roast each zodiac sign

[sandycheeks]

don't take it personally
i'll start

aries- you love drama don't you, we're all responsible for our first impressions with other people, but sometimes it's also good to question your impressions and assumptions of someone

taurus- start a convo with them and at the end be exactly where you started,kind of bitchy

gemini- hey, remember when you promised me this thing and now you're saying the opposite?

cancer- so insecure it can be a chore to be around them

leo- attention seeking whores, actual sociopaths, everyone thinks you're so fun to be around until they get to know the real you... moody af

virgo- they're the agents of their own destruction but all they want to do is whine about it, you might want to lower your standards love x stop seeking perfection

libra- get off the fence and pick a side god dammit

scorpio- wilk fuck their lives up in truly extraordinary ways and never ever take responsibility for it

sagittarius- will stab you in the back and try to convince you that it was your fault for trusting them and then still expect to be friends, egocentric and lame

capricorn- single one I've met is too boring for me to be around, i can handle them for only so much
aquarius- fake deep and can be weird sometimes, can say things without thinking

pisces- extremely sensitive and emotional, gets feelings hurt too easily, self destructive, people pleaser to a fault, prone to addiction

 

[Soul]

Old astrology books (like pre-1930 or so) are excellent sources for this kind of observation. I especially enjoyed Capricorns being called "sausage-like" in appearance, with bad teeth, lousy posture and likely to be miners, undertakers or priests. Bats are our lucky animal. 8]

~~~~~

Geminis are shallow silly hypocrites, likely to write pop love songs, forget they joined a book club and see nothing wrong with cheating their dead partner's estate. They can get snippy when things take longer than four seconds.

Let's summon up some compassion for Cancers, shall we? They can't help being human puddings. They never meant to. Everything is beyond their control so give them some cookies.

~~~~

Virgos make lists and check them twice. Then they check them again, after which they check them again; then they start over because they notice a droplet of sweat or coffee seems to have splashed on the first copy. They are likely to be accountants with a bust of Pallas just above their chamber door, or sous chefs.

Libras have a marble rolling around inside their heads that makes their eyes and features move in an almost realistic fashion that they find mesmerizing. (They are easily mesmerized.)

Scorpios are fiercely intense, psychotic even. They strive (or pretend) to be sorcerers and wizards. They lose their tempers at the slightest offence, and tend to be stalkers, serial killers or psychiatrists.

Sagittarians rarely think about much other than their Capricorn neighbours' great legs. Lucky song: You Can't Catch Me by Chuck Berry.

~~~~

That's all I remember for now.

 

[sandycheeks]

Old astrology books (like pre-1930 or so) are excellent sources for this kind of observation. I especially enjoyed Capricorns being called "sausage-like" in appearance, with bad teeth, lousy posture and likely to be miners, undertakers or priests. Bats are our lucky animal. 8]

~~~~~

Geminis are shallow silly hypocrites, likely to write pop love songs, forget they joined a book club and see nothing wrong with cheating their dead partner's estate. They can get snippy when things take longer than four seconds.

Let's summon up some compassion for Cancers, shall we? They can't help being human puddings. They never meant to. Everything is beyond their control so give them some cookies.

~~~~

Virgos make lists and check them twice. Then they check them again, after which they check them again; then they start over because they notice a droplet of sweat or coffee seems to have splashed on the first copy. They are likely to be accountants with a bust of Pallas just above their chamber door, or sous chefs.

Libras have a marble rolling around inside their heads that makes their eyes and features move in an almost realistic fashion that they find mesmerizing. (They are easily mesmerized.)

Scorpios are fiercely intense, psychotic even. They strive (or pretend) to be sorcerers and wizards. They lose their tempers at the slightest offence, and tend to be stalkers, serial killers or psychiatrists.

Sagittarians rarely think about much other than their Capricorn neighbours' great legs. Lucky song: You Can't Catch Me by Chuck Berry.

~~~~

That's all I remember for now.

appreciated, well a new book is coming to my collection!

 

[pole]

damn as a sag, i'm hurt no cap

p.s., i'm kidding lol. love my sags.

 

[sandycheeks]

damn as a sag, i'm hurt no cap

don't be, sags are the most genuine people i've met and my best friend is one too, it's my favourite zodiac sign !

 

[Null84]

As a Gemini who can't keep promises, I feel very attacked right now. In my defense, I hate making promises but people basically emotionally blackmail me into making them anyway.

