Venting Saw some terrible news :(

[draw a circle]

There's this Japanese actor (idk if I should inform his name here?) who passed away today and he was found hanged in his house. Allegedly, he killed himself. I didn't know him well (as an actor) but I've seen him in one of my favorite anime's movie adaptation. And of course I'm sad for him, and his family, friends, and fans, all of that.

But deep down, when I see the news of someone (a celeb or anyone) dying because of suicide I also feel something like... wow, they did it. Because I also wanted to do it but couldn't manage to, partly because I'm scared, I haven't found a foolproof plan, and I still wished I could do something to help myself. I'm always scared that something would go wrong and I survived with bad luck but when I see these people on the news, I was like, damn, if they can do it, there must be a chance for me to succeed doing it. Does anyone experience this? I also thought about this when a Korean idol I liked died two years ago. I feel bad since there are people who are directly affected by these people's death, but all I can think about is myself.

I'm just... I don't know. I just want to let this out. I'm sad that he died, but it's so coincidental that he killed himself right at the time I was seriously thinking of doing that (like, my suicidal levels are on a spike or something). I don't even know if this could be called being "triggered"? Because I'm already thinking about suicide all the time anyway. Thanks for reading/listening to this rambling. May he rest in peace.

 

[autumnal]

I don't think there are any restrictions on naming celebrities here.

 

[Bct]

I also saw this news too. They say the cause probably was cyberbullying, which is rampant in East Asian countries. That was terrible.

 

[draw a circle]

I also saw this news too. They say the cause probably was cyberbullying, which is rampant in East Asian countries. That was terrible.

This happened a lot with Kpop idols as well.... so sad.

I don't think there are any restrictions on naming celebrities here.

Yeah, it just feels weird to name him since I was talking about myself. It was Haruma Miura, if anyone wants to know.

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

There's this Japanese actor (idk if I should inform his name here?) who passed away today and he was found hanged in his house. Allegedly, he killed himself. I didn't know him well (as an actor) but I've seen him in one of my favorite anime's movie adaptation. And of course I'm sad for him, and his family, friends, and fans, all of that.

But deep down, when I see the news of someone (a celeb or anyone) dying because of suicide I also feel something like... wow, they did it. Because I also wanted to do it but couldn't manage to, partly because I'm scared, I haven't found a foolproof plan, and I still wished I could do something to help myself. I'm always scared that something would go wrong and I survived with bad luck but when I see these people on the news, I was like, damn, if they can do it, there must be a chance for me to succeed doing it. Does anyone experience this? I also thought about this when a Korean idol I liked died two years ago. I feel bad since there are people who are directly affected by these people's death, but all I can think about is myself.

I'm just... I don't know. I just want to let this out. I'm sad that he died, but it's so coincidental that he killed himself right at the time I was seriously thinking of doing that (like, my suicidal levels are on a spike or something). I don't even know if this could be called being "triggered"? Because I'm already thinking about suicide all the time anyway. Thanks for reading/listening to this rambling. May he rest in peace.

I feel the same way, like wow they had the balls to do it, why can't I

 

[Incorrigible77777]

Sad to see Haruma going. Reminds me of Kimi Qiao who CTBed in 2016. 心よりご冥福をお祈り申し上げます。

I also saw this news too. They say the cause probably was cyberbullying, which is rampant in East Asian countries. That was terrible.

Cyberbullying can even occur among non-celebrities in East Asia. I'm born in a family favoring cut-throat capitalism. During summer break of my junior year, my family was dissatisfied with my not going for internships, so they found a group of people to cyberbully me by criticizing I'm a NEET.

 

[draw a circle]

I feel the same way, like wow they had the balls to do it, why can't I

For me, it's more because I'm worried about the high possibility for suicides to fail, and yet these people managed. But yeah, must've taken a lot for them to actually go through. Still, that's sad though...

Sad to see Haruma going. Reminds me of Kimi Qiao who CTBed in 2016. 心よりご冥福をお祈り申し上げます。


Cyberbullying can even occur among non-celebrities in East Asia. I'm born in a family favoring cut-throat capitalism. During summer break of my junior year, my family was dissatisfied with my not going for internships, so they found a group of people to cyberbully me by criticizing I'm a NEET.

ありがとうございます。それがざんねんですね。

Must be hard on you. I hope things are getting better/will get better. I'm not doing well at school too right now, fortunately my family is more understanding. But my guilt is too heavy to keep on living....

