School/Work or lack of work and ctb

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I am curious as to how many of you also feel pressured to ctb by the demands of school, work, or looking for work with no success? I imagine this issue is even more prevalent at the moment due to covid.


While chronic illnesses and pain are a large component of my desire to die, I think I could handle things and cope much better if I was not forced into work and school in addition to the hefty demands of society that are near impossible for a disabled person.

Recently I was told I need to start looking for part time work while university is still online. It is nearly impossible to find a job that does not require a laundry list of qualifications, which are often not even slightly realistic or humanly possible- i.e 5 years of experience with a software that's only existed for 3 years.


There are pretty much 0 part time jobs currently that don't involve physical labor and standing all day, so I am constantly wanting to tear my hair out cause I physically cannot do those jobs again. Ever since I realized so many jobs are complete and utter bullshittery, spawned only to keep the current model of the economy afloat, I became so disillusioned with all the ideas I'd been taught growing up about how hard work pays off and all you need is motivation and drive to succeed. Clearly, that isn't true in today's world. You just have to know the right people and know how to put buzzwords on a CV.


I used to love learning and was a very curious person, safe to say that university has squashed that quality right out of me like an unassuming bug on a windshield. Science used to be my passion until I realized how corrupt both the academic and private sectors are. Rigidity without creativity makes a very dull life. People care more about garnering perfect results than actually learning something.


My program is very rigorous, and lots of staff members seem to think that because we are doing a hard STEM degree, this fact allows them the leeway to act like utter twats. One of them frequently insults his students. Others berate you for not being able to answer hyperspecific questions on command during a class meeting. Most of my course mates/fellow students are wealthy, privledged individuals who come from the upper echelons of society, and those who come from lower class, not privately educated backgrounds like myself are essentially outcasts.

I've had people make fun of me for asking questions and I can tell they don't like me because I am an autistic freak. Lots of people at my university act like they are activists and warriors of justice, posting tons of mental health awareness virtue signalling PSAs, yet mock and bully people for not having the same political views- some of these vapid people have even told others they hope they have a heart attack or get diabetes for not being vegans, and this is totally accepted because they add a smiley face at the end and say they are choosing kindness.

Thinking about having to go to university in person next year makes me sick. I hate it, and it's impossible for me to change degrees or drop out at this stage, as I have dropped out of a different degree before. The grading policies at my uni are so arbitrary, that I have to seriously question how other people don't get mad or complain about this. Last year the marker gave the majority of the class a failing grade or a low C on a poster assignment worth around 40% of the module mark because they weren't "aesthetically pleasing enough" or someone didn't put the place of publication of a text they used as reference. Seriously?

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if other people acknowledged this, but it seems like the collective just puts up with this joke of a system and never say anything. People who do have degrees and jobs tell you it's your fault when you explain how messed up and miserable this hyper competitive, toxic system is. Because they got theirs, they think you aren't trying hard enough and working hard enough.


I'm trying very hard to stay in my degree but I hate it. It is near impossible when you are having health problems and being treated like shit all of the time. I feel like nothing more than another brick in the wall. What about you guys?

 

[Spiral]

I always love reading your posts, every time you hit the nail on the head. The system is drastically flawed and it's depressing. I was not able to afford university but I did have a job as a cocktail bartender for 16 years and I worked HARD and I studied and perfected techniques and knowledge until I became extremely skilled in my field of work but my hard work did not pay off, companies that own bars are forced to close their doors for good every time there is an economic problem, small businesses suffer the worst and because I live in a village on the furthest outskirts of London it is not so busy here. I loved my job, I sold my soul to my job, I gave up my friends and time with my family but it didn't help me in any way, I was made redundant 5 times due to closures and I'm only 33. Now the entire hospitality industry is closed down and people are telling me to get a job. Doing what? Retail is closed down too. It just seems so pointless.
I am really sorry university is not treating you well. Perhaps the option to continue your course online and not go back to campus May become available?
It really does feel like a trap doesn't it :( capitalism has gotten out of control and this ridiculous need for expensive qualifications to do jobs that only require a bit of on the job training is beyond insulting.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

I always love reading your posts, every time you hit the nail on the head.

I second this.

Lots of people at my university act like they are activists and warriors of justice, posting tons of mental health awareness virtue signalling PSAs, yet mock and bully people for not having the same political views- some of these vapid people have even told others they hope they have a heart attack or get diabetes for not being vegans, and this is totally accepted because they add a smiley face at the end and say they are choosing kindness.

