Help Scared

[Katerina]

I fluctuate with my suicidal thoughts some days I can tell the voices in my head to do one other days I can't
Today is one of those days I feel worthless and a burden
Is anyone about to help me see reason

 

[Lefty]

Is there anyone you can chat with? Chatting with someone who is caring and understanding may help.

 

[Katerina]

Usually my boyfriend but he asked me not to go over tonight I think this has triggered my feelings

 

[woxihuanni]

Is there anyone you can chat with? Chatting with someone who is caring and understanding may help.

Yeah she's made a thread to FIND someone to chat with. No shit Sherlock.

@Katerina, of course you have worth and of course you are not a burden. Do you why the dark voices have the upper hand today? Sometimes it's a little thing that sets it off and then it spirals.

 

[Lefty]

Sorry to hear that. If you'd like, you can pm me. I hope you feel better.

 

[woxihuanni]

Aha, I see you know what triggered it.

 

[Lefty]

Yeah she's made a thread to FIND someone to chat with. No shit Sherlock.

@Katerina, of course you have worth and of course you are not a burden. Do you why the dark voices have the upper hand today? Sometimes it's a little thing that sets it off and then it spirals.

I only saw this thread, I didn't know she made another thread. Maybe you should try to be nice, especially with how people on this forum are feeling.

 

[pole]

Usually my boyfriend but he asked me not to go over tonight I think this has triggered my feelings

you can stop by in chat, or feel free to PM any of us. when you're alone, its usually when such thoughts become enticing, and more and more louder than when you're actually with someone and not alone. for me, there the most loudest when im alone, which is why i have to constantly be around people. if im not around people, ill be 10000x worse. you definitely have to let whatever you're feeling out, instead of letting it linger inside of you. getting out, leaving you're loneliness by force and forcing yourself out of you're environment even if its temporarily to go to the gym, hang with friends, etc; helps minimize these thoughts and voices temporarily.

 

[Katerina]

Hard week at work and I always see my boyfriend on a Friday I said I'm not feeling great he replied see you next week ... he is always supportive then my paranoia sets in is he with someone else ...am I too much for him I don't know he is all I have if I lose him I literally have nothing

 

[woxihuanni]

I only saw this thread, I didn't know she made another thread. Maybe you should try to be nice, especially with how people on this forum are feeling.

Yes, this thread is a cry for help/for somebody to reach out. I was snarky because I cannot imagine anything more frustrating to be told to find someone to talk to if I were already reaching out for that.

 

[Katerina]

also got a letter from a debt collection agency I have no money to pay the debt I'm panicking

 

[woxihuanni]

Hard week at work and I always see my boyfriend on a Friday I said I'm not feeling great he replied see you next week ... he is always supportive then my paranoia sets in is he with someone else ...am I too much for him I don't know he is all I have if I lose him I literally have nothing

It's good you reached out here instead of insisting to contact him. How do you feel about him and his treatment of you in general?

 

[Lefty]

I was simply trying to help.

 

[pole]

Hard week at work and I always see my boyfriend on a Friday I said I'm not feeling great he replied see you next week ... he is always supportive then my paranoia sets in is he with someone else ...am I too much for him I don't know he is all I have if I lose him I literally have nothing

so as woxi said, those are essentially potential triggers. definitely takes strength more than anything to realize it. and when you're support system isn't there when you need them the most, well you feel invalidated and essentially succumb and reside back to the thoughts and voices.

sorry again. i would suggest to perhaps find a friend whos free to hang out with, its friday, bound for someone to be free. or stop by the chatroom or one of our pms! or perhaps a hobby? something to get you're mind off the negativity and to focus it on something productive.

also got a letter from a debt collection agency I have no money to pay the debt I'm panicking

things are hitting you all at once right now, thats terrible. im definitely not an expert, is there financial aid from family you can lean on, or some type of line of credit?

