Rituals

[TiredHorse]

I'm heading toward ctb attempt #4.

I'm doing all the laundry, including my sheets.
I have emptied my clothes dresser into boxes, so my family can just dump everything at Goodwill (or into the trash) if they like.
I'll do the dishes, and a general wipedown of the kitchen.
I've cleaned the bathrooms.
Special bequests to friends and family are all tagged with colored dots, with a letter key to who gets what.
I'll be laying out on the floor my will, cremation authorization (I have pre-paid), notes on my financial matters (account numbers and passwords), and a bazillion notes on everything from winterizing the house to when the mail arrives daily. Also final letters to friends and family.

Just as I have the last couple times.

Does anyone else here have such rituals that they've done or planned?

 

[Goldie]

In the past I thought I would do, but nowadays I probably will not do anything apart from leave some notes. On one of my practice attempts (which could have gone right and actually worked albeit unlikely) I actually just left a number of someone to notify and didn't even leave a note.

I have considered paying for cremation before I go as I live abroad and if I am cremated it will cost my Mum a lot less to have me sent back home to the UK. - I know she would not want me to be cremated abroad and would pay to have my whole body sent back which would cost at least £15k.

How did you pre-pay your cremation? Did you involve a solicitor?

 

[Lunar]

There's only so much I can do because of being agoraphobic and heavily depressed. It feels like my body is being held down by weights whenever I try to move. It's this very heavy lethargic feeling. I honestly feel horrible for whoever has to go through whatever I leave behind, but I really struggle to find the energy to pack up things or clean.

 

[bigj75]

There's only so much I can do because of being agoraphobic and heavily depressed. It feels like my body is being held down by weights whenever I try to move. It's this very heavy lethargic feeling. I honestly feel horrible for whoever has to go through whatever I leave behind, but I really struggle to find the energy to pack up things or clean.

same but I've had to use caffeine and alcohol to give me the energy.

 

[worldexploder]

I wish you all the peace in the world. Personally when I attempted twice I never planned anything except for my mode of death.

May I ask what method you're going to use?

 

[crova]

How did you pre-pay your cremation? Did you involve a solicitor?

I'd be interested too!

 

[TheLastTrip]

When is your attempt horsey? If it is tonight then I hope it goes well and you find peace.

As for rituals, all my previous attempts were when I was very young so they had zero rituals or clean up etc, I was too young for bank accounts etc.

I have done what you are doing in a manner though. I sold all my possessions, closed all my accounts apart from bank account and credit card. Gave away anything of value to friends because I was going 'traveling' and had the rest cleared out professionally. Now I am traveling towards the bus stop, the bus will be late anyway, they always are, so no need for me to rush!

 

[TiredHorse]

How did you pre-pay your cremation?

I'm in WA, so I went with Cremation Society of Washington: https://cremationsocietywa.com/ Just like buying a plot in a cemetary, you can pre-pay for cremation. It isn't cheap --$1000, including tax, cardboard coffin, and plastic jar for ashes-- but a lot less than £15k. Anyway, I'd be surprised if there weren't something similar available in other states. They didn't ask why I was pre-paying, but I threw in a couple subtle references to terminal disease --"sometimes the news isn't as good as you expect", etc.-- that I could sense were adequate. It's a good outfit. They pick up the body at the morgue, then hand-deliver the ashes to an in-state address, or ship out of state for a small charge.

May I ask what method you're going to use?

Exit bag with N2.

When is your attempt horsey? If it is tonight then I hope it goes well and you find peace.

Not sure. Maybe tonight. I've had enough failures I don't want to make this a farewell thread. I know ctb isn't performance art, but I still get performance anxiety. I'm feeling kind of floaty-uncertain-surreal-ambiguous right at the moment, and I'm not sure I want my decision to be as casual as, "well why the hell not? I've already watched Game of Thrones twice..."

Like you, TheLastTrip, I've given away a lot of the really important stuff already.

 

[worldexploder]

I'm in WA, so I went with Cremation Society of Washington: https://cremationsocietywa.com/ Just like buying a plot in a cemetary, you can pre-pay for cremation. It isn't cheap --$1000, including tax, cardboard coffin, and plastic jar for ashes-- but a lot less than £15k. Anyway, I'd be surprised if there weren't something similar available in other states. They didn't ask why I was pre-paying, but I threw in a couple subtle references to terminal disease --"sometimes the news isn't as good as you expect", etc.-- that I could sense were adequate. It's a good outfit. They pick up the body at the morgue, then hand-deliver the ashes to an in-state address, or ship out of state for a small charge.



Exit bag with N2.



Not sure. Maybe tonight. I've had enough failures I don't want to make this a farewell thread. I know ctb isn't performance art, but I still get performance anxiety. I'm feeling kind of floaty-uncertain-surreal-ambiguous right at the moment, and I'm not sure I want my decision to be as casual as, "well why the hell not? I've already watched Game of Thrones twice..."

Like you, TheLastTrip, I've given away a lot of the really important stuff already.

I wish I had that stuff! Sounds like you're in for a peaceful passing.

