Discussion Scared of getting well again

[Achromatix]

I know this is going to sound weird, but is any one else scared to be happy or get well again? I realized that's why I personally can't get better: because I'm so accustomed to the bad things, I'm scared to have and then lose the good things. I always lose people, and I feel like CTB is the only way to escape the process. Has anyone else given up for this reason too? I had a hand extended to me, but me and the doctor both don't think I can or want to take it. I don't think I can listen to a word she said. I hope I'm not alone with this feeling.

 

[underscore_nine]

im terrified of being happy and and deciding not to CTB. Im trying to do things horrible for my mental health in order to keep my motivated to end it all. Today I was happy which is disheartening to feel. I need to fall into an emotional state of despair. im glad im not alone in this feeling

 

[quietwater]

I know this is going to sound weird, but is any one else scared to be happy or get well again? I realized that's why I personally can't get better: because I'm so accustomed to the bad things, I'm scared to have and then lose the good things. I always lose people, and I feel like CTB is the only way to escape the process. Has anyone else given up for this reason too? I had a hand extended to me, but me and the doctor both don't think I can or want to take it. I don't think I can listen to a word she said. I hope I'm not alone with this feeling.

I quite understand this, even if we're not in the same situation.
I feel like my attempts of recovering are useless, that no matter what I do the outcome will always be a negative one—the same negative one, and this is why I often feel like there's no getting better for me.

I am not "properly" scared, not exactly, I think that trying to feel better is going to result negatively, and so trying will just bring me suffering—such as losing what of good I have now. So maybe I could say I am scared of failing, and this is why I struggle in recovering.

Anyway, I think that there can be lots of other "escapes" from this circle that can be worth a try, if you want or feel like trying, and I hope you'll find peace in the best way you feel for yourself.
I wish you the best in every way, you're not alone in wanting to feel better but being stuck or afraid, and I hope you will be able to stop this fear, if that's what you want <3