Dawn0071111
Hungry Ghost
- Dec 9, 2018
- 570
So there is this concept in the theraputic world about those who wish to heal from trauma, that we need to "save ourselves" in the sense of not waiting to be rescued, or saved by another person, circumstance or divine intervention. I have a huge Cinderella complex. I'm just not interested in "being the one I have been waiting for all my life.." Ewww. I don't want to rescue myself, save myself, pull myself up from the bootstraps, or be my own savior. I know in a culture that highly values independance neediness is frowned upon. But this is just how I am, and the effort required to change it doesn't seem worth it. Am I the only one who had grappled with this concept?
Basically my mantra is like: Something on the outside of myself needs to fix me, since it was something on the outside of that fucked me up. I know, "Oprah-ology" says: We aren't responsible for what happned to us, but we are responsible for what we do with it. Man..I tried sooo hard to live with that philosophy but it crushed me. Now I'm like fuck it, if I don't get an instant healing that requires little to no effort on my part. I'm taking myself out of this entire game. So yeah, the bitterness kicked in. And I am tired of trying to change everything. To find that joy that can "only be found within." I mean seriosuly yall, if true joy, contentment and happiness really are things that can't be found "outside of oneself" then why is fucking hard to just have it if it is indeed inside? I think its bullshit, yes I think there are many who have been able to tap in to thier own internal well of strength and joy and it not be dependant on outer sources people, circumstances. That is what I wanted. But have never been able to find it.
I have a hunch that once my mind evaporates, and my body dies, the true essence of me I will finally know and be free.
LIFE is bondage to many of us. And why not save myself FROM this life rather than saving myself IN this life?
Basically my mantra is like: Something on the outside of myself needs to fix me, since it was something on the outside of that fucked me up. I know, "Oprah-ology" says: We aren't responsible for what happned to us, but we are responsible for what we do with it. Man..I tried sooo hard to live with that philosophy but it crushed me. Now I'm like fuck it, if I don't get an instant healing that requires little to no effort on my part. I'm taking myself out of this entire game. So yeah, the bitterness kicked in. And I am tired of trying to change everything. To find that joy that can "only be found within." I mean seriosuly yall, if true joy, contentment and happiness really are things that can't be found "outside of oneself" then why is fucking hard to just have it if it is indeed inside? I think its bullshit, yes I think there are many who have been able to tap in to thier own internal well of strength and joy and it not be dependant on outer sources people, circumstances. That is what I wanted. But have never been able to find it.
I have a hunch that once my mind evaporates, and my body dies, the true essence of me I will finally know and be free.
LIFE is bondage to many of us. And why not save myself FROM this life rather than saving myself IN this life?
