I know this is going to sound weird, but is any one else scared to be happy or get well again? I realized that's why I personally can't get better: because I'm so accustomed to the bad things, I'm scared to have and then lose the good things. I always lose people, and I feel like CTB is the only way to escape the process. Has anyone else given up for this reason too? I had a hand extended to me, but me and the doctor both don't think I can or want to take it. I don't think I can listen to a word she said. I hope I'm not alone with this feeling.
I quite understand this, even if we're not in the same situation.
I feel like my attempts of recovering are useless, that no matter what I do the outcome will always be a negative one—the same negative one, and this is why I often feel like there's no getting better for me.
I am not "properly" scared, not exactly, I think that trying to feel better is going to result negatively, and so trying will just bring me suffering—such as losing what of good I have now. So maybe I could say I am scared of failing, and this is why I struggle in recovering.
Anyway, I think that there can be lots of other "escapes" from this circle that can be worth a try, if you want or feel like trying, and I hope you'll find peace in the best way you feel for yourself.
I wish you the best in every way, you're not alone in wanting to feel better but being stuck or afraid, and I hope you will be able to stop this fear, if that's what you want <3
