SoulWhisperer
Careless Soul « MtF »
- Nov 13, 2023
- 322
This is nothing more than a stupid silly vent of mine, but I wanted to drop this here so it would be stored forever and ever, hopefully.
I cannot avoid to think about CBT, it's like a broken record at this point. However I gave myself about a year to do this, after understanding the basics of this procedure and the various methods I realised how trivial it REALLY is versus my original knowledge, so with my hopelessness and lack of methods I doubt I would succeed, and probably will end up paralysed for life. However I wanted to say goodbye to one of my stupid dreams, or a few of them.
Before dying I had planned to achieve some goofy dreams of mine, like beating WRs in games, getting a STABLE job I would like, getting a good degree and etc. However I came to realise that I probably won't achieve anything in life both if I died or if I didn't.
I have some random obsessions, like the one to compulsively attempt to learn Japanese. Reaching a point where just talking to people that speak fluent English and Japanese was enough to make me wanna outright cry. It is a TRIVIAL challenge, but definitely not impossible.
I can see the obstacles and I can see how to get over them, but it's not easy, and it's definitely over my limit in my current state, so considering my life plans I probably will have to conclude everything without fulfilling this dream of mine. To become somewhat fluent in a language that deeply fascinates me, alongside the whole country and culture.
Just learning some random facts, without understanding half of the things was enough to make me feel a spark of passion inside of me. That is probably destined to painfully burn me inside and then wear out.
Whatever will happen, this will always be my dream. And whether I will succeed or not in realising it, it will always stick with me until I take my final breath.
Thank you for reading until the end...
I cannot avoid to think about CBT, it's like a broken record at this point. However I gave myself about a year to do this, after understanding the basics of this procedure and the various methods I realised how trivial it REALLY is versus my original knowledge, so with my hopelessness and lack of methods I doubt I would succeed, and probably will end up paralysed for life. However I wanted to say goodbye to one of my stupid dreams, or a few of them.
Before dying I had planned to achieve some goofy dreams of mine, like beating WRs in games, getting a STABLE job I would like, getting a good degree and etc. However I came to realise that I probably won't achieve anything in life both if I died or if I didn't.
I have some random obsessions, like the one to compulsively attempt to learn Japanese. Reaching a point where just talking to people that speak fluent English and Japanese was enough to make me wanna outright cry. It is a TRIVIAL challenge, but definitely not impossible.
I can see the obstacles and I can see how to get over them, but it's not easy, and it's definitely over my limit in my current state, so considering my life plans I probably will have to conclude everything without fulfilling this dream of mine. To become somewhat fluent in a language that deeply fascinates me, alongside the whole country and culture.
Just learning some random facts, without understanding half of the things was enough to make me feel a spark of passion inside of me. That is probably destined to painfully burn me inside and then wear out.
Whatever will happen, this will always be my dream. And whether I will succeed or not in realising it, it will always stick with me until I take my final breath.
Thank you for reading until the end...
