I've researched a lot of info on consciousness and universal knowledge and I'm terrified, one guy said if you're immersed in a particular emotion that's the same way you come back in, and there is no fooling the universe, I feel so ultimately trapped, I've had a bad trip on acid and it's like I was trapped in eternal fear with no escape and I fear that's what death is like. But then I think all of this is it's my survival instinct kicking in and it's all just hallucinations and delusions made up by the brain. I feel too much research has eternally fucked me. I just want to die and not remember anything. My mother constantly shamed me for drinking alcohol and my bulimia and I try to stop but I have other way to cope sometimes, it's like I'm constantly submerged in this feeling of guilt that leaves me drained and hopeless. She tells me to get help but I've tried and help doesn't solve the problem of my shitty life and this chronic fog of emotion. I just want to leave without feeling all this shame and embarrassment I don't know how to fix.
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