People like this are the reason why I left Reddit. Reddit is a cesspit filled with empty rhetoric and self-righteous bigotry. Some time ago I was a member of r/antinatalism and I can say there're a number of militant vegans who think meat-eaters are monsters who contribute to the world's problems. They think fighting fire with fire is the most logical thing to do, that rubbing it in your face and guilt tripping you to change your diet is going to turning you to their cause. I once made a comment along the lines of "There's nothing wrong with eating meat, so long as you don't waste food." and I got downvoted to hell. Then I lost it and hit back.

Why even live if you find the human existence sinful? Don't want to indulge your taste buds? Simple. Cut your tongues off. Go ahead, kill yourselves 'for the benefit of all beings'. After all this is r/antinatalism. You know what kind of people are guaranteed not to breed? Dead people.

I've never stooped so low so I regret it a little. From then on I never got involved in pointless controversy and frivolous disputes.

What about you guys?

For me I've completed my degree quite some time ago. I did my degree in Perth, which had a laid back atmosphere that I was fond of. However, to quote Glen Cook, 'Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony'. I came down with inflammatory arthritis shortly after I graduated and have been unemployed ever since. Chronic pain has stripped me of my emotions. Barely anything has a wow factor nowadays and I'm hardly motivated to find work, so I've been helping out at home. I'm just thankful that we're financially stable enough for me not to be forced to the streets.

 

[262653]

I've had a dubious fortune to end up in a situation which allows me to maintain subsistence without having to work or even to interact with other people. I live mostly from moment to moment, mostly doing the things I like. I think I'm also prepared for emergencies like having to work and deal with people in order to survive.

Can hardly imagine people doing all these humdrum day-to-day activities without being clinically depressed. I would probably end up in jail or asylum. The ending of the words is fuckwork.

 

[ashedout]

You are such a great writer and I love reading your posts!

I definitely feel pressured or at the very least, more urged to ctb because of work. I know I'm lucky to have a work from home job in this pandemic and stuff but honestly the cost of it all is too much to handle. I feel like I can't quit though because how will I ever find a different job now with everything going on? My workplace goes on and on about how they care about us and the importance of a work life balance but they certainly don't practice what they preach. It's like as long as they say it, they don't actually have to do anything about it. It's just smoke and mirrors and lies.

My therapist has me tracking when/why I have the flood of suicidal urges and a fair bit links back to that hell hole and knowing that I can't leave it without creating an ever worse future for myself. I just don't think I am strong enough to do regular corporate games for the rest of my life - unless my life gets cut short which is the plan.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I second this.


People like this are the reason why I left Reddit. Reddit is a cesspit filled with empty rhetoric and self-righteous bigotry. Some time ago I was a member of r/antinatalism and I can say there're a number of militant vegans who think meat-eaters are monsters who contribute to the world's problems. They think fighting fire with fire is the most logical thing to do, that rubbing it in your face and guilt tripping you to change your diet is going to turning you to their cause. I once made a comment along the lines of "There's nothing wrong with eating meat, so long as you don't waste food." and I got downvoted to hell. Then I lost it and hit back.

I've never stooped so low so I regret it a little. From then on I never got involved in pointless controversy and frivolous disputes.


For me I've completed my degree quite some time ago. I did my degree in Perth, which had a laid back atmosphere that I was fond of. However, to quote Glen Cook, 'Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony'. I came down with inflammatory arthritis shortly after I graduated and have been unemployed ever since. Chronic pain has stripped me of my emotions. Barely anything has a wow factor nowadays and I'm hardly motivated to find work, so I've been helping out at home. I'm just thankful that we're financially stable enough for me not to be forced to the streets.

Chronic pain truly does steal away any semblance of life we have huh? I am glad you have some supportive people you live with who are able to keep you afloat. I can't get disability benefits, so I am in a similar situation of being reliant on others.

Employers want dependable people who can be consistent and show up to work on strict schedules. If you have chronic pain, sometimes the severity and level of agony during specific ocassions will be different than the day before or after-your misery may vary. That makes it really hard to get hired.

I know you are struggling so much, I too feel devoid of any emotions, except melancholy and fear. Life is even harder when you rely on the charity of others, who could drop you rather quickly if you do one thing wrong. The only reason I'm in university is because my boyfriend won't let me quit and thinks that I have some good days.. Dream on, dude.