 

[Made4TV]

I have a friend who I have sent a lot of end-of-life information to, including passwords, and he's the beneficiary to my small life insurance policy (and he has the name/number). The one thing I haven't done is a real legal will. I've heard of self-validating wills...thought about doing something like that. But I do want to be this prepared when I go. I'm impressed.

 

[TheLastTrip]

Not sure. Maybe tonight. I've had enough failures I don't want to make this a farewell thread. I know ctb isn't performance art, but I still get performance anxiety. I'm feeling kind of floaty-uncertain-surreal-ambiguous right at the moment, and I'm not sure I want my decision to be as casual as, "well why the hell not? I've already watched Game of Thrones twice..."

I can appreciate the pressure of a goodbye thread, but I am looking forward to mine. A time to thank everyone and say goodbye, THAT can be my ritual! I'm going to be so happy and elated when I create that thread.

When you do pass @TiredHorse I for one will miss your eloquence on here.

 

[TiredHorse]

The one thing I haven't done is a real legal will. I've heard of self-validating wills...thought about doing something like that.

It was worth it to me to go get the DIY will forms at the office supply store. I've got enough assets --house, car, etc.-- to make it important, and from everything I've heard, having something in official format makes for a lot less headache for any heirs. It does require a witness and to be notarized, but I discovered that my auto insurance company (State Farm) has a notary that can do wills (the notary at my bank couldn't; apparently there are different qualifications for notaries), and one of the insurance agents at another desk was happy to be the witness. My cover story was that my family was struggling with the estate of a relative who had died without a will, and the pain in the ass of that fight had inspired me to write up my own will. No one batted an eye.

When you do pass @TiredHorse I for one will miss your eloquence on here.

Thanks, TheLastTrip. I have no idea how tonight will turn out, but if you see I haven't posted in a few days, raise a glass for me.

 

[TheLastTrip]

I will bud!

 

[Goldie]

I am living abroad in Vietnam so no hope of me using that service. Thanks for the info though.

 

[Help_Me]

I was planning to give away all my stuff, but this will increase my chances of being rescued, I don't want everyone to know about my intentions. Maybe a small letter to my mother with instructions that she can do anything she wants with my body (cremation, burying in cemetery, even some orthodox rituals, or just throw it somewhere in the forest and let it rot, or feed wild animals, I don't care.) I also wanted someone to handle my diary, but since nobody actually would be interested in reading anything about my life, I am planing just to leave it at the book shelf. I will write a small note with excuse for being bad for somebody and for existing / probably ruining other people's life.

 

[Ella Disenchanted]

I had a grand plan to tidy my house to leave it immaculate and have a general fun filled week but that lasted one day and I gave up. It all seems a bit pointless now.

 

[hikikomori]

my note is a webpage that shows all of my varius notes randomly. nd then im gonna eat a really expensive takeout order nd die in my chair

 

[Dead_Inside]

Yep. Clean the house up each time get everything in it's place and trash out. Clear out the fridge and such so there isn't any problems. Pay my bills out for a couple months so people have time to sort everything thing out. It's kind of nice and calming- just looking at things all perfect. Cleaning the toilet for the last time. Just nice (as long as you don't wake up that is).
I probably should have something arranged for my body too . I just put plastic sheeting down under me so I wouldn't make a mess.

Good luck : )

 

[TiredHorse]

Well I went through all my nice rituals --strip the bed, do the laundry, arrange all my notes, set up what I need for notification about my body, etc.

And flubbed it.

 

[TAW122]

I was planning to give away all my stuff, but this will increase my chances of being rescued, I don't want everyone to know about my intentions. Maybe a small letter to my mother with instructions that she can do anything she wants with my body (cremation, burying in cemetery, even some orthodox rituals, or just throw it somewhere in the forest and let it rot, or feed wild animals, I don't care.) I also wanted someone to handle my diary, but since nobody actually would be interested in reading anything about my life, I am planing just to leave it at the book shelf. I will write a small note with excuse for being bad for somebody and for existing / probably ruining other people's life.

Yes, I've thought about sorting my affairs and giving away things, etc. but it all seems too much work for me as well as too high of a risk of intervention by others, especially if there are red flags. Plus, I too, don't really care about what happens to my body after death as I just want to die with the least hassle. Existence in and of itself is already challenging enough so I just want to keep things simple.

 

[Goldie]

I'm giving away my car in the UK. It does add some risk but afaik they don't know how serious I am.

Well I went through all my nice rituals --strip the bed, do the laundry, arrange all my notes, set up what I need for notification about my body, etc.

And flubbed it.

Yes that's why I'm not too into rituals, it is worse when your attempt fails.

 

[TiredHorse]

Even without the rituals, it doesn't always work. Flubbed it again last night. All I did was shower and shave, set out the notice so that my body will be found, and sit down with my tank of N2.

So much for sneaking up on Death.

 

[Dead_Inside]

Even without the rituals, it doesn't always work. Flubbed it again last night. All I did was shower and shave, set out the notice so that my body will be found, and sit down with my tank of N2.

So much for sneaking up on Death.

I think next time I will plan something I like for the next day- but a lottery ticket or something - just so that life feels like it's fucking me over by killing me ; ) then ha! Beat it at it's own game !

 

[Midnight]

That's very considerate of you planning the aftermath out so rigorously. I find it Inspirational. Good luck.