intentions. It happens all the time even with the most reprehensible behaviour. So I feel for what you're going through.

It's unfair, imo.

 

[lightnings]

Unfortunately a psychologist without a screening first is unleashed with their patients and could not agree or validate your feelings of you father treating you narcisisstically.
I suggest you to find a group of psychologists expert in the field of narcissistic abuse.

 

[Water-Lily]

Unfortunately a psychologist without a screening first is unleashed with their patients and could not agree or validate your feelings of you father treating you narcisisstically.
I suggest you to find a group of psychologists expert in the field of narcissistic abuse.

I see. how would I go about doing that?

Watching this thread. Would be interested too. I'm currently too scared of asking for a therapy referral given past bad experiences.

I'm sorry your therapist underplayed your father's behaviour. Narcs are the people who can get away with the worst possible behaviour and it still be explained away by they are somehow a good person or having good intentions. It happens all the time even with the most reprehensible behaviour. So I feel for what you're going through.

It's unfair, imo.

do you currently have a therapist? And yeah, I dont know. I'll probably discuss with her next week about how I feel about what she said. I just now feel lost and misunderstood

Thing is though, if she said "yes I validate your feelings that your father is a covert narcissist/is abusing you with manipulation" I would probably have started freaking out. and I think she knows that I would

 

[lightnings]

I see. how would I go about doing that?

It depends on where you live, you could try searching via social networks groups of therapists interested in this matter or specific topic. At this point you should consider online therapy I think though.
Otherwise I don't know if in your country exist associations of therapists that focus on trauma.

 

[Water-Lily]

It depends on where you live, you could try searching via social networks groups of therapists interested in this matter or specific topic. At this point you should consider online therapy I think though.
Otherwise I don't know if in your country exist associations of therapists that focus on trauma.

I see. I might being it up to my therapist

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I see. how would I go about doing that?

do you currently have a therapist? And yeah, I dont know. I'll probably discuss with her next week about how I feel about what she said. I just now feel lost and misunderstood

Thing is though, if she said "yes I validate your feelings that your father is a covert narcissist/is abusing you with manipulation" I would probably have started freaking out. and I think she knows that I would

Not at the moment or foreseeable future. The last one was some time ago and they werea abusive.

 

[Water-Lily]

Not at the moment or foreseeable future. The last one was some time ago and they werea abusive.

I am so sorry. Thats the thing that pisses me off with the whole mental health industry. In fields where it requires for clients to be emotionally vulnerable about shit, the worst thing you can do is harm. But many do. Maybe not everyone does it intentionally (like my therapist) but there are those who are narcissists themselves and abuse

Anyways, I do believe my dad is a covert narc and its hard to grapple with

 

[lightnings]

I am so sorry. Thats the thing that pisses me off with the whole mental health industry. In fields where it requires for clients to be emotionally vulnerable about shit, the worst thing you can do is harm. But many do. Maybe not everyone does it intentionally (like my therapist) but there are those who are narcissists themselves and abuse

Anyways, I do believe my dad is a covert narc and its hard to grapple with

It happened to me too with a past therapist, the more I was in contact with her, the more I was getting suicidal and got into this forum.
After changing several times I have found a stable relationship with my therapist although I don't know how much I will still stay here. My situation is not changed anyway.

 

[Water-Lily]

It happened to me too with a past therapist, the more I was in contact with her, the more I was getting suicidal and got into this forum.
After changing several times I have found a stable relationship with my therapist although I don't know how much I will still stay here. My situation is not changed anyway.

what is your situation if you don't mind me asking?

 

[lightnings]

what is your situation if you don't mind me asking?

I am followed by my therapist that this time validates my emotions and helps me cope every week with my pain, but as it has been said being stuck in a toxic situation without a job is like repeating the cycle of therapy every week. Meds also help with the coping mechanism but they do not change your real situation for obvious reasons.
In the past I tried already to escape but I ended back here stuck with my toxic family.

 

[Water-Lily]

I am followed by my therapist that this time validates my emotions and helps me cope every week with my pain, but as it has been said being stuck in a toxic situation without a job is like repeating the cycle of therapy every week. Meds also help with the coping mechanism but they do not change your real situation for obvious reasons.
In the past I tried already to escape but I ended back here stuck with my toxic family.

I can relate. I'm stuck with toxic family too and a covert narc who's nice to me but I'm always afraid to accept his niceness

 

[lightnings]

You have value, this is for sure, in case no one ever told you.

 

[Water-Lily]

You have value, this is for sure, in case no one ever told you.

That's where we'll personally disagree

 

[lightnings]

That's where we'll personally disagree

Personally I believe that every human has inerent value, only pathologic narcissists make you believe that you are worth nothing to manipulate. This is aside the feeling that I have right now of hopelessness and uselessness that makes me think to rather ctb than attempt again to survive.
It's just a statement coming up from therapy.

 

[wait.what]

You might do better in a peer-led support group for people with emotionally abusive parents. There's probably some that meet virtually if there aren't any that meet in person near you. Maybe someone could give you leads for good therapists.

I was also reading "narc" as "narcotics officer," aka, a snitch. God I'm old …

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Personally I believe that every human has inerent value, only pathologic narcissists make you believe that you are worth nothing to manipulate. This is aside the feeling that I have right now of hopelessness and uselessness that makes me think to rather ctb than attempt again to survive.
It's just a statement coming up from therapy.

I believe this too, but it can be really ingrained in some people, by other people. I don't think telling someone who currently believes they have no value, or that they are unloveable, etc, the opposite has much of a positive effect. Sometimes people still can feel it and believe it even when they know it's not true. I've been in the same situation, when others put me down too much or too many times. So I think I can understand both sides even if its hard currently being on one or the other side.

I think all anyone can do is try to treat everyone as if they do and are. From the perspective of anyone on the internet, certainly everyone else is a stranger and can't possibly know us for real, in any case. So it's fair. Nothing really helps when feeling that way, I know because I've been there. It's like having a shell around your feelings, it's hard for anything good to get in. It takes time for the shell to come away on its own.

Even now, I still often feel like I have no value and unloveable, that there's some truth to that. I don't want to talk about that personally, though. I don't feel like I even deserve sympathy for that. Just treat everyone like a human being that matters anyway, is my thinking.

 

[lightnings]

I believe this too, but it can be really ingrained in some people, by other people. I don't think telling someone who currently believes they have no value, or that they are unloveable, etc, the opposite has much of a positive effect. Sometimes people still can feel it and believe it even when they know it's not true. I've been in the same situation, when others put me down too much or too many times. So I think I can understand both sides even if its hard currently being on one or the other side.

I think all anyone can do is try to treat everyone as if they do and are. From the perspective of anyone on the internet, certainly everyone else is a stranger and can't possibly know us for real, in any case. So it's fair. Nothing really helps when feeling that way, I know because I've been there. It's like having a shell around your feelings, it's hard for anything good to get in. It takes time for the shell to come away on its own.

Even now, I still often feel like I have no value and unloveable, that there's some truth to that. I don't want to talk about that personally, though. I don't feel like I even deserve sympathy for that. Just treat everyone like a human being that matters anyway, is my thinking.

Yes I think the same sorry for the op, I have written that phrase too much direct and thinking further it could not help by the way.