Venting Screaming

[Rue89]

I feel like screaming right now. I keep going back and forth between high anxiety and emotional exhaustion. I just want to get my ctb over with. I've been visiting the new ctb place I found everyday. I plan to go again tomorrow morning, this time doing a whole practice run; get up at 3:30am, leave the house sometime 4-4:15 and head to the park, sit at the picnic table that I'll be mixing the SN at for a while, then go to my spot back behind the park. I had this idea this morning. Now I'm considering taking the ibuprofen and domperidone like I would on ctb day, bring my SN and stuff with me, and see what happens. I know I probably won't ctb tomorrow, but I'm really want to right now. There's still a part of me that feels like I haven't prepared enough, I haven't practiced going through the motions enough. Maybe if I'd done that before the first time I went to try at the park I would've been able to go through with it. I really don't know how necessary it is, if it is at all, to go through these practice runs, or how many times I should do it.

Everything in my family's and my life seems to be going wrong right now. A lot of the things affecting just me personally would probably seem pretty insignificant to everyone else, and I know deep down that they are, but you guys know all too well how my anxiety makes me overreact about everything. I am trying, but I really can't stop it. All of it is just tearing me apart and I feel like I'm going crazy.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I really don't know how necessary it is, if it is at all, to go through these practice runs, or how many times I should do it.

I'd say this is the case where being on the safe side (so to say) and doing everything to assure your plan goes smoothly is very reasonable. After all, it's not like there's some kind of a deadline, and you really don't want to mess it up, so why not take time until you feel more confident about your plan?

Do you want to share what is making you feel like screaming now? Anxiety can be tough.

Are you on any medication for your anxiety? Or maybe you use some alternative treatments?

 

[Rue89]

I'd say this is the case where being on the safe side (so to say) and doing everything to assure your plan goes smoothly is very reasonable. After all, it's not like there's some kind of a deadline, and you really don't want to mess it up, so why not take time until you feel more confident about your plan?

Do you want to share what is making you feel like screaming now? Anxiety can be tough.

Are you on any medication for your anxiety? Or maybe you use some alternative treatments?

My mom is all stressed out about buying a new car and that's rubbing off on me, then she found out that the business she works for is doing a bunch of cuts and two of her managers were let go. Now she's worried about a pay cut, and I overheard her talking on the phone about how she's worried that she might also be let go because her supervisor doesn't like her. Then I also keep messing up everything I'm doing lately; this is the less significant stuff I mentioned. For example my mom went outside while her egg bake was in the oven, then the timer sounded and my brother turned it off, and while I heard it I guess it didn't really register in my brain, and it burned and my mom blamed me for it. She's right, I should've been more aware and taken care of it. That's not the only stupid thing I've done recently. I'm messing up everything and my anxiety is making everything worse. It's making the tiniest things into big things.

Yes I'm on a medication, escitalopram. I've been on it for 7 months and it hasn't helped at all. I tried therapy years ago and it actually made my anxiety worse.

 

[GravityUtilizer]

Leave your family home dude. Move the hell on from all this

 

[GrumpyFrog]

My mom is all stressed out about buying a new car and that's rubbing off on me

It's tough when you're anxious yourself and surrounded by other people that are also anxious or stressed. I think it would be nice for you to have some distance from your mom for a while. I do understand that moving out might not be easy at the moment, though.

I tried therapy years ago and it actually made my anxiety worse.

Oh, that sucks, I'm sorry. I can relate, I had therapy for my anxiety, my therapist pushed me to "confront my fears" by exposure and long story short it made it a lot worse and then I just stopped coming to therapy. Now that there is a truckload of resources on the Internet, I understand that there were many other methods they never even suggested, and I actually had more luck helping myself with help of dr. Google and a primitive AI phone app. Not all therapists are all they are hyped up to be...
Would you mind sharing what exactly you've tried in therapy? Did you try CBT, mindfulness, or something else with your therapist?

Yes I'm on a medication, escitalopram. I've been on it for 7 months and it hasn't helped at all.

Sorry about that. As far as I know, escitalopram is good for depression, but not that impressive with anxiety. But oh well, you get what your doctor gives you...

 

[Captive of Mind]

I feel like screaming right now. I keep going back and forth between high anxiety and emotional exhaustion. I just want to get my ctb over with. I've been visiting the new ctb place I found everyday. I plan to go again tomorrow morning, this time doing a whole practice run; get up at 3:30am, leave the house sometime 4-4:15 and head to the park, sit at the picnic table that I'll be mixing the SN at for a while, then go to my spot back behind the park. I had this idea this morning. Now I'm considering taking the ibuprofen and domperidone like I would on ctb day, bring my SN and stuff with me, and see what happens. I know I probably won't ctb tomorrow, but I'm really want to right now. There's still a part of me that feels like I haven't prepared enough, I haven't practiced going through the motions enough. Maybe if I'd done that before the first time I went to try at the park I would've been able to go through with it. I really don't know how necessary it is, if it is at all, to go through these practice runs, or how many times I should do it.

Everything in my family's and my life seems to be going wrong right now. A lot of the things affecting just me personally would probably seem pretty insignificant to everyone else, and I know deep down that they are, but you guys know all too well how my anxiety makes me overreact about everything. I am trying, but I really can't stop it. All of it is just tearing me apart and I feel like I'm going crazy.

It is oddly comforting to read this. You explained it so well. The same thing happens to me and I feel like an absolute crazy person. When I realize I'm actually full blown insane, I feel like my heads about to explode and my inner dialogue keeps repeating, "Get me out of here". Sometimes I say it out loud if no one's around.

 

[Rue89]

It's tough when you're anxious yourself and surrounded by other people that are also anxious or stressed. I think it would be nice for you to have some distance from your mom for a while. I do understand that moving out might not be easy at the moment, though.


Oh, that sucks, I'm sorry. I can relate, I had therapy for my anxiety, my therapist pushed me to "confront my fears" by exposure and long story short it made it a lot worse and then I just stopped coming to therapy. Now that there is a truckload of resources on the Internet, I understand that there were many other methods they never even suggested, and I actually had more luck helping myself with help of dr. Google and a primitive AI phone app. Not all therapists are all they are hyped up to be...
Would you mind sharing what exactly you've tried in therapy? Did you try CBT, mindfulness, or something else with your therapist?


Sorry about that. As far as I know, escitalopram is good for depression, but not that impressive with anxiety. But oh well, you get what your doctor gives you...

Yeah there's no way I can move out right now. I can't work because of my anxiety so I can't support myself. The first therapy I tried was at a mental hospital and it was all group stuff. This was almost 10 years ago so I don't remember all the stuff we did, but I just remember being really anxious about it all the entire time. Then I've seen a few different therapists and I tried CBT and mindfulness, and they suggested a bunch of different coping skills that don't work. Again my anxiety was so bad every time I entered their office. That's when I started getting light-headed from my anxiety and even now, years after therapy, it still happens especially in social situations. I also tried equine therapy. That didn't help at all either, but that was the only form of therapy that didn't give me more anxiety.
I know escitalopram is more for depression. I looked it up after I was prescribed it, and I'm not surprised it isn't doing anything. The other medications my neurologist said we'd try if this didn't work are all SSRI's too. I forget the names now but I looked them up right after my appointment too. I'm sure they'll do nothing for my anxiety either, which is why I haven't contacted my neurologist. I'd probably be too anxious to question her choices anyway.