shelledone
Member
- Aug 4, 2019
- 26
It seems CTB is too hard. I know, right? I was thinking the Robin Williams way; so many people have been successful and sometimes even unintentionally, that it didn't seem like it would be hard, but reading posts around here has me very worried now. I feel like I'm quivering in my skin much of the time, with the uncertainty and fear and being so darn alone. Does it seem strange I can try a little harder to endure the routine of existence if I have an "easy" way out? Without hope I can pull it (CTB) off, I dedicate much of my mind to the panic and of course spending time in places like this, researching.
What can I do with alcohol? Would drinking by a cliff until passing out and hoping I fall the "wrong" way work? The hypothermia and alcohol combo has fascinated me. Only one time in my life have I drunk enough to black out (it was unintentional, it was hot and I drank too many white russians in a row :) . I felt so sick afterwards, though, that I sure as heck better fall the "wrong" way or successfully freeze. Not easy.
I just have that trapped feeling, like I'm sure many of us here do.
Am I such a bad person that I have to live and be miserable? Why can't one single country make it legal to "assist" and welcome any client in the world with open arms? Argh!
Sorry for my morning ramble.
What can I do with alcohol? Would drinking by a cliff until passing out and hoping I fall the "wrong" way work? The hypothermia and alcohol combo has fascinated me. Only one time in my life have I drunk enough to black out (it was unintentional, it was hot and I drank too many white russians in a row :) . I felt so sick afterwards, though, that I sure as heck better fall the "wrong" way or successfully freeze. Not easy.
I just have that trapped feeling, like I'm sure many of us here do.
Am I such a bad person that I have to live and be miserable? Why can't one single country make it legal to "assist" and welcome any client in the world with open arms? Argh!
Sorry for my morning ramble.
