Venting Scheduled HRT Appointment

[coma-baby]

I just scheduled an appointment to begin medically transitioning from female to male. I always imagined I'd be excited. That I'd be overjoyed. That I would feel a weight lift off of my shoulders.
Instead, I continue to feel tethered. This feels like another thing that gets in the way. I feel obligated postpone dying.
I mean. I hope that starting T will make me feel more comfortable with existence. There's no way it won't.
I think in this moment I just feel frustrated.
Any other transgender folk relate?

 

[azucaramargo]

I just scheduled an appointment to begin medically transitioning from female to male. I always imagined I'd be excited. That I'd be overjoyed. That I would feel a weight lift off of my shoulders.
Instead, I continue to feel tethered. This feels like another thing that gets in the way. I feel obligated postpone dying.
I mean. I hope that starting T will make me feel more comfortable with existence. There's no way it won't.
I think in this moment I just feel frustrated.
Any other transgender folk relate?

Congratulations. This is a big step!

 

[Lethe]

I started HRT about a year ago, and I wasn't very excited about it because I'm too old now for it to have much effect anyway. I figured I'd attempt it regardless, as a last-ditch attempt at happiness. A year in and not much has changed, as expected.

You're FTM though, so there are guaranteed big changes in store for you. Hugs.