Venting Saving lives

[lostintheloop]

I know people don't believe me but following the messages I'm given and eventually my ctb will save others (and those others are people who want to live) . It's a lot of pressure, people attacking me don't seem to understand that, but I will do everything it takes. People don't understand how terrifying this responsibility is but I will do everything that is required. It's for the greater good.

 

[dinosavr]

Oh I see you're in a psychotic episode again. I'm really sorry! What you should take under consideration then is that it's not true. I know that you feel responsible but that's too much of a burden for you. You don't have to carry it, you can let go, we promise. Your life, sadly (maybe), doesn't influence other deaths and if someone is supposed to die, they'll die anyway in my opinion.
Please think about it and reach out for help (preferably, psychiatrist or AT LEAST us). We're here for you and don't worry about the insults. These are just people who don't understand you. But still, you don't have to die, for real :)

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Oh I see you're in a psychotic episode again. I'm really sorry! What you should take under consideration then is that it's not true. I know that you feel responsible but that's too much of a burden for you. You don't have to carry it, you can let go, we promise. Your life, sadly (maybe), doesn't influence other deaths and if someone is supposed to die, they'll die anyway in my opinion.
Please think about it and reach out for help (preferably, psychiatrist or AT LEAST us). We're here for you and don't worry about the insults. These are just people who don't understand you. But still, you don't have to die, for real :)

To be honest, I feel like us continually engaging with them and claiming that they are having a psychotic episode is just making things worse. I don't know what exactly would be the right response to their situation. They don't seem to be doing too good at them moment and I don't want to them to ctb while like this, but I feel like nothing that anyone has been saying to them is getting through. They already went to see someone about their psychosis and they were supposed to go and get a proper assessment for it but I don't think they bothered going to the appointment. I think they stated something along the lines of them being sure that they aren't psychotic.

 

[fleetingnight]

Has anyone ever explained the details to you about how it would save people, or what kind of danger they'll be in if you don't, and why?

Sorry if you answered that before, I don't remember. I know you said you had proof they're a threat, but I'm wondering how many specific details you have, if that makes sense.

If someone's telling you that people are in danger, but refusing to explain exactly why/how, that sounds like it could just be manipulation, preying on your fears and sense of duty

 

[lostintheloop]

To be honest, I feel like us continually engaging with them and claiming that they are having a psychotic episode is just making things worse. I don't know what exactly would be the right response to their situation. They don't seem to be doing too good at them moment and I don't want to them to ctb while like this, but I feel like nothing that anyone has been saying to them is getting through. They already went to see someone about their psychosis and they were supposed to go and get a proper assessment for it but I don't think they bothered going to the appointment. I think they stated something along the lines of them being sure that they aren't psychotic.

I'm not going to argue about the psychosis part as we both agree that's not going anywhere.

But just wanted to point out for your 2nd point- I did go for full assessment with the psychosis service and told truth (and I posted in another thread the referral form that detailed that main issues were shared with them - mind control , thoughts of harm to self/others, microchip etc.). They discharged me as said my symptoms aren't in keeping with psychosis.
I won't argue about my view but that was theirs . I have tried to get help but keep getting rejected by multiple services so evidence is mounting that I have to do the right thing.
I know people don't believe me about that but in UK people who are risk to others and self are often denied support, it's not uncommon. There are multiple cases recently in news where family and individual concerns were ignored and led to murders and suicides.

Has anyone ever explained the details to you about how it would save people, or what kind of danger they'll be in if you don't, and why?

Sorry if you answered that before, I don't remember. I know you said you had proof they're a threat, but I'm wondering how many specific details you have, if that makes sense.

If someone's telling you that people are in danger, but refusing to explain exactly why/how, that sounds like it could just be manipulation, preying on your fears and sense of duty

There are specific threats and they've followed through on them before so I believe them. Too many times to be a coincidence and they predicted things no one could've known.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

If you're so intent on killing, why not just kill, destroy, vanquish, however you want to look at it, the outside source of all these "voices" you keep hearing that are telling you to kill others? Surely, that would solve all of the issues with everything you've written about, would it not?

 

[lostintheloop]

I am not so intent on killing.

Sadly that idea won't work as I'm unsure of the source. It seems it is an entity that can't cause harm itself but can control anyone to do whatever it likes and it can't be killed.

If you're so intent on killing, why not just kill, destroy, vanquish, however you want to look at it, the outside source of all these "voices" you keep hearing that are telling you to kill others? Surely, that would solve all of the issues with everything you've written about, would it not?

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I am not so intent on killing.

Sadly that idea won't work as I'm unsure of the source. It seems it is an entity that can't cause harm itself but can control anyone to do whatever it likes and it can't be killed.

They never gave you any hints as to their location?

 

[ferrie]

Idk why a lot of the responses you get act like you don't listen to the advice people try to give you. You don't agree that you have psychosis, but you've still gone to all of your appointments despite not wanting to & have tried suggestions like mine about taking notes. To me it's clear that you don't want to be feeling like this & just don't see a way out. Venting about having violent intrusive thoughts doesn't mean you truly want to act on them. Has the GP or MHP gotten back to you about your referral? It's unfortunate that there's not much you can do until the referral is sorted, but hopefully the relative that helped you will help keep up on it. Have you still not been sleeping? It sounds inane, but getting solid sleep can really help when everything feels so out of control. I hope at the very least you're able to get some rest

 

[lostintheloop]

They never gave you any hints as to their location?

