Discussion Scared?

[FailerQt.]

So is it normal to feel scared as the time is slowly approaching even if the exact date is not known yet? I recently got my nitrogen regulator and going to look into getting the cylinder and other things as well around next week. Planning to go before October 25. But knowing this makes me more and more scared. Or is it just an excitement? Can't really tell as these two feelings are very similar. Or is it so called survival instinct? Is anybody else who's planning to ctb going through similar feelings?

 

[chuerdhmproton]

Yes, the two conflicting feelings of fear from SI and excitement of finally able to CTB are in a constant battle for me also. I would imagine this is common for almost everyone contemplating ctb.

 

[Grav]

I think so. It's probably the biggest decision you will ever make.

 

[lita-lassi]

theres usually a lot of separate things that need consideration and the planning is nearly impossible to separate from the fact that youre doing it to die, most brains are wired to want to continue on, si kicks in at any contributing action

 

[whatsmynameagain2]

It's something unknown so feeling scared is almost always going to be there. My best take on it is like you said to just mistake it for excitement, both act the same

 

[FailerQt.]

Also thinking about how to write a note for loved ones to not make it sound like I am only "pitying" myself.

 

[Agon321]

So is it normal to feel scared as the time is slowly approaching even if the exact date is not known yet? I recently got my nitrogen regulator and going to look into getting the cylinder and other things as well around next week. Planning to go before October 25. But knowing this makes me more and more scared. Or is it just an excitement? Can't really tell as these two feelings are very similar. Or is it so called survival instinct? Is anybody else who's planning to ctb going through similar feelings?

Normal reaction. Your mind triggers a defense system designed to dissuade you from the CTB decision. I still have fears, but I try to fight them. The most pessimistic thoughts come at night, but during the day I am optimistic about death. Thanks to this, I know that I 100% need to CTB during the day. I would like to die with a smile on my face, but unfortunately it is very difficult.

 

[girlsboysthems]

im in the same boat, a part of my method came, now im just waiting for the other thing, but i can easily supplement it with lots of alcohol (i think) and im getting a bit nervous about this. i recognize it might be a consequence of the previous suicide that i failed and because i was so sure of my death and didnt plan for anything else and was VERY disappointed that i survived that shit and was entirely unprepared for what i have gotten myself into. so i get you, and i think the SI is definitely somehow involved.

 

[Blue Elephant]

Also thinking about how to write a note for loved ones to not make it sound like I am only "pitying" myself.

You can always just make it simple: just thank them for being there for you and say that life was better with them close. I don't know, I haven't wrote mine yet. Actually I might leave a voice message.