Perth sounds like a really nice and chill place to be. I would like to visit someday.

I get exactly what you mean about the AN subreddit too, and this is coming from a staunch anti-natalist.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

The world has limited resources and unless this changes the rat race and hyper competitiveness isn't going away. As long as there are ever increasing numbers of heterosexuals who refuse to forego reproduction the situation gets worse as the pie shrinks

 

[262653]

The world has limited resources and unless this changes the rat race and hyper competitiveness isn't going away.

It sounds kind of unnatural to me. Why would those who able and willing to compete forego competition since there are other able and willing competitors who will gladly devour the pie leftovers. Unless some higher power appears and beats all the competitors, but then it becomes a monopoly with the whole pie at its disposal.

Higher power: Hmm... what should I do with this pie of mine? I wonder...

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

People who don't work/go to school are almost always looked down upon by "normal" people who haven't had any real hardship in their lives. Your reasons behind why you are unemployed are irrelevant to them; they'd rather just point the finger at you and call you lazy rather than to try to understand why. I'd like to see how far they get in life if they had to deal with any number of terrible circumstances.

I think it's a waste of time trying to communicate with privileged people as their vanity and ignorance makes them incapable of understanding your situation. I'm sure they think they got to where they are in life because they worked harder than everyone else which couldn't be further from the truth. I remember a year ago or so I saw a article of some woman my age who worked 3 jobs trying to make ends meet and she committed suicide because she couldn't deal with it anymore. It's the system that's flawed and it unfortunately won't adapt to the needs of the disadvantaged.

I've posted this one before a bunch of times but it's relevant to the topic if you haven't seen it:

"Living happily" itself is a myth. Nobody on this floating rock is consistently "happy" every single day unless there is something seriously neurologically wrong with them that makes them that way. Life itself is inherently suffering - this isn't some edgy edict, it's the fundamental nature of the human condition; we are animals, and moreso social animals, which, not unlike elephants, zebras, dolphins, cows, or donkeys, are biologically wired and adapted to chasing short-term fulfillment, and avoiding pain and suffering - to the degree we experience and remember negative feelings and experiences far, far deeper and longer than we do positive experiences. This is the telltale sign of our inescapable animal nature - the hardwiring that makes suffering so inherently unavoidable, and pleasure seemingly so elusive.

Boiling the phenomena of NEETdom down to "mental health" is a reductionistic fairy tale that completely ignores the context of modern life in favor of hyperindividualizing the consequences of that context down to the individual and leaving it there. Speaking of context - the factors you mention are not as much of an immunological force as you imagine. Our society is one rife with celebrity suicides, who so many see as the "winners" of our silly game - they have money, prestige, recognition, fulfillment, endless fancy toys and achievements - and yet still cannot escape the call to the void - which, if anything, speaks to the fact we spend our lives chasing things that really do not make our lives all that worthwhile in the end. Sure, it's nice to be clock in to your 9-5 every day and pat yourself on the back and tell yourself you're doing the right thing like everyone else, but this is the life of an obedient somnambulant - one we are conditioned for in this society. You know the script - go to school, work until you're old, save and scrimp the whole way through, retire, and go rot in an old folks home using the money you've hoarded your whole life. This might be a fulfilling life for an inanimate machine part that cannot feel and is not alive, but for a social animal that needs environmental enrichment and belonging and meaning to feel any kind of consistent fulfilment, it is a slow death.

This isn't to say NEETdom is some grand alternative - it is the final consequence of this meaningless life program - narcissized depression and almost total alienation, whereby one practically declares themselves dead to the outside world and escapes deeper and deeper inside themselves as a solace, until the crushing emptiness of isolation and loneliness destroys their ability to experience pleasure and often their will to live. This is typically because of the self-isolating shame that attaches itself to the status. As social animals, we need people in our lives to feel any degree of worthwhile. Interpersonal interaction injects our lives with a kind of meaning and fulfilment that all the technology, distractions and drugs cannot. Unemployment and NEETdom would not nearly be as bad if not for the immense social stigma, and if we could all expect to live in communities we felt a part of, or at the very least had friends who cared about us outside of our job title. Unfortunately, this is not the nature of our hyperindividualized, materialistic, and vain society whereby one increasingly derives their (narcissized) sense of self-worth and status from their ability to consume and brag about said consumption. Instead, we live in a time where over half of the population reports always feeling lonely and having few if any friends, 1/6 of us are on psychotropic drugs, and the suicide rate hasn't been this high in 30 years.