Nope

Idk why a lot of the responses you get act like you don't listen to the advice people try to give you. You don't agree that you have psychosis, but you've still gone to all of your appointments despite not wanting to & have tried suggestions like mine about taking notes. To me it's clear that you don't want to be feeling like this & just don't see a way out. Venting about having violent intrusive thoughts doesn't mean you truly want to act on them. Has the GP or MHP gotten back to you about your referral? It's unfortunate that there's not much you can do until the referral is sorted, but hopefully the relative that helped you will help keep up on it. Have you still not been sleeping? It sounds inane, but getting solid sleep can really help when everything feels so out of control. I hope at the very least you're able to get some rest

Thank you for your understanding. I understand why people think I'm lying but I have genuinely been trying to get support.
No my relative had to chase it up again today. This receptionist was more helpful and apparently the person who was meant to contact Dr couple days ago went on annual leave without doing so . And they also shared that supposedly I wasn't discharged from MHP, she was supposed to do a review last month after the EIP referral (news to me). But anyway they've emailed the practitioner now to find out what's happening.
Yes trying not to sleep didn't last very long. I've calmed down about that, still feel the microchips but not so worried about more being put in now. My sleep isn't great but getting some every night at least.

Hope you're doing as ok as possible .sorry you've given a lot of support to me and I haven't reciprocated. Here if you ever want to chat.

 

[ferrie]

Thank you for your understanding. I understand why people think I'm lying but I have genuinely been trying to get support.
No my relative had to chase it up again today. This receptionist was more helpful and apparently the person who was meant to contact Dr couple days ago went on annual leave without doing so . And they also shared that supposedly I wasn't discharged from MHP, she was supposed to do a review last month after the EIP referral (news to me). But anyway they've emailed the practitioner now to find out what's happening.
Yes trying not to sleep didn't last very long. I've calmed down about that, still feel the microchips but not so worried about more being put in now. My sleep isn't great but getting some every night at least.

Hope you're doing as ok as possible .sorry you've given a lot of support to me and I haven't reciprocated. Here if you ever want to chat.

You have such terrible luck with health care damn. I'm glad you have a relative to help you though & that this receptionist was more helpful. Maybe it won't take too long to get another appointment with the MHP since you weren't discharged? Sounds like something just got muddled with all the referrals. It's good that you've seemed to calm down some too. Some sleep is better than none at the very least.

Oh don't worry about it! Support doesn't have to be transactional. I appreciate the sentiment though, and I am doing relatively okay. I started a new treatment & a lot of my anxiety & intrusive thoughts have started to mellow out. I'm here if you ever want to chat too!

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Nope

Well, you're smart. Maybe you could "trick" them into revealing their location. When they're communicating with you, could you run a "reverse" trace to find out where their messages are coming from? Sort of like a reverse phone number search. Physics laws say that there must be a beginning and an ending point for everything, and that includes information, for a message has to be conceived at a starting point before it can arrive at its destination, the ending point. This being the case, once the message arrives to you in your locale, it should be possible to backtrace it to its origin, and I think you're plenty intelligent and capable of doing just that. Don't you?

 

[fleetingnight]

There are specific threats and they've followed through on them before so I believe them. Too many times to be a coincidence and they predicted things no one could've known.

I see, thank you for clarifying

I'm really sorry for all the pressure you're under, it must be exhausting. Even though you get some frustrating replies, I still hope talking about it helps a little

And I'm sorry you have to deal with doctors failing you, too. I've heard a ton of UK ppl venting frustration about healthcare over there, and not just on the forum, it sounds like a nightmare

 

[wheezle42]

I had a good friend that was schizophrenic. He often got into episodes and he'd check himself in the ward. We'd laugh about how good the drugs were at the hospital, nothing like the shit we took together. Some day he took his life, I had lost contact, miss him but I know he's in a better place. RIP Sylvain.

I have no idea what your situation is and why a professional wont see you, but these forums are made to type in. So type away! Obviously you know something's not right, which is very very good.

<3

P.S. Seriously if you get a chance to be admitted the drugs are INSANELY good in there (if that's your kinda thing) XD

 

[lostintheloop]

I had a good friend that was schizophrenic. He often got into episodes and he'd check himself in the ward. We'd laugh about how good the drugs were at the hospital, nothing like the shit we took together. Some day he took his life, I had lost contact, miss him but I know he's in a better place. RIP Sylvain.

I have no idea what your situation is and why a professional wont see you, but these forums are made to type in. So type away! Obviously you know something's not right, which is very very good.

<3

P.S. Seriously if you get a chance to be admitted the drugs are INSANELY good in there (if that's your kinda thing) XD

Thank you for your understanding.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend, sounds like a great guy, hopefully he's at peace now .

Been admitted once and didn't get the good drugs sadly. Will do everything to avoid being admitted again

 

[lostintheloop]

Idk why people say truck method is unreliable. Have been looking at videos and there any many of very slow moving trucks where people aim their body under the wheels and die instantly. At higher speed even more likely so I don't see it likely going wrong.
I know some people have issues of ethics but no ctb is without some ethical issues tbf.
It's for the greater good. I already have to cause harm before my ctb so if I cause more during it then so be it. But if I plan this well then the only harm will be the traffic congestion during cleanup . I will make sure I don't cause a crash and be quick so driver doesn't see me. If it's traumatic to them I'm sorry but they will be ok as all part of greater good. And any ctb will be traumatic to first responders, sadly nothing I can do about that.