Scared of the actual catching of the bus

[Merseymike]

I'm not scared of dying as such. But the actual act of doing what's needed to commit suicide
How can I deal with this?

 

[Merseymike]

No. It's the actual doing of it. It's frightening

 

[whatmattersmost]

I'm not scared of dying as such. But the actual act of doing what's needed to commit suicide
How can I deal with this?

It will be over before I know it.

 

[whatmattersmost]

Do you know why it's frightening? Sorry for these questions by the way, it's just hard to pinpoint exactly what you're trying to say.

All of the what ifs??

 

[Salvacion]

ExactLy! The execution is what's frightening the result is desired I know exactly what you mean

 

[bbq1]

I've got 23hrs left. Yes it's a bit frightening, a bit exciting a bit of everything. I'm pleased to be able to go so simply with simple legal gear and practice. I'm annoyed my Buckethead, Mark Knopfler, Pink Floyd, Eric Clapton faves list is never going to get a 4 hour hammering with my codeine enhanced brain again. That annoys me.
Nothing else does. I'm quite exhausted and done and older than you might think. Getting out whilst theres only gout, yippee.

 

[whatmattersmost]

I've got 23hrs left. Yes it's a bit frightening, a bit exciting a bit of everything. I'm pleased to be able to go so simply with simple legal gear and practice. I'm annoyed my Buckethead, Mark Knopfler, Pink Floyd, Eric Clapton faves list is never going to get a 4 hour hamnering with my codeine enhanced brain again. That annoys me.
Nothing else does. I'm quite exhausted and done and older than you might think. Getting out whilst theres only gout, yippee.

23hours left till you ctb?
I feel like maybe I should set a date/time

 

[bbq1]

23hours left till you ctb?
I feel like maybe I should set a date/time

For me it was easy. I want to go by bbq co, the campsites shut in a week or two for winter and the weather tomorrow is perfect, 20c by day, 9c by night. No rain. It's like a gift. Use it or lose it.
So the advantage needs taking otherwise regret will claw at me all winter long. Let's do this. Let me get off the pot proud. !

 

[whatmattersmost]

For me it was easy. I want to go by bbq co, the campsites shut in a week or two for winter and the weather tomorrow is perfect, 20c by day, 9c by night. No rain. It's like a gift. Use it or lose it.
So the advantage needs taking otherwise regret will claw at me all winter long. Let's do this. Let me get off the pot proud. !

Good Luck.
How long did you plan for?
I want to hang, I just haven't made mind up fully, I'm not doing anything else though.

 

[bbq1]

Semi seriously for 2 years.
Seriously for 2 months.
But in that 2 months 2 others have gone from here who's total age is still a way off mine.
So no excuses are justified anymore. It's die or be a coward and there is no 3rd option in my case.
Maybe for others there is. Fair enough if so.

 

[bigj75]

the risk of pain during and the risk of debilitating disability/injuries if failure occurs is terrifying. But at the same time I know if I don't do this I'll end up homeless, in jail, or the psych ward.

 

[Ben]

Semi seriously for 2 years.
Seriously for 2 months.
But in that 2 months 2 others have gone from here who's total age is still a way off mine.
So no excuses are justified anymore. It's die or be a coward and there is no 3rd option in my case.
Maybe for others there is. Fair enough if so.

I hope it works out the way you want friend.

 

[whatmattersmost]

Semi seriously for 2 years.
Seriously for 2 months.
But in that 2 months 2 others have gone from here who's total age is still a way off mine.
So no excuses are justified anymore. It's die or be a coward and there is no 3rd option in my case.
Maybe for others there is. Fair enough if so.

Total Age?
It doesn't make You a coward,
that's how I feel though.
I Honestly should've done it Years ago
I'm still going to.
So you can do it just by putting charcoal in your car/tent? Do you have to knock yourself out?

 

[bbq1]

Yes but theres a bit more proceedure needed, all in the threads.
I've got 60mg diaz, 45mg zopiclone, 50mg amitriptyline and 350ml vodka and oj. That should be quite a wallop of a mix an hour before getting in the car for a final kip.

 

[bigj75]

 

[whatmattersmost]

Yes but theres a bit more proceedure needed, all in the threads.
I've got 60mg diaz, 45mg zopiclone, 50mg amitriptyline and 350ml vodka and oj. That should be quite a wallop of a mix an hour before getting in the car for a final kip.

I wish I was prepared as You are.

 

[windingdown]

I suspect that many suicidal people are at peace with death, but that it's the dying that scares them. The route of getting from here to there. There is uncertainty of what it will be like, and we are self-protective beings who fear pain.

There may be something to the idea that we have the motivation to go through with it when the pain of living outweighs the fear of possible pain when dying.

If you choose a method that you can't back out of once done, that could be a way to go through with it. I'm doing poison; once I drink it, I can't back out. With something like partial, I could back out.

 

[111aaa]

I'm doing poison; once I drink it, I can't back out. With something like partial, I could back out.

What kind of poison will you use?

 

[nasblue]

I'm doing poison; once I drink it, I can't back out.

You could still make yourself throw up or call an ambulance in panic. Not unheard of.

 

[bigj75]

You could still make yourself throw up or call an ambulance in panic. Not unheard of.

True.

 

[Lra888]

the risk of pain during and the risk of debilitating disability/injuries if failure occurs is terrifying. But at the same time I know if I don't do this I'll end up homeless, in jail, or the psych ward.

Same. For some people there are no get help options. If I go to a psych ward that would be a living hell, and i sure can't make it out here. Medication never works talking to people honestly will only get you locked up.

 

[windingdown]

You could still make yourself throw up or call an ambulance in panic. Not unheard of.

I have control over those things, though, and I wouldn't do them.

You're right though, I prob shouldn't say 'I couldn't back out'. I do suspect that with sodium nitrite, it would still be lethal even if I tried to get myself to throw up the 50ml/1/2 cup of water in my stomach, at a dose of 15-20g.

 

[windingdown]

What kind of poison will you use?

Sodium nitrite