 

[Soul]

damn as a sag, i'm hurt no cap

Heyyyy what's the matter?! You Can't Catch Me is a very fine theme song - gone like a coooool breeze!
Besides, I'm a Capricorn so you can admire my legs if you want 8]

@sandycheeks, what's your sign? or at least which element?

And @Null84, peace be with you! I do realize not all Geminis are Macca but he gets my goat every time he crosses my radar. Consider all the comments as pertinent to your other side x

 

[pole]

Heyyyy what's the matter?! You Can't Catch Me is a very fine theme song - gone like a coooool breeze!
Besides, I'm a Capricorn so you can admire my legs if you want 8]

@sandycheeks, what's your sign? or at least which element?

And @Null84, peace be with you! I do realize not all Geminis are Macca but he gets my goat every time he crosses my radar. Consider all the comments as pertinent to your other side x

ohh no, i was kidding and joking around hahah. should've put that in the post, sorry lol

 

[SinisterKid]

If you or anyone else thinks for one second I am giving up my fence, think again, it aint gonna fuckin happen ok. Me and my fence are best buddies, always have been, always will be and together we stay, to the bitter end

 

[MysticPerception]

As a virgo I'm not gonna lie that's pretty accurate and made me laugh. Even if I don't really believe in the whole zodiac thing it's still fun to see stuff like that where it describes you suspiciously well.

 

[1DayItWillBover]

slightly going off the point of this topic but taurus fits me so well. Going by what i just googled (lol) and OPs starting topic i am 100% what its described to be.

 

[sandycheeks]

Heyyyy what's the matter?! You Can't Catch Me is a very fine theme song - gone like a coooool breeze!
Besides, I'm a Capricorn so you can admire my legs if you want 8]

@sandycheeks, what's your sign? or at least which element?

And @Null84, peace be with you! I do realize not all Geminis are Macca but he gets my goat every time he crosses my radar. Consider all the comments as pertinent to your other side x

i'm a virgo and moon scorpio :)
i beg yall to roast me a virgo i love it

 

[Soul]

If you or anyone else thinks for one second I am giving up my fence, think again, it aint gonna fuckin happen ok. Me and my fence are best buddies, always have been, always will be and together we stay, to the bitter end

But but but it's creasing your ass, SK my sweet! Don't want that ...

 

[sandycheeks]

As a virgo I'm not gonna lie that's pretty accurate and made me laugh. Even if I don't really believe in the whole zodiac thing it's still fun to see stuff like that where it describes you suspiciously well.

the only thing i trust are the stars, they always reveal the truth and guide me, whenever i get sad i go outside for a blunt and stargaze for hours

 

[WhyIsLife56]

Every Aquarius person is different though. This roasting doesn't make much sense cause people are more than their sun sign. The whole entire birth chart is what makes up the person. Not just one sign.
Peace ;)

 

[sandycheeks]

But but but it's creasing your ass, SK my sweet! Don't want that ...

well do you want me to give every single member a personalised roast statement smh

 

[Soul]

Every Aquarius person is different though. This roasting doesn't make much sense cause people are more than their sun sign. The whole entire birth chart is what makes up the person. Not just one sign.
Peace ;)

Very true. This is all just a little lighthearted silliness x

But you have reminded me that Aquarians are likely to experience some discomfort when a beaver mistakes their behind for a coconut. Things like that happen to Aquarians a lot.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

Very true. This is all just a little lighthearted silliness x

But you have reminded me that Aquarians are likely to experience some discomfort when a beaver mistakes their behind for a coconut. Things like that happen to Aquarians a lot.

Well that's an interesting little analogy lol

 

[Soul]

i'm a virgo and moon scorpio :)
i beg yall to roast me a virgo i love it

I guessed you're a Virgo with your gift of criticizing everything and everybody in detail and with vigor. (After all, vigor = virgo mussed up.) Just one question: Doesn't that umbrella up your ass get uncomfortable??

 

[sandycheeks]

I guessed you're a Virgo with your gift of criticizing everything and everybody in detail and with vigor. (After all, vigor = virgo mussed up.) Just one question: Doesn't that umbrella up your ass get uncomfortable??

omg made my day

 

[Soul]

~~~~
Leos get accused of seizing the spotlight, but when you're stuck between Cancer and Virgo, *somebody* has to rev up some excitement! So roar it all out - of *course* everyone wants to hear from you! And no matter what they say, on you big hair *never* goes out of style. Photobomber to the stars!