 

[Incorrigible77777]

For me, it's more because I'm worried about the high possibility for suicides to fail, and yet these people managed. But yeah, must've taken a lot for them to actually go through. Still, that's sad though...

ありがとうございます。それがざんねんですね。

Must be hard on you. I hope things are getting better/will get better. I'm not doing well at school too right now, fortunately my family is more understanding. But my guilt is too heavy to keep on living....

Thank you so much... I appreciate.

It's indeed great pity to see Haruma going. I remember back in my high school era, there were many Japanese actors/actresses like Haruma, Gakki, Yamashita Tomohisa, Erika Toda, Erika Sawajiri etc. well welcomed on campus. Haruma's departure means to some extent the farewell to my youth time. I know that suicide culture is quite popular in Japan. There're two famous Japanese novels about suicide that I really like and right on my office desk - Ningen Shikkaku by Dazai Osamu and Lake Akan by Watanabe Junichi.

My family is really harsh on me about my performance at school and at work. And they tend to go to extremes e.g. find people to cyberbully me for not getting an intership or full-time job (as for full-time job, the criticisms started since the summer break right after I graduated from college, which was the time many students of western countries are yet enjoying their graduation trip or even gap year); force me to stop making friends with people having worse acadmic grades than me; even though I was awarded PBK at college for my decent GPA, my family was dissatisfied with it because I did only one major while most of my peers did double or even triple majors, and punished me by having me take 3 pieces of luggage (each weighing about 50 lbs) and walk home from airport (distance of about 40 km) on the first night back to my country from college. I've really had it throughout my life. The only way of getting better for me is CTB.

I'm glad you have a more understanding family. I don't know how to get rid of the guilty you have, but I really wanna say: you're a wonderful person worthy of being loved.

 

[draw a circle]

I don't know how to get rid of the guilty you have, but I really wanna say: you're a wonderful person worthy of being loved.

Thanks a lot, that's super sweet.

Sounds like you already did a great job, you really don't deserve that from your family.... I want you to know that there are people who appreciates your hard work and love you for who you are, not just what you do.

As for the novels it sounds interesting. I might look it up later. I really like reading but haven't been reading anything new lately.

 

[Incorrigible77777]

Thanks a lot, that's super sweet.

Sounds like you already did a great job, you really don't deserve that from your family.... I want you to know that there are people who appreciates your hard work and love you for who you are, not just what you do.

As for the novels it sounds interesting. I might look it up later. I really like reading but haven't been reading anything new lately.

You're really sweet as well :-) As for the novels, I strongly recommend these two. To me, they're classics.

For my story in detail, you may check this thread. In the long run, I'll also post other stories related to my sufferings in this thread rather than have it as a mere introduction thread. Unlike many people trying to conceal any clue about their CTB, I prefer writing everything on SS just like writing diaries. In this way, if I die one day, I'll include my SS nickname in my suicide note and people can read through what I've actually gone through just like reading stories. The reason why I'm doing so is that it'd be even more regrets and pains if I left the world without a word. I clearly know how that feels for alive people because I've experienced such cases - people dying suddenly due to heart failure without leaving a word: my beloved grandma who departed in March, Godfrey Gao (the man in my avatar) who departed in November 2019, and Turtleman of the Korean mixed voice group Turtles (the lyrics in my signature are from one of their songs) who departed back in 2008. I'm not afraid of being found on SS, because almost nobody in my country would know and find this website.

 

[draw a circle]

You're really sweet as well :-) As for the novels, I strongly recommend these two. To me, they're classics.

For my story in detail, you may check this thread. In the long run, I'll also post other stories related to my sufferings in this thread rather than have it as a mere introduction thread. Unlike many people trying to conceal any clue about their CTB, I prefer writing everything on SS just like writing diaries. In this way, if I die one day, I'll include my SS nickname in my suicide note and people can read through what I've actually gone through just like reading stories. The reason why I'm doing so is that it'd be even more regrets and pains if I left the world without a word. I clearly know how that feels for alive people because I've experienced such cases - people dying suddenly due to heart failure without leaving a word: my beloved grandma who departed in March, Godfrey Gao (the man in my avatar) who departed in November 2019, and Turtleman of the Korean mixed voice group Turtles (the lyrics in my signature are from one of their songs) who departed back in 2008. I'm not afraid of being found on SS, because almost nobody in my country would know and find this website.

Best of luck for you on your journey. I hope you can find solace one day.