Discussion Resolved depression persistent suicidal ideation?

[grapevoid]

Has anyone else experienced this?

With therapy and meds over time I have resolved many of my depression symptoms. I'm much more functional than I was leading up to my failed attempt.

I am however still extremely suicidal? The thoughts have only changed to non-emotional and a pretty logical thought process of why/how. I feel better than I did before but have not resolved my desire to ctb at all.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Have you been suicidal before you became depressed or was that a reaction bc you became depressed? Suicidal ideation isn't an illness. We become suicidal and have those thoughts bc of (external) circumstances. This is a reaction bc we want to be relieved and healthy/have good circumstances.

If we suffer too long those thoughts are burnt into our brain and how we think like "thought-loops". It's probably very difficult to break this up and "forget about this part of life". Unfortunately we cannot format our brains.

Have consulted your therapist/doctor?

 

[grapevoid]

Have you been suicidal before you became depressed or was that a reaction bc you became depressed? Suicidal ideation isn't an illness. We become suicidal and have those thoughts bc of (external) circumstances. This is a reaction bc we want to be relieved and healthy/have good circumstances.

If we suffer too long those thoughts are burnt into our brain and how we think like "thought-loops". It's probably very difficult to break this up and "forget about this part of life". Unfortunately we cannot format our brains.

Have consulted your therapist/doctor?

I have been in an extensive out patient program for 12 weeks due to a failed attempt. So lots of therapy. LOL

I have chronic suicidal ideation, I've had it for as long as I can remember. It gets worse and more persistent when my depression flares up- but even when I feel "happy" I continue to feel like I might want to ctb. Even on good days the thought is extremely intrusive.
It's so persistent that I created emails for my family and kids 5 years ago to send memories and photos to so I could leave them the passwords when I do it- and I still regularly contribute to them. So it's been at least 5 years that I have seriously considered suicide to the point of planning it. And much longer that I've had at least passive ideation
For background: I'm in my 30s (mid)
I have PTSD and likely some underlying OCD so intrusive thoughts are not all that uncommon for me.

I have a relatively stable life and family that care to support my recovery. I was in a long term abusive marriage which is how I ended up with PTSD but have been out of it for over 6 years now though I still coparent with my abuser now that he has completed his programs and sees our children.

 

[theshund]

I think you're being unrealistic. You tried to ctb 12 weeks ago and you've had some therapy. It's great that you've gotten support and are taking active steps to address your issues, but I guarantee you have not 'resolved many of your depressive symptoms' in 12 weeks after attempting to take your own life. Recovery takes a long time. It's like going to the gym. You don't get a super toned gym body after 12 weeks. You might be a bit slimmer and show a bit more muscle definition, but Arnold Schwarzenegger you ain't.

Go easy on yourself and adjust your expectations. You're still having suicidal thoughts because you're only in the earliest stages of recovery. You are in recovery though, which is a win. Keep at it. I'm rooting for you.