Venting Revelation

[ummwhaaat]

I remember listening to Eminem a lot in 2013-14. The first verse of this song by D12 keeps repeating in my head like every 10 minutes even though I've tried to make a deal with the 'devil' inside me to stay alive for my family. Especially the last 2 years. I am drinking about 15-20 beers per day. I found a discord message I wrote of me just saying "I'm gonna kill myself", knowing that the people in the group wouldn't think I was being serious. Similarly, I've been more 'edgy' in a game I've been playing for like 13-14 years and got permanently banned now because I just don't care anymore. I've got medication, I have seen a psychiatrist, psychologists etc. Not really much to be done with regards to 'saving' my mental health. Just staying alive for family. Not really looking for any answers, hence the flair.