 

[Katerina]

so as woxi said, those are essentially potential triggers. definitely takes strength more than anything to realize it. and when you're support system isn't there when you need them the most, well you feel invalidated and essentially succumb and reside back to the thoughts and voices.

sorry again. i would suggest to perhaps find a friend whos free to hang out with, its friday, bound for someone to be free. or stop by the chatroom or one of our pms! or perhaps a hobby? something to get you're mind off the negativity and to focus it on something productive.

I have no friends
Where is the chatroom

 

[pole]

I have no friends
Where is the chatroom

so if your on ur phone, click the bar on the left hand side, a bunch of subheadings pop up, and click chat. and it'll direct you to the chatroom.

 

[Katerina]

It's good you reached out here instead of insisting to contact him. How do you feel about him and his treatment of you in general?

He is usually great he makes me see sense but I do think sometimes I put the effort into our relationship
I don't like thinking too hasty when I'm feeling like this as my brain overthinks and sees the bad in what I hear

 

[Lefty]

I have no friends
Where is the chatroom

There is a tab at the top of the page that says chat. That will bring you to the chat-room. I hope you will feel better and can find someone to chat with.

NOTE: I'm on Desktop.

 

[woxihuanni]

He is usually great he makes me see sense but I do think sometimes I put the effort into our relationship
I don't like thinking too hasty when I'm feeling like this as my brain overthinks and sees the bad in what I hear

You're one sensible lady, yes you should not be too hasty when you are in a dark place.

Hold on with us until you calm down. Mostly women put in more effort, it's one of those things, don't think it makes you less valued than other women.

 

[Katerina]

It makes me feel so alone I hate the voices

 

[woxihuanni]

Hush hush, you are not alone. There's always one of us or the other around here. Do you know where the voices originally come from? Parents? Teachers in childhood? Bullies?

 

[Katerina]

I don't know

Hush hush, you are not alone. There's always one of us or the other around here. Do you know where the voices originally come from? Parents? Teachers in childhood? Bullies?

I don't know where they come from ..I've never felt good enough but my dad used to blame me for everything if the milk turns sour I blame myself I think he has made me think like that
But when I'm down I overthink everything and the voices get louder take the codeine it will stop the pain

 

[woxihuanni]

Sure, take something if it helps.

It's difficult to get rid of a blaming parent's voice out of one's head, it's great you notice one possible source of them.

Is there anything else that is small and practical that gives you comfort when it gets like this?

 

[Katerina]

Normally I would see my boyfriend and he helps
I think admitting on here has started to help I'm starting to calm down
Thank you so much

 

[pole]

I don't know

I don't know where they come from ..I've never felt good enough but my dad used to blame me for everything if the milk turns sour I blame myself I think he has made me think like that
But when I'm down I overthink everything and the voices get louder take the codeine it will stop the pain

people in you're life who's role was to cherish and love you, treated you otherwise; thus you have such reactions stemming from the way you were treated at different times in you're life perhaps. you'd be blamed for things, be the outlet of inflicting pain because of someone elses problems (your dad to you), and its made you overthink things and think of the most negative possible outcome in situations. things like codeine, percs, help temporarily for sure.

perhaps creating a second support system, as in this forum; for when you don't have you're boyfriend or anyone IRL to lean on.

 

[woxihuanni]

You are very welcome. When you have any support outside of your relationship, the relationship may also get a little more sparkly. Hope that you enjoy one another immensely next time you interact.

 

[Katerina]

Sure, take something if it helps.

It's difficult to get rid of a blaming parent's voice out of one's head, it's great you notice one possible source of them.

Is there anything else that is small and practical that gives you comfort when it gets like this?

I'm allergic to codeine I have some left over from an op last year

 

[woxihuanni]

Aha, don't take it then. Some herbal tea with calming effects? A fag if you smoke?

 

[Katerina]

Aha, don't take it then. Some herbal tea with calming effects? A fag if you smoke?

I just had some gin I'm calming down I think I'm gaining control again it's like a panic attack

 

[woxihuanni]

Aha OK. I know, I wish I had SS when dark voices got the better of me in the past.