All the same - this doesn't make "successful" people failures. But it also doesn't make NEETs "failures", at least in any individual sense. The failure is society itself - in providing an insane sociocultural script that makes people incredibly sick; if I could call NEETdom anything, anything at all, I'd call it the canary in the coal mine for a society that is providing an age old lifescript that is no longer worthwhile, rewarding, or even meaningful in any sense - nor does it even guarantee the barest physical necessities for participation anymore; recall that wages have been stagnant for 40 years and we have wealth inequality levels that mimic those found prior to the Great Depression, what becomes all the more clear is that modern life is the new Great Depression. This is a dreadfully sick post-meaning society where mass shootings, panoptic surveillance, suicide, opiate abuse, loneliness, and alienation have become as commonplace as psychotropic drugs and psych diagnoses; which, if anything, says nothing more than that the very concept of "mental illness" is a desperate attempt by the system to hold on to it's collapsing validity by pointing at dissidents and shouting "they have some inherent biological illness that makes them this way!" As such, the realm of modern day psychology/psychiatry has become no more than another long arm of the corporatocratic, neoliberal police state, which has a part in allowing modern-day quality of life to continue it's decades long slow bleed to the sociopathic class - the wealthy and powerful.

We must think of NEETdom, depression, and a wide scope of psychological maladies as meaningful signals our bodies are sending us about the ways we conduct our lives nowadays, not as noise that is to be ignored and medicated away." -Stranger from the internet

 

[Amumu]

Yes I'm disgusted by studies as well. Because you know, I'd like people just to be a little bit passionate when they do stuff.
Competition should only be secondary, at least with your colleagues and relatives.

 

[Ardesevent]

I'm working towards a degree too, but I don't think I can stand it much longer. Every day is just the same, I get up around noon, I sit at my computer, I stare at the screen for a few hours, I eat, I go to sleep. There's no interaction with anyone else. No one texts or calls me anymore. There's nothing I can afford to do to break up the monotony. I would apply for a job, but I can barely go out without feeling like I'm dying. All I'm doing is living out in a loop to either eventually go spend 40 years repeating a different loop, or becoming a Neet and living out the exact same one for the rest of my life.

 

[Superdeterminist]

I hate how it's a struggle even to get a 'menial' job, having to rely on an employer's mercy. I really don't want to work a menial minimum wage job, but it looks like I may have to. I resent the slog of trying to achieve some grand long-term goal, but equally I can't accept settling with 'mediocrity', so it feels like lose-lose. Occasionally I might get excited about something, but then I delve more into it and realise it's just an ocean of information most of which is over my head and uninteresting to engage with, and the chances of me making any sort of mark in that area are close to zero. All in all it has felt like, for me at least, life is a whole lot of worrying, and not a lot of fun.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I hate how it's a struggle even to get a 'menial' job, having to rely on an employer's mercy. I really don't want to work a menial minimum wage job, but it looks like I may have to. I resent the slog of trying to achieve some grand long-term goal, but equally I can't accept settling with 'mediocrity', so it feels like lose-lose. Occasionally I might get excited about something, but then I delve more into it and realise it's just an ocean of information most of which is over my head and uninteresting to engage with, and the chances of me making any sort of mark in that area are close to zero. All in all it has felt like, for me at least, life is a whole lot of worrying, and not a lot of fun.

Oh yes I know how you feel completely. If life was sliced up like a pie, I'd say I got 10% good tasting, fun pie, and 90% shit pie.

Don't beat yourself up about trying to be the best. Many of the standards people hold others to nowadays are totally ridiculous, if you refer back to my example of employers wanting experience that just isn't humanly possible due to the time frame and stuff like that. I hope that you are able to get out of minimum wage work soon though, because it can be quite stressful from my experience.

Recently I applied to a part time job, only slightly above minimum wage, but I was fine with that cause I knew I'd be allowed to sit down which is essential to me being able to work. The hiring manager told me around 200 people applied for this ONE position so they closed applications. The job market is utter rubbish, don't think it's a failing of yours if you're unable to get employed right now in anything that's not min wage.