Scared to talk

[Brokensoul05]

I keep calling the hotline but i keep freaking out and hanging up before anyone picks up. I just cant talk out loud about it. And it makes me feel dumb

 

[Ark]

Talk here first if you want. That might make it easier to talk to someone one on one here, and in turn make it easier to talk on the hotline.

 

[Jean4]

Talk to us. We are better than a hotline. We understand and we feel the same way you do. Which is why we are here. A hotline doesn't understand.

 

[Brokensoul05]

I thank you for that but i dont even understand any of it myself.

 

[Jean4]

I thank you for that but i dont even understand any of it myself.

You don't need to understand and feelings can be confusing.

Start here. What are you feeling that made you pick up the phone and want to call? Did something specific happen?

 

[realjunes]

Jean4 is so right. What most members are experiencing is incomprehensible, so you are not alone there. Share if you feel you can what you can.

 

[Jean4]

Jean4 is so right. What most members are experiencing is incomprehensible, so you are not alone there. Share if you feel you can what you can.

And we have heard Everything. Nothing to be embarrassed about.

 

[Brokensoul05]

You don't need to understand and feelings can be confusing.

Start here. What are you feeling that made you pick up the phone and want to call? Did something specific happen?

Nothing specific just the consant feeling of depression and other worse things for the past year

 

[XoXoNae]

For real huh jean lol just go look at some of our posts... talk about sounding dumb.. but guess what?? You are far from invalid and so are your feelings I promise you there is nothing you can say that we will feel is dumb and if we don't understand we will ask. We are here for YOU and for US.. so spill what's going on in that head of yours??

 

[Jean4]

Nothing specific just the consant feeling of depression and other worse things for the past year

I know all about Depression. You have come to the right place.

Have you tried to get help for the Depression. Everyone is different, but meds do help me.

What horrible things happened in the past year. Trust me. Whatever it is, there is someone who is or has gone through it.

For real huh jean lol just go look at some of our posts... talk about sounding dumb.. but guess what?? You are far from invalid and so are your feelings I promise you there is nothing you can say that we will feel is dumb and if we don't understand we will ask. We are here for YOU and for US.. so spill what's going on in that head of yours??

Yup. For example..... we know my cooking kills, and I regularly set off fire alarms. To help society, I don't cook! ;)

 

[Brokensoul05]

Yes i did try to get help. No one i told cared enough to do anything. And since then I've been to busy isolating myself from literally any meaningful contact for fear of everything getting worse.

 

[realjunes]

I keep calling the hotline but i keep freaking out and hanging up before anyone picks up. I just cant talk out loud about it. And it makes me feel dumb

Brokensoul05 - You keep hanging up on the hotline, freak out, and then hang up before you have to talk to anyone. Now, you put that thought out there and with no chance to hang up, we are talking to you. It is odd, isn't it? Don't feel rushed or on the spot by me, please. But if and when you feel like it you can chime in anytime, or just sit back awhile and watch us feel dumb for a while, perhaps boost your confidence some.

 

[Jean4]

Yes i did try to get help. No one i told cared enough to do anything. And since then I've been to busy isolating myself from literally any meaningful contact for fear of everything getting worse.

You didn't try to get help from people who understand you and are there. No offense to the hotline folks. It's a job for them. They don't understand what it is like to be there.

We care. We are there and we are just like you.

 

[Brokensoul05]

Its like it doesn't matter what you say or maybe it does idk

 

[realjunes]

Broken,
You said you just can't talk about it out loud.....I completely get that. I cannot talk out loud about things that hurt either, not at all. That is why I let my fingers do the talking, via the keyboard, and you are beginning to do a good job with that too. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.

 

[Jean4]

Its like it doesn't matter what you say or maybe it does idk

If you want to talk or when you are ready, we are here.

 

[Sdj]

Yes i did try to get help. No one i told cared enough to do anything. And since then I've been to busy isolating myself from literally any meaningful contact for fear of everything getting worse.

Well, not no one. You've had a bunch of people here who care.

I equate shit like this to the wind. You feel it, hear it, but dont see it, so until it blows your house over, you can pretty much tune it out. And that's what most people do to friends with serious issues. And after the person ctb and they're finally attending a funeral, and the house has blown down, and it can no longer be ignored, they'll be like "Damn, why didnt he/she tell anyone?"

I've been guilty of ignoring other friends/family's serious shit in the past. Then shit got serious for me... and despite wanting to ctb, I definitely learned a lot about empathy. And especially about how you cant expect other people to be empathic. Its amazing if they are. But you cant expect it.

Except here. So post whatever... theres always going to be someone who will take the time to read your mumblings and mumble back to you.

 

[Brokensoul05]

"People fear death even more than pain. It's strange that they fear death. Life hurts a lot more than death. At the point of death, the pain is over. Yeah, I guess it is a friend."
Death doesn't scare me life does. Life is unpredictable and control is just an illusion